[rainbow8]

My T knows I sometimes Google her and says she doesn't mind. Last night I found something new that triggers me. I don't want to be specific, but it was something she wrote about her life. It made me feel compassionate towards her and also in awe of how she could manage to successfully work during a certain period in her life. I admire her even more now.

My question isn't whether I should tell her or not. I have to because maybe she doesn't want the information posted, though I don't think she has a choice. Also because some of the feelings are relevant to me. Of course it stirs up my transference feelings as well as my own nurturing feelings. I'm glad she's in a much better place now. My T has always been fairly open about her life but not this piece of it. She didn't want it to interfere with her work.

My question is how can I put this information in its proper place? I don't think I crossed boundaries and T has said in the past that there's nothing on Google that's private. I have to make her aware that it's out there, and I also have to tell her how it makes me feel, how her words resonate with my own grief! I wish I could give her a big hug, for HER!

Please, I don't need to hear how it's my therapy, not my T's. I know that very well. I've come a long way with my T; I've grown a lot. I've come so far from thinking my T is perfect. She's no different from me or any human being. We all struggle and have challenges in our lives. Our goal is to confront those challenges and move on. Maybe that's the lesson I can take with me right now.

Thanks to Google, I have also found out quite a bit of personal information about my T. I would never tell him, but it does affect how I feel about him.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My question is how can I put this information in its proper place? I don't think I crossed boundaries and T has said in the past that there's nothing on Google that's private. I have to make her aware that it's out there, and I also have to tell her how it makes me feel, how her words resonate with my own grief! I wish I could give her a big hug, for HER!

I think it would be lovely to share your feelings with your T about what you discovered about her. Showing compassion and care to another human should never be frowned upon.

Not sure what you mean by putting this info in its proper place. You did not cross any boundaries. Your T obviously knows that anything you put on-line is easily subject to the entire world for viewing. I would tend to think that because she wrote this, she know's it's out there? Just tell her you stumbled upon this info and then share how her words touched and affected you. And I hope you get to give her that big hug, for her. I find good healing in being able to give care to my T so I hope you can find good healing in it too.

[stopdog]

I don't think one needs to act on every feeling one has. I think it possible, and sometimes advisable, to have the feeling and do nothing.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

I think it would be lovely to share your feelings with your T about what you discovered about her. Showing compassion and care to another human should never be frowned upon.

Not sure what you mean by putting this info in its proper place. You did not cross any boundaries. Your T obviously knows that anything you put on-line is easily subject to the entire world for viewing. I would tend to think that because she wrote this, she know's it's out there? Just tell her you stumbled upon this info and then share how her words touched and affected you. And I hope you get to give her that big hug, for her. I find good healing in being able to give care to my T so I hope you can find good healing in it too.

I just want to explain. My T wrote this for something else, and they, for publicity, put on Google. They should have asked her first, and I hope they did. It crosses my mind now that she might feel no qualms about what is posted. It might be my issue totally. I already emailed her briefly because she sent me a very nice poem ( not written by her, but nice nevertheless.

[divine1966]

I don't know why you would tell her what you found. It's just there I guess.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think one needs to act on every feeling one has. I think it possible, and sometimes advisable, to have the feeling and do nothing.

You're right. I do often act on my feelings too quickly. Thank you.

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don't know why you would tell her what you found. It's just there I guess.

Divine:
My T and I have a very honest relationship. I don't hide things from her, especially when it's something about her. Probably that's due to my attachment issues. My T practices Internal Family Systems, in which all parts are welcome. I have a part who is curious about my T, and she usually answers my questions when I ask. I have questions about what I found, so why not tell her? She always says everything is "grist for the mill" and will relate it back to me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rainbow8]

Oops, my reply got put in the same paragraph as your lost. Sorry.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think one needs to act on every feeling one has. I think it possible, and sometimes advisable, to have the feeling and do nothing.

I love you stop dog. Or anti love you or whatever you prefer.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I just want to explain. My T wrote this for something else, and they, for publicity, put on Google. They should have asked her first, and I hope they did. It crosses my mind now that she might feel no qualms about what is posted. It might be my issue totally. I already emailed her briefly because she sent me a very nice poem ( not written by her, but nice nevertheless.

In this case, i would email her the link, just saying, fyi, i was surprised by this, stg like that.

[rainbow8]

My T's pain stirs up my pain because our situations are somewhat similar except she handled it a little differently.
I have to remember I'm me, not my T. She wouldn't have been effective if I had felt sorry for her. Or maybe knowing more details would have helped me. Idk. She apparently wants to share her story with the public. I'm going to ask her why. She'll probably say so that others will know they aren't alone.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I love you stop dog. Or anti love you or whatever you prefer.

