Missing T1 again

I was listening to a song (which was actually about the breakup of a relationship) and some of the lines made me think about T1, the finality of it all and I feel all those feelings rushing back, missing him, wondering whether he still thinks of me, just loads of hurt about not seeing him any more.
I recently talked more to T2 about some of the missteps T1 made in therapy (some of them pretty damaging) and T2 seemed a little shocked though he didn't say anything. I was angry at T1 when I had that session buy now I'm just hurt. I'm also feeling closer to T2 than before, he's so helpful and he's modelling what a good therapeutic relationship should look like.
I just don't know why this hurts so much. Just as I feel like I'm moving forward I realise I still miss and care about T1 and it's not going away.

Grief hurts! You miss him and it will take time before the feelings are not as intense and don't come as often. Sounds like you are doing good work with T2 though!

I miss my T1 too. It's a very close relationship, I guess it's to be expected. I've also talked to T2 about t1's missteps and similarly she doesn't say a huge amount, which I respect her for, but just one or two words convey her feelings to me, also the fact that she talks to me in a completely different way conveys her views. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling closer now to your current T.

Thanks Brown Owl, I have always seen parallels between our respective T relationships so I'm happy to hear your new T is supportive also. Out of interest, did you identify your T1 to T2? Do they know each other? I think T1 knew of T2 (he's well known in the field/city) but T2 didn't know T1.
It took me months to tell T2 T1's name.
This grief just hits me occasionally but talking about it here on PC is really helpful. I've never found anyone who understands (except T) in real life.

I also miss ex-T. Random things trigger me. Like when I achieve something, my instinct is to tell her. Or I drove by a crew fixing the street and there was a huge bulldozer there. It reminded me of when I got stuck in traffic one day when I was going to session.

Anyways, lots of

Thanks Scarlet. It's been almost a year since I stopped seeing him and most of the time it's ok, but for some reason I keep remembering what his laugh was like. That's what gets to me.

flutes
No, I haven't ever identified T1 to T2. I've never wanted to. I don't know whether or not they know each other, it wouldn't surprise me if they do. They don't live very far away from each other. I've imagined running into them somewhere having coffee together, and feeling awful because of fearing that t2 would side with T1 against me. I'm not quite sure what that's about.

That was my fear too. My current T was worried he might supervise T1 but I deliberately chose a male T because I knew T1's supervisior was a woman. It was an incredibly freeing experience using his name instead of "my former therapist" But I was scared they knew each other. T2 looked T1 up on LinkedIn with my permission so I don't know if T1 worked out why he received a view from T2 or not but it's interesting especially as I plan to become a T and wonder I how will ever manage with the two of them as some of my most local T's.

I'm sorry. You'd think that after a year pain would have lessened.
I miss my ex T like crazy so I understand.

Thank you, it has lessened I think. It was excruciating and constant at first, now it is just now and again, and quite painful when it comes. I'm sorry you're struggling with this too.