[scorpiosis37]

I walked into session today and, while I knew my T was being tested for possible illnesses, it was a surprise to learn that today would be my last session. She had gone to the hospital for a possible cancer diagnosis, but it actually turns out she has a neurological disease instead. They're now going to be testing her for MS (which my biological mother has and which I've also been tested for), possible brain tumors, or other related illnesses. Regardless of what she has, she has decided to take a medical leave of absence to take care of her health and spend time with her kids. Of course I understand her decision, but it's still hard for me. I didn't get the chance to talk about what's been going on in my life because we spent the whole session talking about this-- and I was totally unprepared for this being our last session (at least for a couple of months). She says that she hopes to return, possibly in late September if all goes well, but she really doesn't know because she does not yet have an official diagnosis. She also missed 2 of our last 3 appointments for obvious reasons, but it also means that I have a lot of stuff built up that I now have no one to talk to about. And, of course, my biggest concern is for my T's well being. I spent most of the session just crying and telling her that I love her and hope she will be okay. She said she assumed I didn't want a referral, but I told her I do-- at which point she said she didn't have one for me. I told her that, of course, I don't want to switch therapists but I would like to have some support while she is away. She said she might be able to think of a referral, but couldn't promise anything. I think her referrals are probably exhausted with having to refer the clients with serious mental illnesses who need ongoing treatment. Last week, our session felt so connected and loving, but today did not. She did say "I love you" and she did say she could feel how much I cared about her, and that she had been thinking about me and would miss me-- and she even got teary at one point-- but she also felt kind of scattered and off in her own world (which, of course, is understandable). She also made me the promise that even if she stops being a therapist, she will stay in touch with me. And she said I could text/email her periodically to check in while she is on leave. But I'm still really devastated. A text once a month just isn't the support I need right now. I've needed "real" therapy and haven't been getting it for the last 2 months and now I won't have it again for at least another 2 months. And I'm worried about my T and the future of our relationship. Even if we do stay in periodic contact, that is a huge change in our relationship. And even of I do find another T to talk to in the meantime, it takes soooo long to build up trust and to just share the basics. It's also a strange twist of fate if my T ends up having the exact same disease that my biological mom has and that I'm being watched for by my own doctors. I just wasn't ready for today to be our last session, and I really do wish she has given me a warning by text so I could have prepared myself. In addition to everything I'm feeling regarding my T, I have 2 months worth of my own stuff that I haven't gotten to talk about and I feel like I'm bursting at the seams and have no one to talk to.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hope you soon get a referral you "click" with.

If you need to vent, talk or share, we're here. We can't replace your T, but maybe we can do a little.

[Leah123]

Oh I am so sorry. You must be in shock. Please keep posting and do every nurturing thing you can to take care of yourself.

Huge kudos to you for pursuing a referral. I know it is nothing like having your T, but it's excellent of you to accept what help there is.

I am so sorry you have so much to share and no safe, available therapist to share it with right now.

Maybe later, if you ever feel like it.... a place like 7 Cups of Tea or crisis line or maybe a quick referral from her office if not her, could help you get connected and just unload a bit. I know, of course, it's nothing like being with one's own therapist, but it's really helped me when I didn't have better options, just to shed one layer of the things weighing me down.

[divine1966]

Share in here please, I know not the same but will do our best

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[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am so sorry you are struggling. I know this hurts. My current T went on a medical leave for MS and she was out of work for months. It hurt not having her there and I didn't accept the referral for someone else because I was not comfortable with anyone else. This happened years ago and now I wish I saw another T until mine was well enough to come back. My T came back to work and she has been doing great these last few years. There is hope your T will be ok and come back to work. If you ever want to chat you can DM me. PC is a good place to chat.

[scorpiosis37]

I just called a random therapist on Psychology Today and scheduled a 30-minute consultation. I don't really have the energy to search for the "ideal" T but I picked one who seemed ok and set something up. At the very least, I can talk to her about my "real" T and the emotions I have around that. I'm trying so hard to be productive because I have a mountain of work to do, but I just keep crying. I've been distracted for about a month now (the sexual assault, T's illness), and I just don't have any more time to waste. I have to get my work done-- which I am-- but it's going more slowly than usual. I'm putting in the time, but my brain is only 50% there. I wish I were better at putting my feelings aside and just focusing. I'm just really afraid I am going to lose my T forever. I'm afraid she isn't going to get better and come back to work. The truth is that even she doesn't know. She said that even if she doesn't return as a therapist, we will keep in touch forever. But now I'm realizing that the thought of having only limited email/text contact-- and never having the deep conversations and emotional support-- might be too hard for me. I've had 2 months of mostly "off" sessions and it really sucked. It's not what I need. I love her, but I also need her. I don't think the T I made an appointment with will be someone I really click with. For one, she's not LGBT. She's not in network. But I made the appointment because she's available soon. I was getting frustrated calling and being told "we are not taking new clients" so I just picked someone who had openings. I really hope my T comes back all shiny and new!

