[neutrino]

I've been seeing my current psychologist for a year and a half now. She has made such a huge difference in my life and I'm definitely doing better now (even though I'm still far from OK) than before I started seeing her. It's a very important relationship to me and it's the only therapist-patient/client relationship that has worked for me (please note that I don't her to be my friend or anything, I'm just very thankful I can talk to her).

Yesterday an acquaintance of mine (who knows I'm very happy with my current therapy situation) asked me if he could start seeing my psychologist. My first thought was "no, no no no no no no NO". Let me explain. I'm very aware my psychologist has other patients/clients. I'm very aware I don't own her in any way. I'm very aware I'm not special to her and I think it's great if she can help other people the way she helps me. However, for some reason I'm really uncomfortable with the thought of someone I know suddenly seeing the same psychologist. I'm not sure why I'm so uncomfortable with that thought. I've been trying to figure it out and I think it comes down to two things:

1. It could get very weird. I don't want the acquaintance to discuss his therapy situation with me if we have the same therapist. I just think that's really weird and wrong somehow, which leads to the next point:

2. It feels wrong because it's such a private thing. This relationship I have with my psychologist is really private and really important to me. Like I said, I know I don't own her or anything and that's not what I mean. It's just a part of my life that I want for myself. Something I don't want to share with people I know. Is that stupid or weird? Is it understandable?

I feel really selfish. Especially since I know the acquaintance has had some problems finding a good therapist. Am I selfish? Yesterday I replied (he wrote me me a message) that I think it could be really weird but that I feel selfish for thinking that way. He hasn't replied yet so I don't know if I've upset him or something. I feel bad. Just thought I'd ask you guys what you think. What do you think? And how would you feel if someone you know wanted to see the same therapist?

I'd feel exactly the same as you. Did you tell your friend the name of your psychologist? A friend asked me the name of my T as she knows a few Ts in my area, I told her I'd rather not say.

[musinglizzy]

If this helps at all, my T would NOT knowingly see someone one of their clients know. Friend/relative/coworker/whatever. Knowing what my T has told me in the past, if I were in your shoes, I'd talk to my T about how this person approached you about seeing your T, and that you feel weird about it and want to know why. Our situations may be very different, my T is in a large city where there are plenty of others to seek out. And she's not taking in any new clients anyway.

I'm with Brown Owl. I don't tell people, even my family, my T's full name. They know her first name, but again, big city.... I guess my main reason is that I would never want someone contacting her "on my behalf" for any reason, but it is also a relationship that I CAN and am able to keep to myself. I also appreciate that if I'm angry or hurt by her, I can talk to people about it if I choose to and I'm not badmouthing her, because they wouldn't know who she was. I'm very secretive about my T's identity with local friends/family especially....I thought it was quite strange to be this way, but I've told my T about it and she says really it's not all that unusual.

[Rive.]

Well, first off, glad to know you're doing better neutrino and that you finally found a good T.

I would not like to share T either in your shoes... And yes, I would feel very selfish too.

But seriously, even your T might have a problem seeing an acquaintance of yours. I think Ts check comfort levels of the client who was here first and refer the other one. Could you discuss this with your T and get a referral for your acquaintance?

Besides, your T being a good fit for you does not necessarily mean they'd 'work' (be a good fit) for someone else. Food for thought (which might also lessen the guilt you feel).

[Coco3]

Last year, a friend of mine needed psychological help. She knew I was in therapy, and she knew I was very content with my T. I don't recall if I referred her or if she asked if it was okay for her to see him. I was okay with it at that moment. Later on, when she actually went to see him, and a few times more, it bothered me a little. I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe it was jealousy, maybe it's because it's a private thing.

Her issues were very different from mine, she has seen him only a couple of times, while I've been in therapy for almost two years. I've established a different, closer bond with my T then my friend has with him. And I can't help but feeling good about that sometimes. Like he loves me more or something. A very childish, primal reaction. I got that also when my friend went to see my T again after my therapy had ended. I was still grieving losing him and I felt so jealous that she could see him and I couldn't.

I accepted feeling jealous and all, I know it's only my child part that feels that way. Grown up me is okay with it. My friend deserves a good T too, and she's doing fine now because of my T. I've told my friend some of my feelings, not all. She doesn't need to know.

[neutrino]

Thank you for the replies. They suggest I might not be crazy for thinking the way I do about this situation, which is good to know.

I haven't told the acquaintance the name of my psychologist (at least I don't think so). The thing is we go to the same place (but see different therapists) and it seems like he might want to change and see mine instead. It's quite a small place so I guess it's entirely possible he'd end up seeing the psychologist I go to. I'm thinking about telling my psychologist about this whole thing and how it makes me feel but I'm worried she's going to think I'm weird, too attached or simply out of line. I also feel guilty because what if my psychologist would be a "perfect fit" for my acquaintance and I'm denying him the possibility of getting some real help?

The therapist has an obligation to current clients first. You are not out of line and it would be a positive thing to express your fears to your T. I think most good T's would refer him to someone else or otherwise decline his request for therapy if it is likely to impact on you. Don't worry - it's ok to put yourself first here!
I recommended a friend to my current T and discussed it with T, including possible problems, and I know my T only accepted to see her because he knew I was fine with it. I was more attached and insecure when I was with my first T. I wouldn't have wanted him to see anyone I know and I would have told him so.

[Chummy]

I wouldn't want someone I know to start seeing my T. If someone would ask me the name of my T and where she works, I wouldn't tell. I don't think that's selfish. My current T is a very good T and she's a very good T for me. That doesn't have to mean she would also be a good fit for someone else. She's wouldn't be a bad T, but it just doesn't have to mean she would be a good fit with everyone.
I might recomend the practise where I first saw her (she doesn't work there anymore), but I wouldn't tell where she works now.
I know she has many other clients, but I just don't want to share her with someone I know. That might also come from some insecurity.

