Has anyone had good experiences with relying on their therapist for support?

Just wondering, has anyone here had a long term positive experience which came from relying on their therapist's support outside session time? By long term positive experience, I mean over a period of say, years, has your therapist's support either a) remained constant or b) become unnecessary for your functioning because you've reached a more settled place in your therapy?

Yes, I've seen my t for 2 and a half years and, during that time, my t has been consistent in supporting me outside sessions. I can email or call (text is only for schedule changes) and she will respond every time. It's helped particularly in her gaining my trust and in providing me with support I had never been giving as a child.

Her ability to reply each and every time I reach out has been incredibly positive. She teaches me to reach out and have my needs met. I didn't have that ever before, so it's incredibly important to me.

I saw one for seven years and he was very consistent until he abandoned me. LOL. I thought I had a "good" one like so many here think of their therapists.

I had a therapist for a little over three years, during a very dark and dangerous time for me emotionally, and she was very consistent and open to out-of-session contact. I could email as much as I wanted and I was encouraged to call if I needed. I didn't use the phone call option because I personally don't like the phone, but I did use email to express my feelings, especially after a session that stirred up a lot of emotions. She consistently responded to any and all emails. Occasionally, she would initiate contact via email or a phone call if she was concerned (ie. I missed an appointment once when I totally blanked on it and one email was pretty bleak).

She was also very open to extra sessions when I needed them, and they served to keep me out of the hospital and safe. She also believed in transitional objects and offered me one--I tried it, but I have to say that it didn't do much for me personally. I do understand, however, that many people find them helpful and meaningful. She also explained her policy on "hugging" (she allowed if initiated by client), and was perfectly fine when I stated clearly that that was something I didn't want or need. She explained her boundaries very clearly and never, ever wavered.

When I moved across the country and our time together ended, she asked if I wanted continued contact through email or skyp sessions until I got settled and found a new therapist. I wasn't into skyp sessions (I have a hard enough time connecting in person and didn't feel that internet sessions were something I'd find helpful), but I did say I'd like to be able to email her. I did that several times the first year, about four or five times. She always answered gently and with great compassion and empathy. By the second year, I kind of stopped contacting her and she sent me one more email around the holidays to wish me well. I responded very briefly and I haven't heard from her since. I have no doubt that if I emailed her again, she'd respond, but she's following my lead of not maintaining any more contact. She was an excellent therapist and I miss her (in a good and healthy way!).

The other thing that she did was that she understood how to apologize when she made a mistake. She also knew how to apologize for hurting me when I misunderstood or confused what she was saying to me. She got it that she needed to communicate in a way that wasn't harmful or hurtful to me and when that happened, she OWNED IT! She didn't give a "I'm sorry you're hurt but what I was trying to say" type of apology. She was confident and caring and knew that she could handle being the one who was wrong while I was not in that position at that time. In other words, she was skilled, talented and self-confident in a way that allowed me to use her effectively in my own healing. I haven't found a therapist of her level of skill since.

The one thing the woman does well is stay back and I write her when my bff family person is in the hospital or having a really bad time of it. I write up how it is going and can say things I can't when dealing with the incompetent medical persons or to friends who would try to be comforting when there is no comfort to be had. That has been useful to me and the woman does not write back (thankfully -I don't want to deal with the responses of anyone. In this, she has said she would respond if I wanted but I do not - response for me would ruin it. And in this at least - the woman does seem to listen)

I like mine but I have had about 30+ years of searching and this is the first one. I admit for decades I was in denial and did not have insurance or the money to bother...so do not give up but ditch the ones you do not like and move on. One more thing do not pay attention to their degrees and three letters etc. Mine is a family therapist (not some Phd) and she is the best because she cares and has a lifetime of experience.

I used to email mine pretty much every week. She never gave long responses but I would just ask "Did what I wrote make sense?" or "Are you still there?" or something and she would say yes. Occasionally I would call and she would call back.

I can't email anymore because she changed her policy due to email not being secure enough. It's OK though because I don't really need it anymore. I can still call and I might do so once a month maybe. Mainly yes, I've grown out of the need.

I wouldn't recommend to anyone having only one support person in your life, but combined with others a T can be helpful in that way.

All three of my therapists were very consistent with their support inside and outside of therapy, and I was able to transition to not needing that support over time.

Yes, my therapist's method of providing phone support outside of sessions has probably been one of his most useful techniques. I've seen him about two years, and I am able to ring him when I feel overwhelmed or otherwise in need of some kind of mental reset. He's extremely good at calling back within the day, and he usually helps me to figure out what I can do to help myself take better care of myself. Then I'll usually drop him an email in the next day or two, when I'm feeling better, letting him know how it helped and what I am doing in the next couple of days to continue to look after myself.

