Do they mean it when they say this?

My psychologist has said on more than one occasion "let me know if you need anything before that/between sessions" I don't know if he means you are welcome to contact me if you are about to jump off a bridge or if he means I can contact him for things like appointment times and administrative stuff. I don't know that I would contact him in the first scenario anyway but I also don't feel like he would want me to like I would be bothering him but I don't know if that feeling is just me.

I would ask the therapist to get it clarified. For me, they have always been inappropriately happy if I contacted them - and it was not all that useful to call them. I have found it useful to write the first one because she usually respects my desire for her not to respond.

My T says she wouldn't say contact her if she didn't mean it. They know how to take care if themselves and wouldn't offer of they didn't want to.

I would agree that you should ask him. I was uncertain about calling my T or marriage counselor when I was in a really bad place on a Sunday night at like midnight a couple months ago. I have their cell numbers but was never sure when it was OK to use them. I asked about it after the fact, and both said it would have been fine to call (and my marriage counselor said even if it hadn't been an appropriate situation in which to call, he wouldn't have been mad at me). And I've since called my T once at midnight on a weeknight when I was having a rough time--she was asleep, but answered and talked to me for a bit, helped me through it.

So I'd clarify, but I would assume for you that he meant for more than just scheduling stuff. Because to me, scheduling stuff goes without saying, like obviously you could call if you had to cancel. But ask him to ease your mind. Like, when would it be OK to call? If you're in a crisis-type situation? If you're just feeling the need to talk?

Did he give you a contact email or phone number? My impression was that he was giving you permission to contact him if you felt you needed to talk with him between sessions...or maybe just let him know where your head is. I'm pretty sure he knows you'd call for appt. changes or administrative issues, so it sounds as though he's wanting you to know it's okay to contact him with therapy issues. Generally, contacting a T between sessions is for a pretty serious issue...unable to function, lots of pain about a problem you're having, etc. Though you noted you'd feel like you would be bothering him, remember that this is his work and he should expect some interruptions. This sort of thing is difficult for me, too, but I do sometimes email my T to let him know where my head is when I'm having a difficult time. When I do that, I don't feel so totally alone with my pain, even if I don't receive a reply.

Perhaps you can ask him for clarification? Maybe bring the subject up by saying, "If I'm having a really hard time with a therapy issue (or something I'm feeling that we need to talk about) we've talked about, what is your preference how I deal with it before our next session?" You're not acknowledging that you are confused about what he told you and you're asking for clarification about a specific behavior (call him, email him).

Do whatever you feel comfortable doing to get a more definitive answer from him. This is your therapy and you'll be more successful as a team if both of you know the rules.

Yes he has given me an email and phone number I am too nervous to ask that sort of question though.

I feel like e-mail is a less-urgent mode of communication than a phone call, assuming it's a cell. So you could start with e-mail and see how he responds to that. The only thing is, some T's (like mine) prefer not to write long responses to e-mails, since they don't want to do therapy that way. So if you e-mail him and get a brief response, don't assume it's that he didn't want you to contact him.

Though if it's something really urgent, like you don't think you can make it through the night or something like that, then just go ahead and call.

I still feel like i would be bothering him although i feel like i bother people for existing.

The three times I've ring this year he hasn't sounded happy.

Both of my Ts say this to me, and I always feel like it's just one of those things they say and not an invitation to actually contact them between sessions. However, I have contacted my one T between sessions before, and it was her cell phone so she answered and talked to me while she was driving. Haha. I've also have rang my other T between sessions, but he rarely returns my calls.

I dont know the reason i ask is because he usually says this if i have told him how i am constantly thinking about killing myself so i dont know if it is a response to that or just him trying to be nice i dont know.

I can't answer for 'them' or 'they' as you put it. No one can. So that just leaves, does your psychologist mean it. No one but him can answer that.

When I was concerned about whether it would have been OK to call my marriage counselor at midnight, I told him in the next session that I was worried that I'd be breaking the rules by contacting him because I wasn't sure what his rules were. And he was like, "Rules? What do you mean?" I tried to explain, saying I had his cell but he never specifically said when it was OK to call. So I didn't want to make a mistake by calling and having him be mad. And he was like, "So what if it was a mistake?" In other words, so what if I felt I needed to call and did--even if he maybe thought that it wasn't urgent enough for a call, it didn't matter. He wouldn't be mad. He asked what would happen if I kept calling him for non-urgent things, like if I called him 3 nights in a row. I said I guessed he would block my number or say to stop f---ing calling him. He said he wouldn't react that way at all and was very bothered that I felt that way. That he'd talk to me about when is a more appropriate circumstance to call, but still wouldn't be mad.