[DelusionsDaily]

She's JUST a T. I definitely dont have a monopoly on her. I have personally given her card out more times than I can count...most to people I know pretty well. It doesnt phase me!

It wouldn't bother me and I've given his name to several people over the years, but that's me. You have to do what feels right for you, and if it would bother you, you should voice that to your friend.

[junkDNA]

one of my friends asked me if i would mind if she saw my T. she said she knows i have a really good relationship with him and she wants that. i said no, i would not like that. she asked, "you dont want to have the same therapist?" i said no. she said she respected my decision. i dont think its weird to not want a friend to see your T. i think its common

[Myrto]

This is not weird at all. I would not want to share my therapist with anyone I know (hell, ideally, I wouldn't want to share her AT ALL).
There is no reason to feel selfish imo: this is an important part of your life that you want just for you and it's perfectly understandable and as you pointed out, it could get weird if you happen to mention stuff in your session to your acquaintance and she compares it to her own sessions, or the other way around, etc.
To me, the idea of my T having other patients is disagreeable so I like to keep these people as abstract as possible.

[gayleggg]

I wouldn't have a problem with it. I would recommend my therapist to someone that needed help with no problem.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[unaluna]

In the U.S. i believe its part of the ethics to not see family or friends of a client. A ts first - whats the word, devotion? stg like that - is to the original client. So no - someone else does NOT get to come in and rain on your relationship. That could be re-enacting sibling rivalry all over again, for example, and that would not be cool!.

There's no way I'd be cool with someone I knew seeing my T. He's MINE! Haha!!!

[Tearinyourhand]

I would gladly share my T and do. he's good and my DH started seeing him individually. we don't do couples work bc it's not needed. I love how useful T has been to DH. I feel very secure in my relationship w/ T so I don't feel possessive or jealous.

[Daystrom]

I absolutely could not tolerate my T seeing anyone else I knew, because therapy IS such a private thing, and if your T were ever to see a friend or a family member of yours then it WOULD, sooner or later, compromise your privacy and control to one degree or another.

(Of course, I don't want to share my T with anyone else at all....)

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by neutrino

Thank you for the replies. They suggest I might not be crazy for thinking the way I do about this situation, which is good to know.

I haven't told the acquaintance the name of my psychologist (at least I don't think so). The thing is we go to the same place (but see different therapists) and it seems like he might want to change and see mine instead. It's quite a small place so I guess it's entirely possible he'd end up seeing the psychologist I go to. I'm thinking about telling my psychologist about this whole thing and how it makes me feel but I'm worried she's going to think I'm weird, too attached or simply out of line. I also feel guilty because what if my psychologist would be a "perfect fit" for my acquaintance and I'm denying him the possibility of getting some real help?

What about just going into your next session (or Email if you have that option) and ask her what her policy is on seeing friends/family of current clients. That way you aren't "giving your feelings away" if you're not ready....and it's a good way to open the topic. Then, if you like her answer, you can share the situation with her.

Don't feel weird about your feelings. It's common, as you're seeing from this post. I actually have OFFERED to refer a couple friends to my T....but they decided they weren't open for therapy yet, and it is then that I found out my T won't see someone I know. So I actually told one of my friends if she decides she'd like to see her, not to say anything about me referring her. She would be there for her own issues, not issues between us. So I guess I'd be picky. There may be certain people I wouldn't care.... some friends, coworkers, etc. But I think family, and certain friends, I might have a problem with "sharing" my T with them. Thankfully that will never be an issue.

[Salmon77]

Depends on what you mean by an acquaintance. I would not want to share a therapist with someone close to me, like a good friend or family member, anyone who would be likely to come up in my or their conversations with the therapist. But an acquaintance, nah, I wouldn't care.

Many years ago i had a best friend dealing with the same issues i did and she wanted to see my therapist. I thought my therapist was wonderful(little did i understand back then she was terrible). So i encouraged my friend to see her.
Bad decision.
It started out fine. But after a while some kind of "subling rivalry" started between us. It was like she started competing with my for our therapists attention and love.
Eventually, things got bad. Lets just say i no longer speak to that girl, and that therapist disappeared out of my life eight years ago.

[ruh roh]

I had the same therapist as a couple friends once, and it turned out we all had different issues with her and all concluded that she was pretty bad. In that case, it worked out great because they affirmed my feelings. The one I see now is a different deal because I would not want to hear what they would say; mostly likely they would pry more information out of her because they have a knack for that, and it would make me feel like my therapist didn't trust me. One of them even got a therapist to write me a check for some insight I had on the friend's relationship (and I hadn't even met that therapist). It's kind of amazing because I live in a capitol city, so you'd think they were not all playing banjos and married to cousins, but it's that bad. My friends and I have learned to go to another city for therapy. It turns out we are not alone. I think it's that a lot of state workers get burned out and become therapists for a second career.

I've referred a friend to the clinic I attend and my therapist and her colleagues would comment about how my therapist would be a good match for my friend.

I found myself getting very jealous at the thought of "sharing" therapist though, even though I agreed that my friend's issues would be best treated by my current therapist.

I felt my therapist would find my friend to be more interesting clinically, plus more likeable, and like I was a client she dreaded.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I would not want anyone I know to see the same T as me. I don't tell anyone I am in therapy so no one would ask about it but for the sake of this post, I would not tell anyone the name of my T or her practice.

[doyoutrustme]

No sharing, that is weird, awkward and yes a little bit selfish.

[laxer12]

I'm with you, I would not want someone I knew to see my T. The only people who know I have a T are across the country so I don't have to worry about it, she's mine I feel a bit possessive over her but right now I'm okay with that. She plays a very important role in my life and means a lot to me.