I feel like I'm getting much better at watching my moods and helping myself to recover from bouts of depression or intense anxiety. I have much healthier daily habits and I feel very conscious of the need to monitor my mood and do things that will make my life richer and more meaningful, as well as less stressful. Knowing that I have a bit of backup if I need it usually helps me to feel more courageous and willing to take a little bit more risk. I still have days where I feel crappy, but I feel more accepting of them as part of the human experience.

In contrast, in my first serious round of therapy, where I had no between-session support, I developed intense feelings of aloneness and helplessness as I dredged up many traumatic experiences with absolutely no understanding of how to look after myself and ameliorate those feelings.

Thanks so much for the responses, everyone. It's good to see how people relate and react to being able to feel supported outside the main hour of their therapy. It's been tough for me to accept I kind of need that too, but it's reassuring seeing various experiences, some great, some good and yes, some far from ideal as well.

Sorry late to the game here.

My T let's me email him as much as I want. He doesn't often respond and that's fine. If I need a response, I tell him so. I can also call and leave a voicemail. When I was hospitalized I left so many his voicemail filled up O.O

I've worked with him for going on seven years. My need for outside support has increased or decreased based on my stability. Now that we have an actual effective treatment for my depression my emails to him are far and few between with me probably emailing him once or twice every few weeks.

I think it was helpful and I view his support in a very positive light.

Yes, and yes. It's been a life-changer in the best sense. A lot of hard work, but life-changing. And I've read some wonderful stories of it here on the forum too, though I know people are so much less prone (not just about therapy but other news in our lives too) to post as much about the positives as about the ruptures.

Jaybird's post reminds me a great deal of my therapist, so I appreciate it being said so well:

My therapist doesn't like for any of her clients to talk much about anything on the phone, she'd rather us come in for a session. She's really big on face-to-face communication, and I like that about her. So, even though my phone calls with her are typically 5 minutes or so long, she is consistent in fitting me into her schedule whenever I think, or more often than not, she thinks I need to come in to see her. There hasn't been one time that I've called with an issue or when I've been in a bad place that I haven't had an extra session or had my session moved up to an earlier date. I don't contact her a lot at all outside of session, so I certainly appreciate her extra time if I need it.

I have been seeing my t for nearly two years now and she has never let me down with needing extra support. I have only asked her twice for extra sessions and those two times she offered me a session that day. She will always reply to texts or calls and last week she said she wants to support me more by holding me when we begin to explore my anger and to feel it because I am so afraid of letting it out.
I believe a therapist has to have firm strong boundaries and be consistent from the start for therapy to be supportive.

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I think sometimes there is a gap between ideas of what would constitute support.

I think that this comment is right on the money. What the client feels is the right level of needed support and what a therapist believes is supportive for the client and manageable for them is where the problem develops. In my opinion, this confusion is where many therapists fail and I put the responsibility for this failure squarely on their shoulders because he/she is the trained professional. This is one of the biggest areas of failure to provide the proper level of care to clients. In other words, they have the book learning, can quote it back and write an essay on the subject without difficulty, BUT when it comes to putting things in practice, they have failed to properly consider and contemplate HOW to put this knowledge into safe, therapeutic practice with their clients. I think experienced therapists can make this mistake/error just as well as new or inexperienced therapists.

Clinicians are taught in their programs that they must have firm, consistent, manageable boundaries that are helpful and emotionally healthy for clients. They KNOW this intellectually, but I think many have failed to assimilate this information in a real life, professionally/personal way. Many fail to understand the impact of their failure to do the critical self-evaluation/self-assessment that allows them to come up with the correct balance of therapeutic support and encouragement of self-coping in the client.

Perhaps therapists egos and own emotional needs get in the way--ex: A feeling that they can "love" their clients into emotional wellbeing by being their savior/supporter through every up and down rollercoaster ride of emotional turmoil, but when they get overwhelmed or fatigued trying to maintain the level of support they put in place, they pull back in an effort to maintain their own sanity and life, forgetting or not realizing how devastating this withdrawal is to the therapeutic relationship. They end up really hurting their clients and saying, "I'm doing this for you own good" just doesn't cut it. If he/she had thought this through better before blurring the boundaries, they wouldn't set their clients back in further in their journey to better emotional health. Or perhaps the therapists don't "get it" how painful abandonment is for their clients because they aren't able to EMPATHIZE what abandonment feels like because they've never experienced it! They're happy, secure and confident in their lives and those feelings just aren't on their radar. They don't get it how hurtful the sudden withdrawal of support is for a client. Or if they understand intellectually that it can hurt a client by inflicting an abandonment wound, they don't really get it on a deep and meaningful level--to them it's something they've read about in a text book or heard a lecture about. If a person really and truly understood and got how an abandonment wound feels and he/she had any level of empathy, he/she wouldn't inflict it!

