therapist stopping hugs

That's why as much as I really (really) don't want to talk about it I am interested to see if he will admit to anything after all. I don't know though. I have had very little conflict with him but I've gotten the impression before that he doesn't like to be told he makes mistakes. We will see.

I'm more hurt and sad the more I keep thinking about this. My psychologist insisted that he is not being cruel, he said I must know he isn't a cruel person (true) so I shouldn't take it in that way. I can't help my feelings though. I'm at the worst point in my whole life... and then the way he dropped the bomb after a big chunk of the session went by, mostly me sitting in silence because I was too depressed to talk... "At the risk of making things worse, the hugging has to stop" ...and he said he knows the timing is bad and that I'm hurting, yet he did it anyway...I don't care if I'm being unreasonable and emotional, it feels so mean. My family member was ripped away from me and now the hugs are ripped away from me and I just feel broken and wounded. I know i need to talk to him but all I want is to curl in a ball and sleep forever

The hugging has to stop? I'm so sorry. That was an unbelievably insensitive way for him to communicate the end of something he started. I know you like him, so I won't say what I really think of him right now, but it rhymes with ickhead.

Hm, wonder what that word is lol. I do like him...maybe not so much right now but I've made huge improvements in my life working with him and that doesn't change because of this. It all did feel very cold and insensitive to me but that's because I'm the one who is devastated so my perception is probably skewed.

I'm SO sorry for what you're going through. Your post made me go back and find my initial post when something similar happened to me in March. I will bump it up for you if you want to read it. I also included Emails from my T in there explaining her reasonings, so perhaps her words can help you understand if you aren't ready to talk to him about it yet. I know how much it hurts! I've been hurting for 7 months..... Know you're not alone! Message me anytime if you would like.

Thank you, musinglizzy. I can search for the post if you'd rather not bump it. I'm sorry that you went through something like this too. It feels awful in so many ways.

I bumped it. I don't mind. Maybe you can find some answers, or support there..... I know how much it hurts.

TRIGGER WARNING

I think T should read this how they make feel their clients after stopping hugs.
I almost committed suicide but it was because I was in love with him, I cut myself many times, he sent me to another pdoc and stopped to be my pdoc but stayed as T, he wanted to put me at hospital, I was praying but he rejected me even physically, I terminated him but I came back because I couldn't live without him, we still had so much discussions about hugs, he said Im a liar, I can't keep my promises, I don't respect him, I have trauma now, he hurted me so much. After a year I hugged him but he said I crossed the line again but I tried to prove to him that hugs help me, but he said I don't respect him, month ago I hugged him and next session he said he wont ever hug me again but he gave me a hug after that session like "goodbye to hugs" and it hurt too much so I got drunk alone and wanted to die, I tried to control myself but hugged him again. Yes, I know it's bad to do it against his will but I see that he enjoys it but his mind is against hugs.

If line is crossed there is no way back. I have told this many times to my T and I can say this to your T and other one's Ts too. The glass is already crushed, you cant get it back.

I'm sorry it's been so difficult and intense for you, lunatic soul. I do agree that ripping something away can change things permanently. I dread dealing with my situation because I know my therapist well enough to be 99% sure that he has made up his mind that he didn't do anything wrong and doesn't think this should be a huge traumatic deal, but it is, and I don't know if he realizes the seriousness of it. I'm afraid his ego will get in the way of hearing me out, or he'll be too defensive to consider that maybe he could have handled it better. I'm making myself insane thinking of these things when I haven't even had a session since it all blew up but I'm scared to see him and still might not go. I don't know. I miss my family member and I miss the hugs already and don't really want to wake up tomorrow.

I never got a hug despite begging for ONE.

If I had been getting them, and then was told "I'm sorry, the hugs will stop", I would spend one solid month of sessions, minimum, screaming at her to her face what a *****!ing manipulative b!tch she was.

I know the hugs came from a sincere place. there was genuine affection in his embraces and nothing manipulative about them in my case. I believe ruh roh really hit it on the head that his need of wanting to hug me lessened, but mine for wanting the affection did not get less, and it freaked him out and he yanked back. But he knew they weren't supposed to last so long in the first place. it's his mistake. I so wish he'd have warned me and talked about what the ending would mean rather than how it went.

i can't speak for everyone but, those who desperately want a hug, unless your therapist is absolutely sure how to handle it and their feelings about it, trust me it's better to not get it. I'd have been sad had he not, because i was the one who asked for it and wanted it, but I really think being told no would have hurt less than having it and losing it.