Wow that was a fantastic thing to hear!! and it wasn't until T said it that I knew straight away that it "fit" to what had been going on for me last week, and perhaps longer but last week was really strong.

I'm talking about the struggle i had last week during our weeks break where one minute I loved T, the next hated her and it was l like a see-saw, I couldnt hold 1 feeling.

Sunday night before Mondays session, I was so full of rage toward T that I didnt' want to go monday, didn't want to acknowledge the rage in the here and now.

I realised the rage was coming from inside of me and man was it hard to take ownership of it.

I must have numbed out monday morning and by session time I was ok to go. I told T I had been full of rage last week and so didn't want to come "today".

T seemed to know I would be feeling like that. I told her I've never felt so "mad", crazy. T said the split is healing and that has been a major part of our work together. I was confused and said what I've always been angry at you? She said no not always, but anger has been there and you weren't consioulsy aware of it, but now its coming to the forefront, your able to feel it, though it doesn't feel nice, its actually healthier way to be.

I said its like I've got short and long vision at the same time and I'm trying to find centre.

Now I've felt the rage inside me, I seem to know its always been there, but am also surprised by the powerfulness of it and amazed that I managed to split it off. Though looking back on my life I've paid a big prize for wanting to feel only good feelings.

It feels good now, I feel my own progress!

[Perna]

Your post reminded me of when one has a deep cut that takes awhile to heal and sometimes you can see "down" inside and watch it gradually "filling in" over the weeks it takes to heal and knit together completely?

I always think it is exciting when I can see both sides at once but still expressed my impatience to my T about not being able to "catch" things yet as they were happening instead of "after." The swing between two things would get shorter and shorter but not fast enough for me LOL :-)

[MissCharlotte]

Congratulations Mouse, you made it through and "therapized" yourself during the process!

I have also been working on anger but mine is still buried pretty deep and I don't really want to access it.

The rage that is deep inside is frightening to me so I leave it there. Hmmm, I wonder how it will show itself.

Good Work, Mouse!