[unaluna]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I'm not sure I understand the initial statement. What do you mean by "not bad if it happened in your life"??

I think its like when i said i hadnt been able to sympathize when people would post here that their mother had died. Its about feeling stuck in a situation? Not really bad enough to leave, but not good enough that youre thrilled about staying either.

RTS wasnt being judgy in her OP. MKAC's friend was definitely being judgy towards someone else; thats the difference.

[stopdog]

People do seem to run the gamut between a gaping hole when a parent dies and ding dong the witch is dead.

[Ellahmae]

I want to live in a tiny house. Problem, I have too much crap.

[stopdog]

I like some of the remodeled school buses that people live in year round.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

People do seem to run the gamut between a gaping hole when a parent dies and ding dong the witch is dead.

Probably depends on whether the parent tried to set you on fire

Eta - "and your little dog, too!"

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by stopdog

But perhaps the underlying thing that makes a door slam upsetting could be.

I know, for me, that I find so little that I could label traumatic accurately in general, that I have no basis for determining how to use the word for others. I find overstatement runs amok everywhere. Of course, I only thought the parents were going to kill me a few times, and I so don't really consider to have been traumatic to me. I don't remember it being so. I am being serious. I am always surprised when someone (a therapist for example) gets all worked up about my experience.
I admit to being an alien in these sorts of matters.

I am like this myself. One of my therapists keeps asking me to list the top 3 traumas of my life, and I stare at her blankly. Because I don't think of anything that's happened to me as traumatic, even things other people define as traumatic when I tell them about it (which I hardly ever do).

I know what trauma means in the lives of others (I think), but I do think there's overstatement sometimes (NOT in any personal stories posted here recently, though).

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I did not tell her that her pain was not as good as mine. I told her that her pain did not give her free rein to criticize my actions just because they are not the actions she would take. She cannot justify telling me how to treat my mother just because she also she experienced something she found upsetting from her mother. Does that make more sense?

On the other hand, I do think that words have particular meanings. When a word like "trauma" is used for quite minor things, I think it diminishes the word. If you find someone slamming a door very upsetting, I do not argue you should not feel that way. However, I also don't think you should say it was traumatic.

Yes it kind of makes sense. At least the part about not being told how to act with your own mother. I don't get the part about wishing things had happened to you. Every one has their own nightmares. Would I pick what I had which was being forced to throw up.my food at 5 because I was fat and on and on every day of my childhood and given me a 30 year long eating disorder?? Maybe a gun to the head would have been better. Or worse. Who can tell??? My mom tried to drown me but that did not wreck my life the way the food/ body stuff did. How can anyone know how they'd fare in someone else's situation? ??
So I guess I don't really get it.
But obviously no one should tell you how to treat your mom. My Sil did that constantly when my mom was dying " my mother and I had issues too. You'll regret this"...on and on. I said "you have no clue what I went through with that woman. We are not talking about it anymore. I will not see her and I will not mourn when she is dead. You were not there. It is not your decision"
It shut her up at least. My mom passed away and I did not regret anything or shed a single tear...

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

I want to live in a tiny house. Problem, I have too much crap.

Some old actor - I think it was Spencer Tracy? - used to say if he couldn't pack up his life into two suitcases, he had too much stuff.

I kind of agree, except I would say "one suitcase and a purse." Have I mentioned that I would be very happy living in a cell in a nunnery? (Except for the vows of chastity bit.)

What about one of those storage container apartments?

[stopdog]

I kind of like having stuff. And I really like room so I don't feel trapped or suffocated. My house is even one with fewer walls because of it.

[unaluna]

Well, maybe define "thinking your parents were going to kill you (x times)." I would say theres a difference between (1. You spilled nail polish all over the new couch 2. You broke curfew 3. You wrecked the car) kind of thinking they were gonna kill you, and (repeated incompetence on their part) kind of thinking they were gonna kill you.

t

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by hankster

Well, maybe define "thinking your parents were going to kill you (x times)." I would say theres a difference between (1. You spilled nail polish all over the new couch 2. You broke curfew 3. You wrecked the car) kind of thinking they were gonna kill you, and (repeated incompetence on their part) kind of thinking they were gonna kill you.

t

Mine was due to their treatment of me physically.

[Ellahmae]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Some old actor - I think it was Spencer Tracy? - used to say if he couldn't pack up his life into two suitcases, he had too much stuff.

