[Walking Man]

I'm putting this here because I'm interested in how therapy is affected by chronic illness or disability.

I'm seeing a therapist for depression, life issues, and attachment issues. I have always dealt with these in one way or another. The difference now is that after trying hard for years, and experiencing few successes, I feel like I'm at my limit. I don't know what else to do, and have a hard time finding reason to hope things will get better. It's not just a feeling. I didn't always see things like this. its because year after year I've gotten nowhere, and things have only become worse. Part of it is that I have some very real, objective, challenges that that are impossible for other people to understand. You can't see anything is wroang with me, so people can't imagine how difficult things are for me. I have a brain disorder that puts all kinds of roadblocks in my way.

If my therapist says something about things working out, or that I might be too pessimistic, etc., I can't believe her because I know she can't understand. It's not a failing in her, and it's not her fault. It's simply the nature of the illness. I can't pretend like it's not there, and that I'm just like everyone else. I know that we all have our own challenges, but mine is somewhat different. It's not necessarily worse, but it is hard to understand just how problematic it can be.

Maybe part of what I'm asking is how can someone who can't relate to your situation help you deal with it? Is there something I can do or say to make things clearer to her? I feel like we have to establish what the reality is before we can work on coping with it.

[Leah123]

Can you just share this post with her as a start? It's honest and clear. A good therapist will never have been through what we have, not exactly, as two people can't share all those experiences, though it feels like it would be so helpful if they could. But with my own current excellent therapist, I have found that she is wise enough, thorough enough and experienced enough to be able to come to understand everything I tell her with time and help me with it brilliantly.

[BayBrony]

Is there a support organization for your illness/disability that puts out educational materials? I have a mitochondrial disease which are "invisible" diseases and most people have never heard of them. I look OK but the metabolic cycle that controls my muscle function is messed up so I have weakness, severe fatigue, pain and cramping, etc. I went from running marathons to barely able to walk a mile in about 9 months. The United mitochondrial disease foundation has great educational materials for friends and family because it is " invisible". I shared their brochures and pamphlets with my T when I started therapy so she could understand better what I go through. Though now she has seen me having muscle spasms so bad my limbs flop around uncontrollably which also opened her eyes.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by Walking Man

I feel like we have to establish what the reality is before we can work on coping with it.

Yes. Exactly. Make this point to her and, if she seems to get it, give it time to settle in. I don't know how long you've been seeing her, but I said something similar (though not as well put) very early on to my therapist. She heard me and made adjustments. Even so, it took several months for me to trust that she got it.

If your therapist persists in that approach and you don't feel heard, then it might be worth trying a few others for consultations.

There are therapists who specialize in working with people with chronic health problems, but they're hard to find.

I also have chronic health problems (besides the psychiatric ones.) What I have frequently run into is that the therapist tries to attribute things I do or ways I feel to psychological problems when sometimes they are caused by my medical problems.

I think maybe you have to educate your therapist a little about the symptoms and problems that you have. Give her a list and discuss it with her. One of the biggest issues that I talk about in therapy is adjusting to the impact that my medical problems have on my life.

If your therapist is telling you that something is going to get better, and you know that it's not, I think you need to tell her that. You want to be working on how to emotionally deal with the fact that it's not going to get better, and it's her job to help you with that.

I go to a therapy group with people who all have chronic medical problems. I find that very helpful as well.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Walking Man

Maybe part of what I'm asking is how can someone who can't relate to your situation help you deal with it? Is there something I can do or say to make things clearer to her? I feel like we have to establish what the reality is before we can work on coping with it.

Do you have a doctor you would trust to explain at least the basic condition to your therapist? That might help at least with her understanding the actual condition. An intelligent person ought to be able to connect the dots after that.

I do have a disability - it's not really an issue in therapy, mainly because I've had to come up with so many ways to explain it to other people, that I've found it pretty easy to explain to her, and she seems to get it. It helps that, though I do struggle with it at times, it is not the reason I started therapy either. I probably should talk about it at some point, but there are other things to deal with first.