[Soccer mom]

I have been seeing my new T. for about 2 months after the termination of ex-T due to maternal transference. New T. and I have gone over many things and we are at the point of discussing the transference I had with old T. I'm not ready for many reasons and one is that I'm starting to develop transference with new T. So, when I discuss ex-T, I'm having two reactions - the transference with new T. and the difficulty discussing the transference with old T. New T. is very open and has asked many times what my fears are and has assured me she will be gentle with me, go at my pace, etc.

New T. emails and has suggested I email anything I can't talk about in sessions. This is completely different than ex-T who didn't email and didn't want me to text anything emotional. Ex-T. wanted me to talk instead of reading things I wrote her. New T. feels I can probably express a lot more via writing than talking. Part of me thinks I could definitely email my feelings but I feel like it's something I should go over in my session with her. I had read awhile ago about catharsis and feel that it would be more healing to talk about it with her in the room vs emails.

Do you disclose a lot via email? Does your T. encourage it? I guess I'm trying to figure out how/if I want to use email with my therapy.

[nervous puppy]

My T allows emails. I do find it difficult to talk about some things and the hardest part, sometimes, is just bringing up the subject or issue. What I've found exceedingly useful about emails is that it allows me to express what I'm thinking or going through, RIGHT WHEN I'M GOING THROUGH IT. I don't have to wait for our session to bring it up. T will typically respond to my emails, but I can tell her if I need her to or not. We then talk about the email in session.
For me, emails have been an extremely useful tool that was unavailable to me with my previous T. It has been huge as far as being able to bring up things that I know I need to talk about, but was afraid to bring up.
T calls the emails my "accountability manager". She's right and it works for me. I am very careful to try to not abuse the privilege.

I believe everyone is different it how they communicate with their T. So, it's really your preference.

[ruh roh]

I have done both. For me, in person is far and above more effective. I've had breakthroughs with in person disclosures, but never with an email. Emailing did nothing in terms of being able to let things go. It was like drinking decaf.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I used to email ex-T all the time. I would write to her about mundane things to extremely sensitive topics. I averaged about 2 emails a week.

Current T also allows me to email. Her only stipulation is that I don't email on weekends and I don't expect lengthy replies. I email her a lot less than ex-T. I just don't feel the need like I used to. Maybe it's because I'm not that attached to her? But my T does encourage me to email her when something comes up during the week, so that next session she is better prepared.

[AllHeart]

I do this with my T. She always responds to my emails and leaves the option open to discuss in person at our next session. And yes, she always encourages it because it has been very helpful to me.

One bit of advice since you are developing transference to your new T -- ask her what her email response rule of thumb is. When I started the emails with T back in the day she would usually respond well within 24 hours. There were times when she took longer than the 24 hours and my irrational, child brain would kick in big time and make me crazy. I eventually figured out that she would always respond within 48 hours, so I learned to calm down a bit. If I had asked her about her response time in the beginning, I could have saved myself a lot of upset.

Why not give it a shot? It might work out great for you. If it doesn't work, at least you know.

[LonesomeTonight]

I've found that e-mailing my T can be very helpful. It lets me get out the thoughts/feelings I have at the time, rather than having to wait until the next session. She doesn't usually respond, but I know we can talk about it at next session if I want. I've also e-mailed my marriage counselor on occasion, including a rather long one a few months ago about the transference I was feeling. It included some stuff I didn't feel comfortable saying in session in front of my H (nothing about H, just transference stuff). And it really helped to get it out. MC doesn't usually respond unless I say something like, "Please at least let me know you received this," which I did for this one. He wrote back, saying I was very insightful in some of what I said and that it was fine to discuss that sort of thing in session with my H. And that he was glad I was facing it "head on."

I think sometimes it can help just to get the feelings out, whether it's over e-mail or in session. And if you e-mail, you can always discuss it in session later. But as AllHeart said, check on what her e-mail policy is. Does she generally respond? Briefly or at length? That way, you'll be prepared if you pour your heart out to her and she sends a two-sentence response.

[dj315]

My T has termed my emails "brain dumps". They don't happen often, but I occasionally do have to email my feelings. I suck at verbal communication. Half of me talking in session is saying, "I don't know if this makes sense, but...". He says emailing is ok, but I don't think he exactly encourages it. He wants me to confront him and speak my mind. And I do agree that whatever you discuss in email should also be discussed in person. It's just a great way for me to get it out there and get it out there more fluently than I could ever speak it in session. So I think emailing is a great conversation starter. It's a lot easier to be brave enough to hit a send button than spit in out in a conversation sometimes.

[ChavInAHat]

I find it really difficult to speak about some things. My current T and previous T's have been happy to read what I write as I explained that unlike the pressure of a time limited session, I can spend a while writing and then go back to it later and I can take my time.
Much more productive than me sitting there trying to block out the memories of the events I'm trying to describe

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Soccer mom]

[QUOTE=ruh roh;4775563] I've had breakthroughs with in person disclosures, but never with an email. QUOTE]

This reminded me with ex-T. I figured out a lot more disclosing in person. I think you're right that I would miss talking about the issue more in her presence. I think emails are good for feelings or situations that are hard to deal with in the moment but I feel everything else should wait for in session.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

One bit of advice since you are developing transference to your new T -- ask her what her email response rule of thumb is. When I started the emails with T back in the day she would usually respond well within 24 hours. There were times when she took longer than the 24 hours and my irrational, child brain would kick in big time and make me crazy. I eventually figured out that she would always respond within 48 hours, so I learned to calm down a bit. If I had asked her about her response time in the beginning, I could have saved myself a lot of upset.

Why not give it a shot? It might work out great for you. If it doesn't work, at least you know.

I know that she responds within 24 hours and usually the same day. I completely understand the irrational, child brain!

[Soccer mom]

Thanks to everyone for their responses. After some thought, I think I'll save the emails for the "freaking out right now" moments which will hopefully be few and far between. I'll try to make my disclosures in person. It's definitely the harder road to take but I think it will be best.

[ruh roh]

I think that sounds like great plan. I've found that emails are good for venting, but the actual progress happens when I voice/disclose things in session.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

My T encourages e-mails for me to let her know how I am doing and to stay connected between sessions but she does not do therapy through email. I do think its for the best so I keep my e-mails light. I think its best to talk about things in person in sessions.

[wheeler]

My previous T (can't quite say exT) welcomed and even encouraged texts. I did find it helpful, especialetly with thoughts that would stick in my head. I found texting help relieve a lot of anxiety for me. So I guess it was cathartic.

Not sure if new T allows it, have been a little afraid to ask her

[nottrustin]

I have emailed t a couple of times mentioning that I need to discuss something specific but have been having a hard time bringing up the subject in appointments so could she ask about it at our next appointment. In the email I only tell her what the issue. She had always responded that she is glad I mentioned it and she would bring it up. At our appointment she will ask what was going on in regards to the email. Then we discuss it from there.

[Petra5ed]

I wouldn't say my therapist encourages me writing emails, but I have done this and he hasn't said to stop. I can disclose a lot more in email. It's a lot harder to say things face to face. I also think it's a lot more effective saying things face to face, so take that for what you will.

I'm all for email! Just sent a deep revelatory email this week, and said much more much more directly than I would in person. I think it's good when I'm stuck to at least give the therapist a heads up what is not being said that probably should be.