I read as you don't dislike me -so all is good.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My T's pain stirs up my pain because our situations are somewhat similar except she handled it a little differently.
I have to remember I'm me, not my T. She wouldn't have been effective if I had felt sorry for her. Or maybe knowing more details would have helped me. Idk. She apparently wants to share her story with the public. I'm going to ask her why. She'll probably say so that others will know they aren't alone.

Does the idea of someone else going through something make you feel not alone?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Does the idea of someone else going through something make you feel not alone?

Yes! When it's my T, it's a little different because of the one-sidedness of the relationship. It's more meaningful if my T and I are both going through the same thing, and feeling the same feelings. It's a bonus! It's okay that you probably don't understand. It's because T IS a real person to me, not simply someone I talk to every week.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Oops, my reply got put in the same paragraph as your lost. Sorry.

No problem, I think I just don't understand. I do ask t questions and we talk about things. I know a lot about her family etc But I just felt one thing is to ask her questions right there in front
Of her and the other one is to look up something about my t in her absence and then ask. Don't know. That's ok. Just my opinion. I probably wouldn't bring it up. I do understand caring about t etc just the part about looking her up confuses me. I don't look anyone up ( unless for safety reasons). I am not saying it's wrong, just that I don't get the purpose


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by twistedangel00

Thanks to Google, I have also found out quite a bit of personal information about my T. I would never tell him, but it does affect how I feel about him.

Thanks, angel. I'm wondering if knowing the information affects you positively or negatively?

Originally Posted by AllHeart

I think it would be lovely to share your feelings with your T about what you discovered about her. Showing compassion and care to another human should never be frowned upon.

Not sure what you mean by putting this info in its proper place. You did not cross any boundaries. Your T obviously knows that anything you put on-line is easily subject to the entire world for viewing. I would tend to think that because she wrote this, she know's it's out there? Just tell her you stumbled upon this info and then share how her words touched and affected you. And I hope you get to give her that big hug, for her. I find good healing in being able to give care to my T so I hope you can find good healing in it too.

Thank you, AllHeart. I hope I feel that way when I see my T, that it's healing for me. I have some confused feelings about what I read.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think one needs to act on every feeling one has. I think it possible, and sometimes advisable, to have the feeling and do nothing.

Seeing others agreeing with you makes me realize my problem. What T wrote is affecting me so that I can't "do nothing." It's making my stomach hurt. I know that if I didn't tell her and I went to my session she would sense that I'm holding back. T knows me that well. I need to discuss my reactions with her. It's part of my attachment issue.

Originally Posted by divine1966

No problem, I think I just don't understand. I do ask t questions and we talk about things. I know a lot about her family etc But I just felt one thing is to ask her questions right there in front
Of her and the other one is to look up something about my t in her absence and then ask. Don't know. That's ok. Just my opinion. I probably wouldn't bring it up. I do understand caring about t etc just the part about looking her up confuses me. I don't look anyone up ( unless for safety reasons). I am not saying it's wrong, just that I don't get the purpose.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think my googling comes from curiosity and a way to stay close to my T. I used to look her up on Facebook but I won't do that anymore. I like to find information about people; I do genealogy. I wasn't trying to find out anything in particular. She gave me permission to Google her but maybe she'll suggest I not do it if what I find triggers me so much. I guess it's a kind of addiction or urge that hits me at times. Usually there's nothing new about her and it's comforting to read her website. I'm sure my T will also ask why I felt the need to Google her at this particular time but I don't know the answer. I wish I did.

[divine1966]

If googling her appears to be triggering and upsetting and it's a bit of obsession in some way, then do tell her and maybe she will advise something. It might be s good idea to tell

Totally unrelated topic but you mentioned genealogy, my daughter does genealogy and she found some lost relatives around the world that didn't know we even exist!. She is digging in archives as a hobby and profession , amazing what she finds. She was even mentioned in one book in acknowledgement section because she dug up something for some writer. It amazes me because I couldn't even sit still 5 minutes let alone look for anything lol I do look up stuff of course but specific facts I need for something

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SallyBrown]

Hey Rainbow,

So, I'm actually in the "talk to your T about it" camp. You don't HAVE to talk to her about it, but she's your T, so I don't see why not if that's what you want to do. In the past, it seems like you have struggled with keeping your actions within the boundaries of therapy, but I think waiting to talk to T, then talking it over with her, is pretty reasonable, particularly since you are completely operating within her boundaries. Maybe it's just that I can relate to the feeling of really needing to go over something that's on my mind with T.