I kind of agree, except I would say "one suitcase and a purse." Have I mentioned that I would be very happy living in a cell in a nunnery? (Except for the vows of chastity bit.)

What about one of those storage container apartments?

I could do it if I could pack in my purses ha. I think my handbags and shoes would need their own tiny house. I like the idea of it and of not having so much stuff. I don't have much stuff in my home I hate clutter and stuff just 'standing around' but my storage spaces are highly used.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by hankster

Well, maybe define "thinking your parents were going to kill you (x times)." I would say theres a difference between (1. You spilled nail polish all over the new couch 2. You broke curfew 3. You wrecked the car) kind of thinking they were gonna kill you, and (repeated incompetence on their part) kind of thinking they were gonna kill you.

t

Um we are talking stopdog. She was probably being dangled over a wood chippper. It's only trauma if they really drop you.....

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

Um we are talking stopdog. She was probably being dangled over a wood chippper. It's only trauma if they really drop you.....

And it chops off something important like your head.
OR blowtorch hand

[Leah123]

I love the tiny house idea and have started watching the shows about them, but never ever ever would I inhabit one with anyone else, lol. I was not meant to share 300, and only 300, square feet of space for more than an hour or so.

But they are darling and cheap! And cozy! Maybe me and a small puppy, awww, too cute. Maybe one day when hubby's keeled over, daughter's moved out.... I can be a novelist in a tiny house and save my discretionary income for gorging on culture, ooooh a lovely fantasy.

[Leah123]

Stopdog, I'm just advising you.... it's growing increasingly hard not to give you a hug right now.

Because I respect you, I'm going to give a concerned, but hooded look in your direction, the type that masks the concern and go on to other internet pastimes... like earning a living, which I really should stop avoiding.

[stopdog]

Earning a living is much more useful I would think than hugging me. I am all porcipinish.

[BayBrony]

As an aside I got blasted on FB last week for saying that watching the 9/11 news coverage did not qualify as trauma. Unless a loved one was in the plane/building. Watching something on TV is not trauma. You would have thought I was Satan

[Leah123]

Stop tempting me!

There isn't even an lol button with which to vent all my outdated emotions. Urgh.

Bye couch, bbl.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Earning a living is much more useful I would think than hugging me. I am all porcipinish.

My best friend's nickname is " Pine" for porcupine. The more vulnerable she feels the more likely she is to nail you and make you go away. Takes some getting used to....

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Earning a living is much more useful I would think than hugging me. I am all porcipinish.

Speaking from experience...porcupine quills go in real easy and you barely feel them. They are just hard to get out.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Mine was due to their treatment of me physically.

You engaged with them? I thought you were avoidant. I remember telling my older brother that he should sit on the couch like me so then mother wouldnt hit him. He told me i didnt understand. I think i understood plenty, for a freakin preschooler. Thats freakin avoidant.

Possible trigger:

I remember i did not like being hit - especially by my mother, she was fast and vicious; with my dad it was more humiliating for some reason - so

i did whatever goody two shoes crap i had to do to avoid getting hit. So THATS why im such a freakin pollyanna!! I do hate that about myself. Its like its not really me, its an alter!

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by hankster

You engaged with them? I thought you were avoidant. I remember telling my older brother that he should sit on the couch like me so then mother wouldnt hit him. He told me i didnt understand. I think i understood plenty, for a freakin preschooler. Thats freakin avoidant.

Possible trigger:

I remember i did not like being hit - especially by my mother, she was fast and vicious; with my dad it was more humiliating for some reason - so

i did whatever goody two shoes crap i had to do to avoid getting hit. So THATS why im such a freakin pollyanna!! I do hate that about myself. Its like its not really me, its an alter!

Often I was the focus for my lack of engagement. My parents would go to lengths to get a response. The game for me was to see how long I make it last before they broke me.
I score avoidant and have no reason to attach to a therapist. Whether that makes me so or not, I have no idea.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

My best friend's nickname is " Pine" for porcupine. The more vulnerable she feels the more likely she is to nail you and make you go away. Takes some getting used to....

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Speaking from experience...porcupine quills go in real easy and you barely feel them. They are just hard to get out.

Mostly I use them for show or warning. I prefer not to have to use them and don't as long as people stay back far enough.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Often I was the focus for my lack of engagement. My parents would go to lengths to get a response. The game for me was to see how long I make it last before they broke me.

That is the butts. We had more of a Cold War in our house. So i guess i had some power. But either of us using our power could result in total destruction.