[ThingWithFeathers]

You know, topics that can trigger clients' emotions or are just plan challenging to talk about. Or does your t wait for you to bring up these difficult to talk about, but important to explore, topics?

My t takes things slowly and, while she asks difficult questions and brings up difficult topics occasionally, she does not push me in any way. But when t is away, I sometimes see her colleague, who is more inclined to challenge me by bringing up difficult topics.

I like the slow pace with my t, but her colleague is good too. Very different, but good. They're just different ways of practicing, and I can see benefits of each approach.

What's your experience with your t?

. . . a bit of both actually. Generally I take the lead. There have been occasions when T pushed/challenged a bit based on what was going on with me. Both approaches have had their time and place have been effective.

[Pennster]

Mine does but never in a challenging way. He checks in with me on things that he knows are painful but important to me.

[Knittingismytherapy]

Mine does and he doesn't.
Ultimately, I control what we talk about, but he has a good read on me and will bring up a subject and ask why I'm avoiding it. Often he is right and I'm using other issues to avoid a subject we had been discussing in a previous session but what super hard and not something I want to talk about. Talking about why I'm avoiding the subject usually brings us right into the subject.

[ruh roh]

Only recently (after almost a year), but just a smidge. This last time it was in answer to a question of mine, and she prefaced it with a caution that it could go deep. I said sure, she said a few things, I spaced out and we moved on to something else. So basically, that is why she doesn't bring up difficult topics too much and leaves it to me. Therapy feels like a spiral in a way, where we circle back around to things over time, going just a little deeper each time, but never diving right to the bottom.

[stopdog]

The first one thought she was - but I have different ideas about what is difficult than she does. I do not respond well to a therapist pushing me in any way.

[atisketatasket]

Both of mine have realized to their credit that they shouldn't push me. Otherwise they'll find themselves in the middle of a minefield with no way out, metaphorically speaking. I do bring up difficult topics on my own, as that's why I'm there.

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[justdesserts]

My t will challenge me when he knows I'm being avoidant, and he may press gently, but he always gives me the space and time I need.to work through the emotions and experiences.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

My T waits for me to bring things up. She starts the session by asking me how I have been doing and then lets me take the lead. It would make therapy harder and cause me more anxiety if she brought up difficult topics.

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I've been seeing my T for about 6 months. I feel quite exposed talking to her, she doesn't bring any topics up, she lets me lead. I would find it hard if she brought up any difficult topics at the moment. Are you feeling you'd quite like your T to bring up more hard topics? Do you want to bring up hard topics yourself?

[AnxiousGirl]

Oh boy... My T tries everything in her power to get me to talk about challenging things. I'm actually in this situation now and have a session tomorrow Pretty nervous. When I tell her I don't want to talk about something or do exposure she says she understands but that she wants to help me do it. So either way if I say no I do it, if I say yes I do it !

[Chummy]

She does sometimes. She has brought up difficult topics, but it were topics I had brought up before, but we needed to talk about those more. There's one hard topics which she has never brought up. I've told her about it once, but she hasn't asked me about it after that session. And that makes me afraid to bring it up again.
She's usually the one who leads the session. If I want to lead, I can do that. But it's very hard for me. She want me to take more of control of the sessions. She wants me to talk more and to decide about what we talk. It's really hard for me to do that, so we working on that.

[laxer12]

My T waits for me to bring it up. One time I was quiet for a few minutes because I was thinking about whether or not I wanted to talk about something that happened when I was on vacation back home. I had emailed her about it once just so I could tell someone but didn't discuss it over email. She asked me what I was thinking when I was silent and I told her I was thinking about whether or not I wanted to talk about it. She didn't push me at all and just waited for me to start the discussion.

This last week I asked her to come up with a topic for the day and she actually played it well and had me do an exercise based on my emotions and needs. This gave way to a good discussion but it was based on my answers to the exercise, not what she thought was important to talk about.

[AnaWhitney]

She usually lets me lead but I don't want to any more, I feel stupid

[junkDNA]

He waits for me most of the time. sometimes he brings things up, but the bigger and scarier things just wait.

[granite1]

god no she is to timid to do something like that she might have to work or something

[JustShakey]

Sort of. He'll gently nudge me in that direction. Once I figure out what he's doing I'll usually take over. Even if I haven't a clue what I'm talking about. That can get interesting... I spent a goodly chunk of last session yanking on my hair and biting my knuckles because I was uncomfortable and frustrated and hadn't single effing clue what I was trying to say...

Some of both . Sometimes she brings up something and i tell her "i am not talking about this!" And eshe says "oh yes we ARE talking about this!"
Sometimes though it is me who brings up the hard topicss.

[Bill3]

I find that T is quite reticent. But she has mentioned that it depends on the client, it sounds like she might be different with different clients.

You mentioned that the other T challenges you. I think that a third way is to invite.

[spring2014]

My therapist ask me what do I want to talk about in counseling with her. between her and I is open topic . she can tell if she tells me some thing difficult to talk about in counseling with her my eyes get all watery and she said to me in my session with her that I have this perplex look on my face . other times she would say " I'm confused could you clarify that w me"
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Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

[ejayy78]

Up until this past year and a half, no. She let me take the lead because I guess she knew I wasn't ready to talk about any of the bad stuff. Now, I tend to avoid talking about the abuse because sometimes I feel paralyzed with fear when we talk about it. So she will usually push me to talk only because I would sit there stubbornly avoiding talking about anything hard, wasting my time and hers. She is always gentle with me though and lets me call the shots of when I've had enough and we immediately change topics. Someday I want to be able to lead the conversation and not let my fear take over and cause me to avoid talking all together.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T does not bring up difficult topics. But once I bring them up, she asks a ton of questions. Normally, I only last a few minutes of questions before I shut down. Then she gets frustrated, but now she'll change the topic so I can calm down.

[dontevenknow]

People are different, the therapist should be aware of that and responsive.
Personally, I think it is best (for me) if a T brings up hard topics but approaches them with a sensitivity. I think they should be willing to push, but also know when to stop and back off. They should encourage clients and give them the space to open up but not to a harsh extent that ultimately leads them to shut down, break down, or otherwise get worse.
I have a hard time bringing things up, even if I am willing to talk about them.
I had a therapist in the past who was very upfront, which I really liked. She didn't walk on egg shells but she knew when I was having a tough time and was respectful of that. She always told me that I could say no at any time. I could tell her we weren't going to go there, or that a we needed to change the topic. But she wouldn't let me completely off the hook, she would ask me why. She accepted my needs and boundaries but also sought to understand what was difficult about what we were talking about. I think this was a very good approach (for me).
I don't like when therapists assume a topic is "off limits" for a client, or is fearful of pushing a client too hard but simply asking a question or suggesting a topic. If you have a good relationship and have been seeing someone for a while, they should be able to tell whether you would do better one way or another.

[AncientMelody]

Nope, I lead almost all of the therapy topics. Whether I want to work on acute anxiety symptoms, discuss difficult family situations, current work issues, impsulive spending etc. We work on whatever I bring to the session.

[nervous puppy]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I find that T is quite reticent. But she has mentioned that it depends on the client, it sounds like she might be different with different clients.

You mentioned that the other T challenges you. I think that a third way is to invite.

AH! You explained what I was trying to compose quite well!
My T is typically the "invite" type. Usually letting me bring up the topic, but she asks the questions, gently, always "inviting" me to correct her if she's wrong, or change the direction.