We spend a lot of time in my therapy talking about how this or that about T affects me. It's a bigger discussion than just "how does this one thing affect my life" -- which, of course, a lot of times it doesn't in any practical sense.

I think I know what you mean by "putting it in its proper place". I feel the same way about stuff I learn about my T. Part of the reason it can really throw me to learn something about him, I think, is that I have no context for it. The picture I have of him is sort of haphazardly built on stuff I have learned almost at random over time. Sometimes I wind up with a puzzle piece that doesn't connect to any of the others I have. When I can't fit the pieces together it bothers me. That's just how I am.

I think the only way you're going to be able to put this in its place, and put it away, is to talk to her. I don't think anyone here can help much without knowing significantly more about the situation. Hopefully together you can come up with a way for you to feel settled about all of it.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Seeing others agreeing with you makes me realize my problem. What T wrote is affecting me so that I can't "do nothing." It's making my stomach hurt. I know that if I didn't tell her and I went to my session she would sense that I'm holding back. T knows me that well. I need to discuss my reactions with her. It's part of my attachment issue.
.

Then good luck with the conversation.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by SallyBrown

Hey Rainbow,

So, I'm actually in the "talk to your T about it" camp. You don't HAVE to talk to her about it, but she's your T, so I don't see why not if that's what you want to do. In the past, it seems like you have struggled with keeping your actions within the boundaries of therapy, but I think waiting to talk to T, then talking it over with her, is pretty reasonable, particularly since you are completely operating within her boundaries. Maybe it's just that I can relate to the feeling of really needing to go over something that's on my mind with T.

We spend a lot of time in my therapy talking about how this or that about T affects me. It's a bigger discussion than just "how does this one thing affect my life" -- which, of course, a lot of times it doesn't in any practical sense.

I think I know what you mean by "putting it in its proper place". I feel the same way about stuff I learn about my T. Part of the reason it can really throw me to learn something about him, I think, is that I have no context for it. The picture I have of him is sort of haphazardly built on stuff I have learned almost at random over time. Sometimes I wind up with a puzzle piece that doesn't connect to any of the others I have. When I can't fit the pieces together it bothers me. That's just how I am.

I think the only way you're going to be able to put this in its place, and put it away, is to talk to her. I don't think anyone here can help much without knowing significantly more about the situation. Hopefully together you can come up with a way for you to feel settled about all of it.

Oh, Sally. We're kindred spirits regarding information about our Ts! I was hoping someone would understand me and you do! My T and I also spend time on how things about her affect me. I feel exactly the same way about finding a puzzle piece that doesn't fit! That's how I feel now, and it makes me unsettled. I actually did already email her about what I found, but she hasn't responded. That could be because she emailed in response to my email about my session, not we have a rule anymore, but she has more to do than answer my emails! I was crying about other stuff including the fact that I read what I did without her permission. Like when I recently went to her art show, she didn't mind but I still thought I should have asked first. I keep thinking about when I drove by her house, she got upset because I did it sneakily without asking permission. I sort of feel the same way now. I wish she'd write and tell me if it's okay or not. I wish Tuesday were here, but T wants me to live in the present!

Again, thank you very much for posting, Sally.

[rainbow8]

I finally got a response from my T about what I read about her. She's not angry, and said she knows clients may read what she wrote. The main thing is to talk about how it affects me, she added.

So, I've been thinking. At first I was shocked and felt disbelief, that I had the wrong person! Then I felt pain, and finally felt extreme compassion for her. Also admiration for her capability to be an excellent T while she was going through a very difficult time in her life.

Before i heard from my T, a close friend helped me process some of my feelings about my own situation, and I colored a picture while I was talking with her. That helped tremendously.

I don't know if many of you understand, but it was traumatic to read about my T's deep, dark feelings. I've known her almost 6 years and never would have expected this. Of course it triggers my issues with therapy being one-sided too. I saw a part of T I didn't expect to see. It proves her point when she used to say I'm just a regular person." I imagine I'll be processing my feelings for awhile, and will try to stay focused on my life, not T's.

[ChipperMonkey]

All this googling of your therapist...... It seems like you're creating diversions to healing rather than focusing on direct issues at hand. It just seems very odd to me that you'd spend precious time and money putting all of this focus on your therapist. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. You could spend a lifetime googling everyone you know and dealing with what you find in therapy.

[rainbow8]

Thank you for your opinion. I don't Google my T very often, but this time it's something important and will be about me. My T believes the T relationship is very important for my healing, therefore anything impacting that is relevant to discuss. I realize you have a different way of looking at it and that's okay!