We ended up in a discussion about how I'm always worried about making "mistakes" with people, with breaking rules I didn't know they had and fearing they'd be mad at me. So I was kind of projecting this fear onto him.

I get the sense that you're like this, too--that you worry about bothering people. The takeaway from what MC told me was basically that it's OK to take that chance--of calling or whatever. The fact that your T gave you his contact info and said to call if you needed anything--especially if he said that in response to suicidal thoughts--suggests that he'd be totally fine with you calling. And would actually want you to, rather than thinking you wanted to call but were afraid to bother him.

Hope that made sense!

I also think that if your T gave you the contact info and offered, then it means use it if you need it. The hardest part is knowing when you need it and not questioning your level of need...

I spent two years with my T ultimately getting upset with me for not calling her between sessions when I was in crisis. She finally told me that she knew when I was hurting, and it had a negative impact on her life to be sitting there helpless knowing I needed her. Maybe my T was unique in this; I sure hope not. I finally started to call her, and she also started to contact me, so we found out what worked for us and defined our boundaries.

Maybe I'm naïve, and given some of the awful crap I read here about therapists, I must be, but don't underestimate the importance of your well-being to your therapist.

I do always question how bad I feel I know I always feel terrible but at the same time I don't know even the last time I tried to kill myself I don't think I thought it would be ok to call I still felt like that was not enough of an issue to bother with calling also it isn't so much making a mistake but I am terrible at talking on phones and I stutter and go really quiet and start shaking and ugh it is horrible I don't know why they make me so nervous but anyway I just think to have to call would need to be a VERY good reason and I don't think I ever feel like I am worth enough to have a good reason.

Whereas I agree the therapist would not give out information if they did not intend for it to be used, I completely would not react well to a therapist trying to guilt trip me about her reaction to me. It is not the problem of the client to take care of the therapist nor is it the client's problem to worry about the therapist's life. It is up to the therapist to manage their life and take care of themselves, not the client

Agreed. But for me, and possibly others here, it's about feeling cared about, and finding safety in that care. Ultimately, it was about the relationship, and the stability within the relationship. That meant experiencing it from the perspective of both of us. It wasn't me taking care of her, but her sharing with me the level and depth of her care and investment in me as a client and person.

I'm not saying this is universal, I'm just sharing my story.

I think if the t said that and gave contact info, then they mean it. I've had several therapists through the years and they don't all say this. The last long term t I had would never tell me to contact her between sessions. In fact, if I ever did she'd never call me back. She always said if I was in crisis to go to the ER and if it wasn't bad enough for the ER then it could wait til session. A previous t was completely opposite. She even gave me her home phone number. I never called it, but I did call her office number and leave messages when I needed to. She was fine with that. So, I'd just take him at his word.

DBT coaching call? T's are supposed to be supportive of those.

I agree that feeling cared about and feeling safe are important, at least for me. Feeling like they're (referring to T and marriage counselor) there if I need them means a lot to me. And I have called my T at midnight, and she answered and talked to me (even though she was asleep)--also texted with me on a holiday when I was having bad panic attacks coming back from vacation. Her doing those things has made me feel like she really cared and made me feel like I could count on her in another crisis.

The way I see it, if someone decides to be a T, they should realize their clients might need them outside of office hours. And accept that as part of their job. Like a medical doctor wearing a pager.

I guess i just feel like i would be doing something wrong by ever calling.

I felt like that, and of course I do with my new T as well. Like my needs aren't important enough to justify a little help in between sessions. Fear of violating a boundary some crusty old man a million miles away invented years ago. Fear that my problems are trivial compared to her other clients. Shame that I needed help when my whole life has been a journey taken alone. Especially shame. Shame that she would think I was weak for needing her, and for me, shame is isolating. I understand what you're saying about it feeling wrong. I truly do.

I don't know what all of your therapists are like. I only know mine. I couldn't have kept going in therapy, and probably in life, without my T during all the awful time between sessions.

Hi. If he has provided contact info and said you can get in touch between sessions, that seems pretty clear. My T has reiterated that depending on what happened in a particular session. Like if really hard stuff came up and there's a likelihood it will keep going during the week. Admin is usually best done on email, I find. But if you need to talk, the phone is best. If I need to, I send a brief email to that effect and we make a time to talk by phone.

Well it seems my needs aren't important after all.

Did something happen? Are you ok?