[rainbow8]

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com...-of-hugs/?_r=0

This is the link. The article validates what my T does with me.

[junkDNA]

i read this article the other day and enjoyed it

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I really enjoyed that article. Hugs are very powerful and healing. I love my T's hugs.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I couldn't do the imaginary type therapy, so imaginary hugs won't work for me.

[BayBrony]

I agree . Imaginary hugs would break my heart

[Sarah1985]

Ugh, imaginary hugs? No thank you. That would be devastating to me if my T stopped giving me hugs and just said, "imagine I'm hugging you." It would be different if she's never hugged me, then I could handle that.

[Ellahmae]

The part of the article I enjoyed was the description of how healing hugs are supposed to be. The heart rate calming the closeness. That's what I love from my actual hugs from T.

[SkyscraperMeow]

That is a great article!

However, if a T asked me to imagine that they're hugging me, I'd ask them to imagine me telling them to go f**k themselves. Imaginary hugs? There is not enough profanity in the world.

I couldn't even finish the article. It was tremendously upsetting for me in several ways. I got as far as the description of what a hug should be like.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow

That is a great article!

However, if a T asked me to imagine that they're hugging me, I'd ask them to imagine me telling them to go f**k themselves. Imaginary hugs? There is not enough profanity in the world.

Right on! LOL

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by Sarah1985

Ugh, imaginary hugs? No thank you. That would be devastating to me if my T stopped giving me hugs and just said, "imagine I'm hugging you." It would be different if she's never hugged me, then I could handle that.

Yeah, may as well find an imaginary friend then, too, so we can get our imaginary hugs. Then they'd want us to see someone for THAT.

[rainbow8]

I don't agree with the imaginary hugs either! My T has asked me to take holding her hand "with me", to remember the feeling, but she always gives me a REAL hug. I like the idea that touch is therapeutic.

[WrkNPrgress]

Articles like this are a bit tricky because the Therapist is talking about a client who may or may not have serious body/touch or attachment issues we don't know about. I'm not a believer in absolutes, especially when it comes to Freud's ideas on most anything involving affection (ugh don't get me started.) It seems like therapists should be able to play it on a case by case basis. Sometimes there are reasons to analyze the need for a hug, sometimes a hug is just a hug. Some people have other resources outside of session, others don't.

In the family I grew up in, hugs were always available, over almost any other kind of emotional communication. My parents couldn't talk about our feelings but hugs were always an option. To a fault.

The first time my T and I had a hug, my therapist was the one to offer it. I don't even remember what the session was about, something hard, I think. It felt natural but I didn't expect it.
The second time, it was my initiative on the way out the door, I turned back and said, "okay I'll have a hug"- more or less without asking. My T was standing there as if she was open to a hug - so I took it. THAT hug I'll never forget because it was quite long. I actually had let go but then she didn't. I just kind of laughed and said, "Okay, long hug then.." and brought my hands back up to hang on a couple seconds more. She held me until my shoulders relaxed. That was kind of an amazing experience.

We've hugged a couple of times since then but always when I ask and I often don't because I'm a little self-conscious now. I feel like there has to be an 'excuse' or some kind of emotional session. It seems like a resource I don't want to overuse that privilege if that's really a thing.

For the record, I was talking with my Personal T about our Couples Counselor and I said "I wanted to just hug her... (The CC)" and my T said, "You could always just ask." I understood that to mean the same with her as well. I think knowing that I can have a hug when I need one had relaxed that need.

[junkDNA]

i see my T hug his other clients. he runs a group i go to, and he hugs the other women in the group. it seems natural the way they do it. he doesnt just randomly hug me. but i think a lot of that is because of my issues and my past. i think he waits for me to ask. but i dont ask much

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I could not do the imaginary hugs. I would be very hurt and upset if my T stopped hugging me and told me to imagine it.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow

That is a great article!

However, if a T asked me to imagine that they're hugging me, I'd ask them to imagine me telling them to go f**k themselves. Imaginary hugs? There is not enough profanity in the world.

I had a very similar, if less hilariously articulated, reaction to the suggestion of imaginary hugs. Good lord! The nerve of some people. Seriously, does being a therapist give you license to verbalize whatever asinine psychogarbage happens to occur to you? I could also ask a T to imagine that I'm paying her and see if her brain can figure out the difference.

[unaluna]

thats what i was thinking!

[rainbow8]

Just wondering why everyone is focusing on the imaginary hugs. I thought the point of the article was that touching can be very therapeutic!

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Just wondering why everyone is focusing on the imaginary hugs. I thought the point of the article was that touching can be very therapeutic!

Some of the focus on imaginary hugs is just our silliness, I think. But some of it is that the author seems to undermine her own point about the healing power of touch by saying that the brain doesn't distinguish between imaginary and actual hugs. It's kind of an eye roll moment for many of us whose therapists offer cheap-sounding platitudes in response to our out of session distress, especially with regard to difficulties self-soothing. "I'm not actually there for you in any real way when you're struggling, you cannot call, email or get an extra appointment but you can always imagine a hug."

[JaneTennison1]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Some of the focus on imaginary hugs is just our silliness, I think. But some of it is that the author seems to undermine her own point about the healing power of touch by saying that the brain doesn't distinguish between imaginary and actual hugs. It's kind of an eye roll moment for many of us whose therapists offer cheap-sounding platitudes in response to our out of session distress, especially with regard to difficulties self-soothing. "I'm not actually there for you in any real way when you're struggling, you cannot call, email or get an extra appointment but you can always imagine a hug."

Yes this is what had me confused, it spoke about how "Gretchen" benefited massively in a very healing and theraputic way from a hug but the T now offers imaginary hugs only? I didn't get it. I told my T once I wished for a hug she asked me if I ever hugged myself. I rolled my eyes in a big way.

I know how to self soothe as I have done it all my life, it's nice when someone else can soothe you too. Is your T asking you about self soothing?

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Just wondering why everyone is focusing on the imaginary hugs. I thought the point of the article was that touching can be very therapeutic!

Thats the part of the article that I liked. Touch is very therapeutic and can be better than words.