I meant support as determined by the therapist and what they initially offer, ie, emails, phone calls, extra sessions etc. So any gap would only be between what the therapist first offered and what they were still offering later on down the line.

I think the gap between what a therapist offers and what a client feels they need is a slightly different topic, probably still worth discussing, but not the intention of this thread. I was more interested in people's experiences of consistent support in the form it originally took.

One could probably discuss endlessly different forms of support and what is desired, needed, etc.

I had a good experience for about a year and a half, until the therapist terminated. I think in her case she got outside advice. I sometimes think that's when things go bad for clients, and they never know because the therapist doesn't say that they got consultation that advised them to change things up. When I look back, she was the wrong therapist for me, very inexperienced, so it was good that it ended. But the way she handled it was devastating.

So far, with my current therapist, it hasn't been long enough to fit your criteria (just under a year), but it's so very different than the other therapist. With this one, she doesn't always respond to between session emails, but she responds when it matters, and we don't get into the weeds with topics that can cause more problems and misunderstandings. Also, I find that some weeks I need less contact and am actually having good experiences that last. I don't need or look for my therapist to fill a role in my life outside of therapy. BUT, when I go south, she seems to always respond in the right way with the right amount of support, and not in a way that makes me feel dependent.

Therapist of 7 years offers no outside support. I can call and leave a vm, but she doesn't return calls. She doesn't allow email. She has her schedule online and any of her clients can make appointments whenever, so i can schedule extra if I want; however, she is usually booked a couple months out so if I'm not fast enough at scheduling or forget, it can be a month or 2 before I see her. So I look for support elsewhere.

I have .I been seeing my therapist for a year now. she is always there for me outside of my sessions with her. I know that she is by my side until im cured from anxiety and depression. but I know I will have relapses from anxiety and depression.







Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

My therapist was very good about out of session support. She really was always there for me whenever I needed it, she never set limits. I think it was definitely good for me, it helped me feel more able to reach out to people and get my needs met.

My ex-T didn't support well at all. She wouldn't always return my texts even for scheduling saying she forgets to hit send which made me feel like I was bothering her. She didn't email so it was text or call and I rarely did either due to her responses being so inconsistent.

New T. is the complete opposite which I'm having a hard time accepting. I can text, call or email anytime. She responds that day and usually a decent response in length. She is glad I'm emailing because I'm telling her more of my feelings than I can in our sessions. She's very empathetic and reassuring. THIS is what I needed from my first T. and I believe her lack of responses intensified my transference and abandonment issues.

I have limited but consistent outside-of-session support if I need it. The typical routine has been talking to her nurse as initial "triage" and she'll either offer me advice directly or relay a message to my psychiatrist (who is my therapist as well). Then she'll relay any messages/refills, etc as directed by my psychiatrist. In the two crisis situations I had, she called directly to talk to me, once resulting in a next-day appointment, the other resulting in a medication addition.

In terms of my "needs" for outside of session support, I am in a much better place than I was before so I don't need as much support, but also am willing to ask for what I need and place a call before I get really bad.

1.5 years ago - T had pretty good boundaries. My T initially offered me 1 email per week, and a phone call to her home office for emergency use only. I remember early on T told me she would never dream of giving her cell phone number out to a client as that line was strictly for her own personal use. T also used to have a back-up T for me to call if needed while she was on vacations. No hugs. Well, within about 6 months, we were emailing each other often, phone calls were offered anytime, and she gave me her cell phone number. As for vacations, T insists I contact her if I need to. No back-ups needed anymore. Lots of hugs every session, and plenty of self-disclosure.

Contact now is initiated by both myself and T, often, during the week. Contact is usually over email, but sometimes phone or text. Boundaries pretty much do not exist, but, I respect her personal time and don't over do it with any communication with her (same goes for her with me). Although, a dependency certainly has been fostered here. I am deeply attached to her. She genuinely seems very attached to me. Thus far, the dependency and need for this relationship is healthy.

My T is older (upper 60's), works 1 or 2 days a week. She does not have a superior or supervisor. I think she only has 2-3 clients at this time. She is extremely intelligent, knowledgeable and helpful in the field, and insightful. She also believes matters of the heart come first. We both love each other (non-romatically). With all of that, I have good reason to believe that she will not go back on her boundary breakage. I am not blind to the possibility that it could happen, but, at this point I have to believe it will not.