[Ellahmae]

I know some clients have a hard time making eye contact with their T due to topic, shyness, shame, etc. I want eye contact from my T. However, I have recently noticed that when my T finally 'gives me eye contact' she's looking either behind me, or at my ear, or the top of my head. Rarely will she look me in the eyes. Is this normal? I find it odd that a T (which are trained to give eye contact and to help increase your level of eye contact) would avoid the act with me.

Does anyone elses T do this? Not provide you with eye contact when you want it or are looking for it?

Could the avoidance on her end of eye contact be due to counter-transference/feelings/etc?

Just boggling my mind this morning and was curious.

[qwertykeyboard]

my T always holds eye contact with me, even when im not giving it back

[NowhereUSA]

My eye contact with T feels very normal? I don't know how to explain it. We talk and it's very much like when I'm talking to other people. He does keep eye contact with me if I look away or if I'm like, say, sobbing uncontrollably and not looking at him.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

My T always holds eye contact with me. I don't like it sometimes because it feels intimidating. I think I would be able to cry if she did not look at me.

[Ellahmae]

So my feeling is right, that it is odd that she won't hold eye contact with me. Whenever I try it's like I'm forcing her to do it. Like she's uncomfortable. I do believe because of our relationship it has to do with her and not with me and now I'm really curious as to how/why I affect her that way but I'll never be able to ask. Sigh.

[NowhereUSA]

It could be a personal thing and not related to you at all - it might be something she does with all her clients, like a sensory issue or even an unknown medical issue.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Mine has eye contact too. Sometimes i mainly look at the floor when things really hurt me and she'll lean over to get me to look at her or ask me to look at her.

[passionfruit3]

I would ask her about it can't hurt

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[Ellahmae]

I so badly want eye contact with her. When it happens it's overwhelmingly strong and she always looks away first, doesn't last very long or happen often, maybe once a month and I see her 12x a month.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

I so badly want eye contact with her. When it happens it's overwhelmingly strong and she always looks away first, doesn't last very long or happen often, maybe once a month and I see her 12x a month.

I'd find that awkward. Mine even told me that my lack of eye contact gives away my anxiety even when i try to hide it. She says i look at her but i don't hold it as long as someone with healthy confidence, I break it a lot. Seems weird your T would do that. I think I might find it hurtful.

[Ellahmae]

Maybe it's one of those strange therapy phenomenons where I think it's her but it's me? I don't know. I just know we have a really amazing connection and strong bond and the eye contact is so freaking powerful and the emotions with it are so overwhelming and I feel them from her that it's hard for her to stay connected that way for longer than 10 seconds. Who knows. Perhaps I'll start paying attention more when it happens, if it ever happens again. It's confusing that's for sure. I don't think it's hurtful because I really feel it's her and not as much me.

[ruh roh]

My therapist has great eye contact and I know what you mean by the intensity. 10 seconds is a long time if you're not talking--if you are talking and she still looks away, I can understand your questioning what's going on there (unless she's gathering her thoughts or trying to remember something).

[Ellahmae]

I should say it feels like 10 seconds but it's probably only 10 miliseconds it's just long enough to connect and then she's gone. Even when were are talking she doesn't make eye contact it's at my head, ear, out the window, everywhere else in the room, etc. I guess it just gives me something else to focus on besides myself which is helpful in a weird way.

[atisketatasket]

The women persist in making eye contact with me even when I do my best to reject it by not really looking at them.

So my reaction is, weird. Unless you're really uncomfortable all the time with her and she's trying not to put you on the spot, so to speak? But that doesn't sound like your relationship.

I would ask if you can.

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[Ellahmae]

I'm not uncomfortable with her at all by any means it's just odd. I'd like to ask guess I'm scared of the answer because I don't know what the answer would be and usually before I ask a question I have an idea of what the answer will be. Might be a good therapy exercise to do it. Won't be today but hopefully eventually I can.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

The women persist in making eye contact with me even when I do my best to reject it by not really looking at them.

So my reaction is, weird. Unless you're really uncomfortable all the time with her and she's trying not to put you on the spot, so to speak? But that doesn't sound like your relationship.

I would ask if you can.

[baseline]

My T always makes eye contact. I wish I could reciprocate. I can't because of shame and because I'm afraid to cry. I am grateful he is genuine in his care and support but I feel unworthy of it another reason not to make eye contact.((Ellahmae))

[Ellahmae]

Maybe the question I should ask myself is why I want the eye contact so badly....

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

Maybe the question I should ask myself is why I want the eye contact so badly....

I think that's very natural, Ellahmae. I don't think you need to over-analyse why you want that. Of course it would help you feel connected.
I think you should raise this with her. There have been times I have had to tell T certain things about his body language have bothered me and he's reacted very well. I think discussing these things can be really productive and strengthening for the relationship.