Needing support after Death.

Hey guys, it's been a while. I hope you are well.

Tuesday I got bad news. My counselor has passed away. It was a shock. He was completely healthy.
I've been fluctuating between feeling numb, and completely out of it, like checked out mentally, like in a daze. Dissociating. To crying hysterically for hours at a time.

A week before my psychiatrist decided to take me off my mood stabilizer. So this is hitting hard and will be a struggle, and I just don't know how to deal. Because when anyone ever died that I loved, I just pretended it didn't happen and ignored it. I ran from it. However being forced to go to this program.....there is no running so I am being forced to face this.

What have you guys done to help heal from death of a loved one?

I'm sorry Daeva

I don't have any real good advice. I'm not good with death. A lot of people died when I was a child, but I became numb to it. I haven't lost a person to death since. My dog died 3 years ago and that was traumatic for me. I didn't get over it for over a year.

All I can say is that time helps. And focus on the good things about the person.

Be present and be your best self. That honors him.

Oh I am so sorry to hear that news. It must be devastating, particularly since it was so unexpected. Can you attend the funeral? That closure is important to some people. Allow yourself time -- lots of time. Allow yourself to feel that sadness and grief, and remember it is completely natural to feel those feelings. I can remember having a hard time distinguishing normal grief from the depression I had gotten so used to. My T kept reminding me that what I was feeling was very natural -- not something that needed to be treated -- and to just let it be what it is.

You probably should also contact your pdoc though and discuss perhaps delaying your med changes until a later date. That might could complicate things which isn't what you need right now.

So sorry you are having to experience this. Please be gentle with yourself and reach out for help.

Time heals. It takes time and there's no easy way through it, but the pain of loss does fade. I don't know that there's anything more to really be done about it, except to keep facing each day. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I have lost many people myself and it hurts. Time....you just need time. Your feelings are normal and your Psychiatrist would want you to keep up
the work He/she has started with you.

My condolences to you

I'm so sorry...

I'm sorry for your loss.

My only amateur advice would be to be present to your grief. Let yourself feel what you need to feel. Don't question your feelings or censor them. Let yourself feel what you need to feel for as long as you need to feel it.

After losing both parents I guess the best thing I can say is give yourself time to feel what you need to. Don't let other people tell you it is wrong to feel a certain way. Be kind to yourself. If that means staying in bed for a day do so. Take care of your physical self. Try and eat healthy and get some exercise and remember there is no timeline on grief.

I am so sorry for your loss. It will get better.

Thinking of you and hope that you can find support both here and in real life.

I am very sorry for your loss, Daeva. Keep busy and utilize any coping skills you have learned and reach out to people. Whatever you do, don't isolate. If you're in a program now then that might be a good thing since you can't sel medicate or engage in other behaviors. That's really all you can do. You're human and death is painful but you can work through it.

Aw, that's a really sad thing to happen. My sincere condolences.

It is good advice Bounceback gives, grief is very important and it is hard and it can go on for some time.

Thanks everyone, I'm taking your advice, trying not to stuff it. I went to the services on Saturday, went into a panic attack at the end when they said, "Where he'll be laid to rest in his final resting place." Still makes me want to cry thinking about it. My friends keep talking to me about the afterlife, till I shouted that I don't believe in one. Once you're dead your dead. I pointed out that it comforts them because they believe it, but I don't have that.

So I'm finding other things to do, finding different ways to deal and to express my loss.

I think that for me, also as someone who doesn't believe in an afterlife per se, that rituals can be really helpful. I wonder if it might help you to create a ritual that helps you internalize some of the gifts you got from the relationship and hold onto your therapist's presence.

One very small related example is about me missing a maternal figure in my life, particularly my grandmothers- I had a solid perfume-filled locket that reminded me of one of them, which broke, and my therapist encouraged me to find a new one, a talisman, I was very surprised to find an exact match online and just ordered it, a tactile, grounding reminder of that positive presence in my life.

I have a ritual to remind me of my first, favorite therapist from high school who I lost of pulling an angel card every week to invoke positive energies that remind me of our relationship too: http://www.amazon.com/Angel-Cards-Or...ds+kathy+tyler

I don't believe in angels in the religious sense, but I do believe that focusing on those positive qualities is a way of showing myself some compassion, holding onto something dear to me, and giving myself a little boost.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry Daeva.

I don't believe in an afterlife either, but I do believe we live on in the sense that we affect the lives of others. I can hope you can hold onto all of the good things you got from your T, things you shared. Maybe someday you will pay forward the care, wisdom and love your T had for you.