Ts declining to work with me

You could be right. Without these therapists saying specifically why they don't want to work with her it is all speculation. I still think it is best to wait until you get an actual appointment before bringing up specifics with a therapist though.

Also, my point is that consistent boundaries are sort of to be expected from a therapist. Having to specifically ask for them is like asking someone not to punch you in the face before speaking with them, it shouldn't be something you even have to ask for, and for me, that would be a matter of concern.

People who have to ask others to observe professional or social norms up front are people who are likely to be more challenging than others to deal with for a variety of reasons. It's like stopping before going into someone's house and going 'uh, you guys have oxygen, right?'

What I've gathered over my time in this forum, it's that therapists really, really, really dislike dealing with people with boundary issues. And I think they are prejudiced against them. I don't think MusingLizzy has these issues, but I think a therapist could be mistakenly inferring them.

Or maybe you're right and it's just that a therapist doesn't want to be working where another therapist is working, but given that she's asking for the purposes of moving on, I kinda doubt it.

Nope, I am not a boundary pusher...my T did not want to "foster dependence" by continuing what she was offering me, yet I think she WAS fostering dependence, really. I've never called her, but she has no boundaries with Emails/texts. I see her twice a week, and she still encourages me to Email between sessions....if I don't, she'll ask me at my next session "why didn't I hear from you?" I've told her I was busy, or that I just didn't WANT to. She kept bugging me about it, so I got to the point of Emailing her something on Sunday nights...so when I came to session on Monday she wouldn't question me. After awhile, I got to thinking about it, and thought this is STUPID! And I realized I was Emailing her for HER, not for ME. I stopped sending her her Sunday night Email. It took awhile, but she finally doesn't seem to question me about Emails anymore. I'm no T, but seems to me that's fostering dependency all on its own!

I mostly always agree with your posts and perspectives, meow. I'm just not sure there's any way to know how atypical it is for therapists to change things up willy nilly. Maybe it's in the water, but it's very hard to find good ones in my area. My friends all have to go out of town (two had very bad experiences) and I think my therapist mentioned getting a lot of people from my area. I have no words to explain the regularity of therapy f**ckuppery in my city.

Anyway, I don't want to think they're all incompetent, but I also don't think it's rare to find ones that lack skill and consistency. At least, not according to my therapist who has heard enough stories of mangled therapy to not be surprised by my misadventures.

Musing, I'm sure you'll find a way to adjust your approach to locating a new therapist that works for you. You're doing a great job. None of this is easy.

I'm sorry you're having trouble finding a new T.

When I was meeting with T2's, I was very up-front about the fact that I was currently seeing another T, but questioning whether or not we were a good fit. I gave very little detail until I was there in person. And even then, I eased into my issues. I'm slow to reveal as a rule, and I think that helped T2's not feel so overwhelmed or like they were stepping on another T's minefield.

IMO, I think a new T would want to be very cautious with a potential client involved in an emotionally charged situation with another T. They might not want to upset the transference, or encourage you to leave at a time where you could be missing a lot of personal growth.

This sounds like it's fulfilling a need of your therapist - she clearly needs to be needed so she encourages contact that you as a client don't even want.

Any talk of boundaries with a potential T should be left until the first meetings, simply because boundaries are implicit in most relationships, especially professional ones. If you have to bring it up before you've even met then it becomes a red flag that can make a T hesitant. Most Ts are leery of taking on clients that might end up too challenging as time goes on. Even though boundaries are your Ts issue and not yours, it won't seem that way to someone who doesn't know you simply because of the emphasis you are placing on it.

In musing's defense, and accepting some responsibility for my part, several of us have encouraged her over the past many months to (at the very least) seek consultation from another therapist. No one spoke up at that time to say there were dangers in how to go about doing that.

I feel badly that I hadn't anticipated the kind of response she has gotten from the two therapists, because I sure thought it was okay to get help for her therapist problems and to state that as a reason for seeing another therapist. It never occurred to me that so many people would see it as a problem or a red flag. Seems like a pretty messed up system to me, if that's the case. I continue to hope it's not.

Anyway, musing, I hope you're not discouraged by the response from the two who declined to meet with you.

I find it bizarre that this t didn't want foster dependency by hugging or touching yet fostered dependency by literally demanding emails between sessions and sessions are already frequent as it is. That is so inconsistent! Makes no sense!!!

I sure hope you find someone soon

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Thanks for this! I was discouraged at first, yes....and haven't looked around at other T's since. But, it's only been a couple days, really. Who knew consulting with another T wouldn't be simple? Guess I wasn't sure. But, I realize, through experience and the posts on here, that honesty up front is not the best policy in this case...and I went about it wrong.

Thanks Divine, it's become obvious that my T drops boundaries if it suits her....then puts them back up again. Well, Emailing when I WANT TO has become a boundary for me. I'm not going to do it because I feel like I HAVE to.