[OliviaC]

Well I saw my pdoc today, whom I had seen for therapy since Feb. of 2005. When she went out to have a baby, she told me that she would be doing no more psychotherapy and only med. visits, and she found me a great psychologist.

But last week I found out through the appointment desk that my pdoc is still seeing patients for therapy----so I confronted her today. She admitted that she was "finishing up" with some of her patients (How many? Don't know). Plus she has only been at the university since 2004 so how "old" are these patients? I told her that I would rather have heard the truth from her as all along I would say, you are just seeing people for med visits, right? and she would say "yes".

I feel betrayed and she has lost all credibility with me. She got rid of me in a hurry (my psychologist works for her, as the pdoc is director of the clinic).

She said she was only trying to spare me the "upset" by not telling me. ??? I'm more upset than ever, because if she had only been up front with me in the beginning I would not feel so betrayed and just when I was building up some trust in both the pdoc and psychologist.

Now I don't know how much of this the PhD knows? Maybe I can't trust any of them! Heck my pdoc's husband works for Big Pharma as a scientist (Pfizer) and she never told me that either.

I tend to stay away from people who lie to me, I'm just like that. Who can we trust? I am very hurt and disappointed in her.

Olivia

[sunrise]

Wow, Olivia, I'm so sorry. I would feel very betrayed also if I were lied to like that. It makes me wonder, where do these "professionals" get their training anyway? Don't they cover termination issues in therapy school?

I hope you will discuss this with your psychologist. This was a major breach of trust between a therapist and her client, and therefore it is very relevant to your current therapy relationship with the psychologist. (Plus, who knows, maybe your psychologist can give some educational pointers to your former pdoc, who sounds like she could certainly benefit.)

Will you still see the pdoc for meds? That would be so hard given the past dishonesty. If you need prescriptions, I hope you can find a new pdoc.

[withit]

I was seeing t twice a week. I took a summer job for four-eight weeks (can't recall) during which time I only kept one weekly appt. When I was ready to resume twice weekly sessions my t said she had not reserved my second slot. I said I was flexible with days and timing and if she couldn't give me back my previous time I would take another one.

She said she has no slots available at all. I was like, how's THAT possible???/

I had a gut sense that she was deliberately not making room to see me twice weekly. I further surmised it must be because of the low rate I had been paying her. I had a hard time making use of therapy for the next few months. I kept telling her it's hard for me to trust her. I kept asking her if the reason she's unable to see me twice weekly is because of money matters. She kept saying no. At one point she even said, ''You don't know me by now? I wouldn't do this cuz of money!"

For months I could not regain the level of trust I used to have with her. I kept asking if it's the money. She kept saying no. I kept asking for the second session. She kept giving excuses for not having it.

A few months down the road I cornered her. I had 'caught' her with an available slot. A slot that she offered me when I needed to work around my schedule.

That's when she owned up to the fact that yes indeed it was the money. That I had been paying such a low fee. And I asked her why she hadn't said this to me from the get-go. Her answer: She didn't want to hurt me.

I said I am more hurt this way.

Such betrayal of trust. That trust has never been restored.

When a therapist believes that white-lying will spare her client from being hurt, all it does is wear away the trust that's there.

Olivia, I can relate to your experience. It sux.

[WinterRose]

I get the feeling that terminating a theraputic relationship is not often taught in school. It should be.

I agree with sunrise. That is horrible! Your old pdoc certainly needs to think through what therapy is all about - trust it paramount. It would be good to discuss it with the psychologist.

I wonder about pdocs who do therapy - some of them are natural at it and I don't think they're trained in psychology - more in medicine.

[OliviaC]

Thank you Sunrise, withit, and WinterRose. I feel validated by you guys (((((((((hugs to you all)))))))))

She didn't even seem that sorry when she told me. She did ask forgiveness but was more nonchalant and not seeming to realize that I throroughly expected her to assure me that she was not doing therapy.

I look forward to discussing the whole issue with my PhD, as she is a wonderful therapist (been on Medscape, previous work with a Pdoc in Georgia).

Pdoc will still see me for med visits but mentioned that if I wanted, she could refer me to another pdoc. I will give this some thought after the sting wears off! It seems a few of us have been hurt these days by these "professionals".

Olivia

[OliviaC]

Well I got up this morning and wrote my pdoc a long email (actually wrote it last night and edited this morning). She will get it Monday if she works that day.

I am still feeling sick at the thought that I trusted a doctor (Harvard training) who flat out lied to me on several occasions. I feel so ill that I am having trouble doing anything and barely eating.

She thought I should be grateful (my interpretation) that she was keeping me on for med. visits as she said she's giving up more of those to some of her underlings. I don't really want to see her again, but feel stuck because I need my xanax scripts.

Since my therapist reports to this pdoc, I feel it will be a bit of a sticky situation for her when I see her this coming Wednesday - how can she say anything bad about her boss? I need to have her support right now desperately though!

[sunrise]

((((Olivia)))) it is completely understandable you are feeling this way. Please take care.

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OliviaC said:
She thought I should be grateful (my interpretation) that she was keeping me on for med. visits as she said she's giving up more of those to some of her underlings. I don't really want to see her again, but feel stuck because I need my xanax scripts.

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I think it would be healthiest all around if you didn't continue to see her. JMO. Every visit will be stressful because of the past rupture. Why not see one of her underlings for meds? Or perhaps better yet, go to see a pdoc who is outside of this clinic? It's all sounding a bit incestuous to me.

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Since my therapist reports to this pdoc, I feel it will be a bit of a sticky situation for her when I see her this coming Wednesday - how can she say anything bad about her boss? I need to have her support right now desperately though!

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Olivia, I think your T will err on the client's side and provide therapy to you as her top priority. You are not asking her to badmouth her boss, you will just be sharing your feelings with her about the situation and how you were lied to and betrayed. She will be listening to you and empathizing, but she doesn't have to say anything bad about her boss to do that. She can just say things like "I can see why you feel betrayed" etc. She will not be able to mention your conversation to her boss, due to therapist-client confidentiality. If you are unsure or feeling insecure about this, please raise it at the beginning of your session. You could say something like this:

"I was recently lied to by my pdoc and I'm feeling very betrayed and would like to talk with you about that. I just wanted to verify that our conversations are confidential, right? And check to make sure this is not a conflict of interest for you, since my pdoc is your boss."

You could also discuss with her your dilemma of what pdoc to go to for your meds. Maybe she can give you some good referrals to pdocs outside of the clinic. And if she is unable to do that, wow, I would say she has major conflict of interest.

I keep thinking about your post... and I don't know what I can say that would be helpful... because I am so angry at your pdoc on your behalf... it boggles my mind that she thought that lying to you was OK...she showed such incredible lack of "everything"...

If possible, I wouldn't go back to her for your meds... I am too am concerned that when you go in for a med check, "it" will just be there and you will have to re-live the experience...

thinking of you... freewill