[Leah123]

I feel for you and I empathize. Be kind to yourself and compassionate- you're doing fine in an ugly situation. So good that you're aiming for a good enough therapist. There aren't substitutes, but just like the difference between comfort and regular food, they can both still be nourishing and keep you healthy.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm so sorry this is happening. That's good that you found a T and made an appointment. Even if it's not a great match, at least it will be someone to talk to over the next few months. Hopefully your T will be healthy enough to come back in September like she said.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Oh, that's a really difficult thing to process. I'm sorry for both you and your t.

[Bill3]

This is very rough. I'm sorry. I do hope you can find a compatible substitute T.

[iheartjacques]

So sorry for you both. One of my worst fears. Happened to my son, he had a great T who had to leave due to ill health

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I walked into session today and, while I knew my T was being tested for possible illnesses, it was a surprise to learn that today would be my last session. She had gone to the hospital for a possible cancer diagnosis, but it actually turns out she has a neurological disease instead. They're now going to be testing her for MS (which my biological mother has and which I've also been tested for), possible brain tumors, or other related illnesses. Regardless of what she has, she has decided to take a medical leave of absence to take care of her health and spend time with her kids. Of course I understand her decision, but it's still hard for me. I didn't get the chance to talk about what's been going on in my life because we spent the whole session talking about this-- and I was totally unprepared for this being our last session (at least for a couple of months). She says that she hopes to return, possibly in late September if all goes well, but she really doesn't know because she does not yet have an official diagnosis. She also missed 2 of our last 3 appointments for obvious reasons, but it also means that I have a lot of stuff built up that I now have no one to talk to about. And, of course, my biggest concern is for my T's well being. I spent most of the session just crying and telling her that I love her and hope she will be okay. She said she assumed I didn't want a referral, but I told her I do-- at which point she said she didn't have one for me. I told her that, of course, I don't want to switch therapists but I would like to have some support while she is away. She said she might be able to think of a referral, but couldn't promise anything. I think her referrals are probably exhausted with having to refer the clients with serious mental illnesses who need ongoing treatment. Last week, our session felt so connected and loving, but today did not. She did say "I love you" and she did say she could feel how much I cared about her, and that she had been thinking about me and would miss me-- and she even got teary at one point-- but she also felt kind of scattered and off in her own world (which, of course, is understandable). She also made me the promise that even if she stops being a therapist, she will stay in touch with me. And she said I could text/email her periodically to check in while she is on leave. But I'm still really devastated. A text once a month just isn't the support I need right now. I've needed "real" therapy and haven't been getting it for the last 2 months and now I won't have it again for at least another 2 months. And I'm worried about my T and the future of our relationship. Even if we do stay in periodic contact, that is a huge change in our relationship. And even of I do find another T to talk to in the meantime, it takes soooo long to build up trust and to just share the basics. It's also a strange twist of fate if my T ends up having the exact same disease that my biological mom has and that I'm being watched for by my own doctors. I just wasn't ready for today to be our last session, and I really do wish she has given me a warning by text so I could have prepared myself. In addition to everything I'm feeling regarding my T, I have 2 months worth of my own stuff that I haven't gotten to talk about and I feel like I'm bursting at the seams and have no one to talk to.

It's most unfortunate that your T went on medical leave on such short notice, without providing you with another source of support. Like, is there anyone you can call in case of an emergency or crisis? Also, does she have a Professional Will?

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

It's most unfortunate that your T went on medical leave on such short notice, without providing you with another source of support. Like, is there anyone you can call in case of an emergency or crisis? Also, does she have a Professional Will?

I have no idea if she has a professional will. No, there are no emergency/crisis people/numbers. But I've also never had a crisis so I'm not worried about that. I just hope my T comes back! I mean, I do plan on seeing a temporary T, but that only feels okay with the intention that I will go back to my real T in a few months, after she gets medical treatment. I don't think I could handle her NOT coming back. I'm realizing how much this is affecting old abandonment wounds and making me feel like I can't trust/count on her. Of course, I fully understand why she has been "off" lately but it still hurts that she forgot to follow through on things before she left and didn't seem "present" during our last session. It is making me question how much she really cares about me. I'm trying not to go there and remember how loving she has always been-- but I can just feel those wounds opening back up. I spoke with a potential temporary T and I'm sure she's fine, but there were definitely things about her approach that I'm not a big fan of. She's definitely not someone I would see long term, but she might be okay for awhile. I don't have the time/energy to spend on really searching for someone I click with if its only going to be for a few months.

[fadedstar]

I'm so sorry to hear this! I've actually become very attached to my T lately and she's been ill as well. She called me twice today feeling and sounding awful and I told her to go to bed and rest.

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