[granite1]

so stupid me tries to talk to that cold B itch of a T i have and the truth is because i did she now believes i do not have genuine emotion in my body and im tired of trying to get her to understand .im just so tired of anything .

[JaneTennison1]

Granite, I'm sorry you are struggling right now. Is this the same T you talked about before? She sounda like it is worth continuing to work with her.

[JustShakey]

(((Granite)))
Sounds to me like you're mired in transference I wish I had something helpful to say...

[stopdog]

I am sorry you are having such a tough time of it.

[granite1]

it isnt transference she is doing the same **** the T told the mother to do when i was about 6 or 7. she tells me a t would never do something like that and then she turns around nd does the same bull s hit .the mother use to sit me in a chair for all in my family to see and say horrible things about me . and what my T is doing to me is no different exsept it is in her office .in a chair judging me and two weeks ago she hadme sitting in this chair and im trying to tell her of my week and how im feeling and the end her basic statement was so why are you making it all about you ?? exactally the crap the mother would say if she was thinking i wanted attention .or spoke out of turn ,had a simple wish ,an opinion i had no right to . she says T dont do this stuff and she is now saying im making things up ,pretending , making things all about me . this is if i try and speak .if i dont speak this is a problem also . i know im horrible and everything she says ald all that but if i say it im lying . i know get a net T etc.... IT"S me that is horrible a new T cant help with that at all . im so confused . i cant open my mouth .now do you know why i never ever talked to anyone before .it was such a painful mistake to even try .to trust

[clairelisbeth]

Why don't you find a new therapist?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[pbutton]

Granite, I wouldn't put it past your mother to have lied about what that past T "told" her to do. I mean, if I wanted to justify acting like a sadistic asshole, I could come home from therapy and tell my husband that my T said it would be a good idea for me to abuse him. That doesn't mean my T had anything to do with it. Is it possible your T was trying to ask you if you thought maybe that might be the case with the mother?

Also, I've noticed in some of your posts that it seems as though you experience other people's actions as a reflection of you. As in - "my friend was mean, it is because I am awful and people know I deserve awful things." No, maybe it has nothing to do with you and your friend is simply self-centered, disappointing, unable to keep commitments, or acting like a jerkwad that particular day. I wonder if that is what your T could have been trying to bring up?

Have you ever tried a male T? I can't recall.

When I read the things you write about your T, it doesn't sound good, there seems to be a lack of attunement.

[ruh roh]

This may or may not be true for you, but whenever my therapist sounds like a family member, and I react negatively against myself, I know I'm in the throes of transference. When I'm feeling better, I can see that my therapist's words or actions were triggering an old scenario (family member's narcissistic rage) wherein I was the bad guy. When I come out of it, I see that her words had an entirely different meaning than my family member's words. Separating that out--seeing that the old stuff was not about me and my therapist's words are not my family member's--is how I claw my way out. The old way is mental hell. Telling myself that all that judgement and hate is not about me is hard--it's so familiar and safe in a way because I know it--but when I can get free for just a bit, it feels great.

I'm not sure if any of that rings true for you or not, but that's what I see when I read your posts.

[peaches100]

Granite,

I'm sorry your experience feels like something you went through as a child. But often when this happens, as another person posted, it is a sign of transference. Are you sure that you aren't "reading into" what your t is saying? Did she actually say the words, "I don't believe you" or "You are making this up?" Also, when she told you that you didn't have emotions, I didn't read that as an insult. I think she might have meant that you don't feel your emotions in your body. Many of us who have gone through traumatic experiences have stuffed our painful emotions down so far, we don't notice how we are feeling much of the time. Could that be what she meant? I'm not trying to minimize your hurt feelings at all. I just know that at times you have misinterpreted what your t says in a way that makes you feel judged, when she may not have meant what you think she meant.

Please discuss this with her some more. I can see how much pain you are in about this. I do this same thing. Anything my t does or says that even remotely seems like anything my parents did to hurt me, and I immediately feel hurt and take it the wrong way, assuming that she is doing the same thing. It always feels horrible until we talk it over and straighten it out.

It makes sense that we would react to things this way because we are trying to protect ourselves from any further hurt. But try to give your t the benefit of the doubt until you can talk about it some more. If, after doing that, you still feel judged and unsupported, you could look for another t. But I've read enough of your posts to think that your t really cares about you. So do we here on PC!

Peaches

[unaluna]

Ruh roh - that has happened to me. Im like, what did you say?? Cuz it REALLY sounded one way, but he always means the complete opposite. But in that moment - im just crushed.

Eta - this morning honestly i felt like i have been all my life just bathed in my mothers negativity. Like a thick bubble of it. Maybe a thick bubble of fat.

[JaneTennison1]

There was one time I was sure my T sat perched on the table, right in my face saying what she was saying. It wasn't until later I realised she would never sit that close and what she was saying had just sounded like someone else but hadn't actually been mean. It was a sharp wake up call.