[CantExplain]

To everyone who told me I couldn't change my T: you were right.

The fantasy that I could change T was one of the things that bound me to her. Now that I'm leaving, I can let go of that.

I wonder if I can keep seeing her occasionally while seeing someone else as my #1 T... Must ask her.

[Fixated]

This is the rub of therapy, I think. It's all about you changing. And they have little to no incentive to change themselves even if what you point out about them is true.

I am very lucky that my T took a small bit of my feelings to heart and is trying to be more supportive. By far, however, I am the one who needs to do all the other changing. It might work out with this T; it might not.

I am sorry your situation is ending. I hope you can find peace with it.

[CantExplain]

Thank you.

[stopdog]

For some reason the title of this thread makes me think of
You Can Tune A Piano But You Can't Tune A Fish.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Fixated

I am very lucky that my T took a small bit of my feelings to heart and is trying to be more supportive. By far, however, I am the one who needs to do all the other changing.

It is actually our changing when we tell other people what they can do to better support us-- at least for me, it is a change rather than to expect that they read my mind or otherwise just swallow my feelings about a lack of support.

It is great, though, when a T or anyone is able to do things differently so that we can get more of what we need or want.

But therapy can't really be about changing someone else-- in part that just isn't possible, and besides, why would anyone pay to have someone else change? Sort of like I'm going to pay to watch you eat my breakfast.

[ECHOES]

It isn't just your T. You can't change anyone. It comes from within.

Who would you allow to change you?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

It isn't just your T. You can't change anyone. It comes from within.

Who would you allow to change you?

I think this is a bit pessimistic. People make compromises for all sorts of reasons.

[ECHOES]

What I mean is, it is up to the person.

I meant that you can't change another person.

So.. who would you welcome to come and change you, decide who/how you should be?

[tooski]

I thought of this thread when I read this article. I think it does an excellent job of explaining the T relationship simply and clearly.

FWIW:
Attachment to Your Therapist

[PreacherHeckler]

Originally Posted by tooski

I thought of this thread when I read this article. I think it does an excellent job of explaining the T relationship simply and clearly.

FWIW:
Attachment to Your Therapist

This is exactly the process I went through in therapy. Extremely painful at times but it works if you don't run from the pain!

[tooski]

Originally Posted by PreacherHeckler

This is exactly the process I went through in therapy. Extremely painful at times but it works if you don't run from the pain!

That's wonderful that you were able to get through it, and that there is an other side. The more I mull over the article, the more clarity I get on my current T r/s. I'm still somewhere in the middle of therapy, but I think this is what I'm going through too. Like you said, if I can just tolerate the pain .......

[critterlady]

Can't, this might help explain about trying to change others:

Need to Bounce Back? Get Rid of These 5 Things | Bounce Back: Develop Your Resiliency