[InRealLife45]

Moments after I called my T to cancel our last session, I heard a little pop and the all too familiar flapflapflap of a newly flat tire rotating rapidly. (Second one this week!) But the other side this time, and upon inspection, no apparent flaws in the tire. Just flat. Tried (again) to loosen the bolts myself, again I wasn't strong enough. And it's so hot out here on this miserable stretch of freeway (very near to where the other tire popped on Tuesday) and I am already feeling frustrated and lost and this flat tire and the too tight bolts and my inefficient strength are just more nails in my coffin and I feel unable to cope.

Is this a sign that I need to go to the DBT PHP to develop coping skills so a little bump in my day doesn't turn into the beginnings of a full blown meltdown like right now?

Or is it okay to cry out loud and be frustrated and want to use the crowbar that won't help me change a tire to bash in a tree instead, and to instead sit in my car and breathe and slowly compose myself?

And at the end of crying for thirty or forty minutes, help arrives (again) and a nice guy changes my tire (and politely refrains from mentioning the tears I can't stop from falling). And at this juncture I haven't given in to the wildly destructive impulses to hurt an innocent tree or hurt myself.

I want to stay in school, but this wild uncontrollable black pit of hurt I feel unravelling in my chest scares me. I'm afraid that if I stay in school I will be revealed as a fraud: I will fall apart in front of everyone's eyes, in front of Dr. A, and they will know I don't belong there, that I never belonged there. Late papers and missing classes cause hours, days of anxiety, common flat tires and missed appointments trigger emotional downward spirals. I've been catching myself quickly and climbing back up, but how long can I keep doing that before the fall is sustained and permanent?

[LonesomeTonight]

Feeling frustrated with a flat tire is totally normal. And while crying and bashing in a tree isn't the ideal scenario, at least you don't want to hurt yourself or someone else. (OK, you mentioned something about hurting yourself, but you didn't.)

I'm not sure of your whole situation, but could you call your T and schedule another appointment? Or find another T?

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Feeling frustrated with a flat tire is totally normal. And while crying and bashing in a tree isn't the ideal scenario, at least you don't want to hurt yourself or someone else. (OK, you mentioned something about hurting yourself, but you didn't.)

I'm not sure of your whole situation, but could you call your T and schedule another appointment? Or find another T?

Can't find a t

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[Inner_Firefly]

That sounds so frustrating, if I were you I would cry too. it must have been so hot and uncomfortable to be stuck with a flat tire. and too tight bolts caused a helpless feeling of being not strong enough. You are doing your best to keep up with work, you can only do one day at a time, it must be lonely to hold so much pain inside, I hope someone can listen and help !

[divine1966]

I had my car totaled in June not even a two year old car). Bought a new car. Three days later ran over some nail on a freeway. It couldn't be patched as a hole was on a side. Had to buy a new tire next day. Life is so ridiculous! I couldn't believe it! Hang in there. Sending you hugs



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[Daystrom]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

Or is it okay to cry out loud and be frustrated and want to use the crowbar that won't help me change a tire to bash in a tree instead, and to instead sit in my car and breathe and slowly compose myself?

Oh, absolutely. But then I probably would have bashed the tree in with the crowbar so maybe I'm not the best one to answer this.

The last time I had a flat tire several months ago I had a hard time getting the lug nuts off, and I'm a healthy strapping guy. The mechanic had tightened them so much at my car's last tire rotation that they were practically welded to the wheel. I had to put what felt like double my weight behind the wrench before they would budge, never took that much effort before. Maybe I'm just aging faster than I think.

It's usually the little things that set me off too, the most boring, everyday things that happen to everybody but that send me into frenzies of anger/depression/hopelessness. I've always felt like a fraud in most of my life, too. You're not alone.

[growlycat]

I'm sure towing guys have seen plenty of tears. My workplace had old wooden palettes near the dumpster and no one cleaned up the industrial staples---I lost a tire that way (2 actually as it is recommended that you replace 2 at a time) I know the fury of having no one in particular to rail against.

You are not a fraud. Personally I prefer T's who have had a troubled MH past but overcame it. You will get there, but you do need a good therapist. Can your professor get you in touch with someone? (the prof that you are getting attached to?)

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I'm sure towing guys have seen plenty of tears. My workplace had old wooden palettes near the dumpster and no one cleaned up the industrial staples---I lost a tire that way (2 actually as it is recommended that you replace 2 at a time) I know the fury of having no one in particular to rail against.

You are not a fraud. Personally I prefer T's who have had a troubled MH past but overcame it. You will get there, but you do need a good therapist. Can your professor get you in touch with someone? (the prof that you are getting attached to?)

She tried, no dice. Person she had in mind isn't taking new clients.

I asked another professor, maybe he will have something.

But I think I may just wind up not having a T and doing the DBT program and hope for the best.

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[divine1966]

I think you should be proud you actually attempt to change your own tires. Never would even dream of it. I laugh even imagining myself trying to change tires on a freeway in this heat. Never gonna happen. I just call AAA. Think of yourself as a person who at least try to take care of business. And It's ok to be upset

I hope DBT will be helpful for you

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I'm sorry things are hard at the moment. When I quit my T a few months ago the first two weeks were terrible. After that things gradually picked up. Quitting a T is really really hard. I think that as time goes by you will probably pick up, I'm really hoping it does for you. It takes a lot of courage to quit a T when we continue to hope deep down that they will understand and care for us.

I'm sorry things are hard at the moment. When I quit my T a few months ago the first two weeks were terrible. After that things gradually picked up. Quitting a T is really really hard. I think that as time goes by you will probably pick up, I'm really hoping it does for you. It takes a lot of courage to quit a T when we have hoped for so long that they will understand and care for us.