What's the point?

Somehow I've forgotten what the point of therapy is. Can someone remind me?

Bad childhood yada yada... that cant be fixed... so what the **** have I been doing? Am I just paying for someone to talk to and be kind to me?

I would like an answer to that question, too. Why do I keep going back?

I go to do better in my current life. It doesn't matter so much what caused my problems, I pick a problem and work it out. Plus I have the relationship with my therapist so I know someone is standing in, in my corner, for the parents I don't have. Just to.... listen when I need it, root for me, share insights, and give a little friendly advice on occasion.

Therapists are hired hands, I guess . I've had the best results knowing specifically what my visit is about; sometimes I need to write it down, then stick to the agenda of what I'd like some objective feedback on.

You can't blame your therapist if you haven't done your "homework", so-to-speak; if you walk in with an explosive, tangential condition, you're probably going out in the same decomposition. Nobody can make you choose to listen to another perspective, or how you sound in relation to the condition you were diagnosed with.

That old saying, "It's your dollar!" really does apply. You are paying for the services of a clinician-it's your responsibility to use your "dime" in a productive way.

Therapists are only human, afterall

If I had to give a general, all-encompassing answer in ten words or less: to help you navigate the world as best you can.

The past can't be fixed, no. But theoretically we ought to be able to improve the way we relate to the past that can't be fixed.

I just want to clarify too that I'm not blaming my therapist by any means, he's great at what he does. But, I still wonder what I'm doing sometimes. If I'm paying for a stand in one hour a week parent that's ok, I just want to be clear that's what it is, then I can go from there

Its like, because of your childhood, you never learned to ride a bike. Now your t teaches you to ride a bike.

I find the "it is your responsibility to use it" sort of thinking wrong when they are not clear about what they do or how to do it.
Plus - with all I have been reading on the attachment stuff - a lot of it seems that you spend time talking so that they can do that right brain stuff at you. It probably depends a lot on why someone went in the first place.

I think attachment is just an unpleasant effect of having no other attachments. I'm sure anyone with a good support group would be way less likely to attach like a blood sucking leach to a therapist as I have done.

It depends what you in therapy for.

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For me, the point of therapy is to have a safe place to talk and work on issues. To have my T be there for me to listen without judgement, brainstorm solutions, give advice, suggest other things that I should do, to care about me.

What if that's exactly what you need right now?

Consider this: "Most people go through life not knowing what it is they want, but being pretty sure this isn't it." Therapy is basically about change; something YOU want to see change; typically, it does involve relationships, hence the attachment thing.
You can't change:
-The past
-Other individuals who aren't participating in therapy with you
Hopefully, that narrows things down a bit.

For me: to gain insight into some of the emotional and practical life issues that cause me distress and to gain some tools and ways of thinking about my problems that make my life better.

A good support system would probably help some, but if you're in emotional distress, you may have things that your friends can't or won't be willing to help you with if you need a lot of help.

I think we clutch onto our therapists when we're in a lot of emotional pain because they help us and we fear losing that help.

Will you (or someone) explain what this means or give me a link to read about it? Since I first heard you mention it, I have started wondering if the new one I am seeing is trying something like this. She has very unusual head movements and gestures.

Okay, never mind. As a sort of joke, I tried searching for "attachment" and "that right brain thing" and actually got an article on Right Brain to Right Brain Therapy.

Going away to read now.

excerpt from above article:
*screams and runs away*

Right now, I go to keep from killing myself. In the process of doing that, I'm finding it helpful to have someone listen to me intelligently and without judgement. Having read one of the articles stopdog posted, I can see that she's also doing the right brain stuff, but I don't have energy to get upset about that right now. I've told her in the past that I don't like it when therapists think and do things without sharing, that it feels manipulative. I don't think they can or will stop, but it's nice when I catch it happening and can speak up and say, Oh, I get what you're doing here (a rare event).

for me: learn coping skills and how when/how to utilize them. talk about traumatic experiences and lessen their effects on me in the present day. have a safe, caring, healthy relationship with my T, T re-parenting me, figuring out and working towards life goals like job/school stuff, manage psychotic symptoms and have a safe place to talk about them without judgement

for me my therapist is there to help me in a crisis situation or when im in emotional distress .she is there to guide me out of a sticky situation or I need someone to talk to when im not feeling good about myself .

I think this is very true. Attachment to a therapist (or anyone else who happens to be in a similar role) tends to be a residual effect of not having formed proper attachments earlier in life and therefore little to supports in the present.

*me joining you* If my T ever tried that, I'd probably fake gag at her and squirm around and tell her to stop.

If my t started speaking like this I'd thought she delusional and id never come back. It sound like loony tune Mumbo jumbo.


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I don't know how anyone can speak like this with a straight face. It's like a parody of bad therapy.

If you are not sure what you are getting out of your therapy, maybe you're not seeing the right kind of therapist for you?

I have seen my therapist for two and a half years, and there have been times when I have been like, "What am I doing here?" On the other hand, I have been seeing my university therapist/mentor for six months, and she has revolutionised my life. Her therapeutic approach is very different to that of my other therapist. Whereas my regular therapist is calm and gentle, my uni therapist is the no-nonsense, straight-forward type; she is always "brutally honest", to use her own words. I love that about her. She isn't afraid to say what she thinks and she never tries to "conceal" her reactions. I have learned so much from her, she seems to read me like an open book. She also makes me feel seen, and validated, which means a lot to me.

Is your therapist integrative? Or were they trained in a specific approach? I don't know, that might be worth looking into. I get that you are attached to the one you are seeing now, though, and that you'll probably want to stay where you are. I'm sure you can make it work.