Success stories of leaving T. due to transference

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will be leaving this T. either due to her referral or me leaving therapy all together. Please share your success stories of leaving your T. after transference and either being ok without therapy or finding a new T. in which you have a much better relationship. I guess I can't quite leave this forum right now....

That must be a heart breaking decision for you but having followed your previous threads, it makes sense.

I haven't left my therapist (yet?) but I have thought about it as the maternal transference is still there after 15 months. I've had a two months break and it made things a bit more clear, I felt relieved to not be constantly "in my thoughts" so to speak.
So in a way, it's a bit of a success story as I feel slightly better after two months without therapy.

I'm seeing my T in two days and I'll tell her I want to space sessions to once every two weeks. If it's still too painful, then I've resolved myself that I'll have to quit. We'll see.

Sorry, I don't have a happy story to tell you, just to say that your experience mirrors mine and that I hope everything will work out for the best.

Your decision also makes sense to me, I've followed your story. I left my first T a few months ago, I had strong feelings towards her, but the therapy did not feel right. I have a new T and my therapy is really different. With the first one I felt anxious all the time about my therapy, and my thoughts about therapy were a bit intrusive in my life. I don't have the same anxiety with the second one, I still think about her, but I'm a lot more relaxed about it. Some of the same emotions come up for me, but she helps me to share them with her, it really is very different.

I rarely have anxiety but I have had it before every session after the transference. I was a fairly confident person and I feel like therapy is making me question everything.

Some things I've realized in the last week:
1. Therapy is keeping my mom issues alive. As long as I want something more from my T., it will remind me what I didn't get from my mom. I know this serves a purpose to get me to grieve what I won't have but I think I'm done talking about my mom. She caused me pain while she was alive and I don't want her causing me pain after she's gone.
2. I think I started to look for things wrong with me so I could finally get the love and sympathy I wanted from my T. When I found out my co-worker I saw her, I realized how much I wish I had a mom. I got triggered but then traced it to the healthy realization. I processed and stopped crying. However my session was in 3 days so I think I tried to stay sad so I would finally cry in front of my T. (something I wish I could do) instead of processing and letting it go.
3. I rarely told her what was right in my life. She would ask and I would change the subject. A hell of a lot is right in my life: marriage, kids, relationships, work, etc. But, I never told her the good things. I did with my mom but didn't seem to do it with her because then she might think I'm ok and not give me sympathy.

I'm not sure if I've been ok because I realize this was inevitable or I'm ok but I deep down hope that I can just stop and not terminate. I would love to stop because I realize I don't need it and then just see her for issues that pop up. Probably not a healthy outlook.

What do I need to work on?
1. Parenting issues as they come up.
2. I suppress my emotions before they even show up - learning how to realize when I do this and experience them.
3. Not putting up a wall to those who want to give me love and affection. I resist because it sometimes feels uncomfortable. I can totally accept hugs and give affection when I want to. Hmm, maybe I just don't with those who I don't feel close to. I also have a hard time initiating saying my feelings for fear of rejection.

I think I was so determined to get my therapist to give me what I wanted through the transference that it was hurting me more than helping me. Would these realizations change things? I don't know. This is the second conversation about referring so I'm not sure it would be healthy to stay and always be scared it will come up. Just thinking out loud....

I was so so attached to previous T, and I had awful love/hate transference. I did not want to leave her at all, but she wouldn't keep me - she referred me to T. Honestly, as hard as it was (and sometimes continues to be), it was probably the best thing she could have done. I have come so far in the ensuing two years with T. I continue to process the relationship with previous T - there was so much happening there, so much to learn about myself, but it would have been really difficult to do it with her with me so blinded by the transference (and I honestly believe she struggled with it too, transference doesn't happen in a vacuum).
If your T is suggesting referral I would go with it - you've said before that she is very experienced, I'm sure she knows what she's doing... I'd be slow to quit outright though. I know from personal experience just how valuable learning through transference can be, if you can only step back far enough to see through it. Sometimes that will take working through it with a different person.
FWIW, I share some issues with you - I'm bad about receiving affection too, it's part of what I'm working on with T right now. I'm sure I could never have managed it with previous T, as I need to feel very secure in the relationship to be able to overcome my natural tendency to freak out, throw up walls and push the person away. It's making me very volatile and emotional...

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I too have found it much easier working with a T with whom I don't have transference issues.
Grieving T1 was painful (excruciatingly so) but I have turned a corner with that now (6 months after termination) and I think of him often and fondly, but it's no longer painful. I have made lots more progress now there are no transference issues taking up space in my therapy, and I have made some really positive changes in my life thanks to working with T2. It may seem almost impossible, but sometimes making the difficult choice to terminate can be beneficial in the long run.

I've never left a T because of transference, but the more distance/time btwn we had, the less intense the transference was.

I have recently (maybe 5 months ago) saw a counselor I used to have maternal transference with. She had countertransference too. We hadn't seen each other in 10 years. When we met, it was very comfortable and familiar, but the intense feelings no longer existed. We were able to clearly see each other as friends and nothing more.

You know, I ultimately terminated because I could not take the severe, intense, constant (throw in some more extreme abjectives) longing for my therapist to give me..... the elusive something.

After over 5 years of 3-4/week sessions, I knew she had genuine love for me. I felt it.

It wasn't enough. I don't know what would have been enough.

I just knew I could not take it anymore. No mas.

Want to know something else? In all that time, we never touched. Not even a handshake.

Months and months, I BEGGED her to hold my hand. Not even a hug. Just hold my f'in hand.

Nope.

After 6 months of not seeing her, the longing was gone.

I've learned that the longing is really a fear of abandonment. The weird thing is I don't long for her right now. I'm really ok. Yes, I have tears every once in awhile but it's more that my mom made me this way and caused me to lose this relationship. But, maybe it would have been a bad match anyway because she's stubborn, likes to be right, direct, not validating, etc. Maybe even without the transference, I would have struggled to talk.

I do know that if I feel this way (no longing, just really ok) in 6 weeks then I think I'm ending therapy indefinitely. I feel the most normal I've felt in a really long time. I like this. I know my issues to work on and maybe I can do some of it myself.

Working to improve ourselves is never complete. Therapy doesn't solve all things.

Did you have a transition period? Did you wait until your last session to see your new T?