"Double Bind"

Something in my unconscious is trying to release itself. Been here before. Many times. I call it the 'burning bouse'.
I feel I'm in a burning house, and T is doing nothing.
I say that today. T said "tell me what is like for you, are you in the house?"
As soon as T spoke those words, it changed what I was experiencing. I was no longer in the fire, but sitting outside watching it. That should have felt good but it didn't.
I told T I felt better when I was in the burning house with the sense of you doing nothing, but by asking me those questions you changed it but why doesn't that feel better?
T said, I think because even though you feel I did do something - asking that question - you are no longer 'in it' so feel that I can't understand what it felt like for you now you're not there.
Is a double bind. You wanted to be helped but by me helping you now you've lost the chance for me to be there with you.
The session ended. I said as I left "hhhhm, I think that's what it is, I need to think in this a bit more ".
I feel there's still more to come from whatever was beginning today.

The old, can't have your cake and eat it too, problem? I like your "story"/analogy. T got you out of the house but did not affect the problem/house.

It reminds me a little bit of the year I spent after first terminating with T where it felt like things were happening in my unconscious, almost a party going on "down" there :-) but I could not go down there. I could not feel, could not get inside myself anymore. It was like two levels and I had no access to the lower one. My therapy had ended when I moved (after 13 years) and changed jobs, left all my old friends behind. Too many big changes at once. I'd dream every few months about T, mostly that she and I were supposed to meet for a single session only at the last minute it couldn't happen (once was in a snow storm and I met T at the boot of my car for only a moment where she said she had to cancel our appointment and was disappointed in me for needing therapy again, that I had "failed" and then she got in another car and was gone).

Do you remember other times you have been in the burning house? What were they about?

"...... but I could not go down there. I could not feel, could not get inside myself anymore......"
Yes that's what it felt like.
I think it happened in the past when a memory was beginning to be remembered.