breaking T's leave :/

As some of you may remember my therapist went on leave until February-March. I was having a hard time with dark thoughts and to make a long story short, I had a breakdown after many thing all together (abuser/work/end of relationship/helplessness). I ended up to er and they called a psychiatrist who called.. my T. She seemed really upset. Once back home she insisted on seeing me. I said,"thanks but I was intrusive of your leave and didn't mean it at all. I can make it". No way. I thought she wanted to leave me as a suicidal client is not exactly good for maternity leave.
I found her really sorry that she hadn't gotten how bad I'd been feeling lately and why I didn't tell her, and wanted to know why I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to tell her cause in the last month she kept being late and was always tired. I didn't want to see her now because I was upset and ashamed myself and didn't want more rejection. T then said we've been "together" for a while so she was obviously worried. And that she was there because "if Ambra needs me, I'm there for her and we will go through this too, together". She said she is still on leave but always *there* and ready to come and help and would have never put me on hold until March.
So, no giving up on me. And no contracts about not doing it anymore "or I'll leave you" etc which would have made m efreak out. Just silent trust in me that I will look for better options and a plain "next time call me!".
She then checked in while I was having a horrible moment and said "see you tomorrow?". So for the first time since I met T, I saw her twice in four days, right away, plus during her leave.
I'm just amazed. I never thought she would do this for me while away from her practice. It's still work. It's still her leave. I feel guilty because I really didn't want to achieve this. I couldn't wait to see her again but I was just hoping March would come quickly. Then one day I felt too bad and didn't think of anything. I don't know, it's weird.. I'm feel both thankful and guilty. Just thoughts. And I was wondering what you think and if someone has been there too.
If you made it to here.

Thanks for sharing, sounds like your T is very caring and concerned, and also trusts in you,. Hopefully her deep caring, confidence and trust helps you to believe in yourself, build hope and optimism for healing. You also care about her very much and try so hard to not bother her. Surely your T feels your caring for her, too. I am so sorry you have been through so many tough things.

I agree that it sounds like your T really cares about you. I understand you feeling weird about her seeing you during her maternity leave though--I'd probably feel the same way. But remember that it's her choice--she could always just say she supports you but it is on leave, then refer you to someone else. Instead, she's choosing to help you.

Well you cant help it that your life didnt put itself on hold just because she went on leave. In retrospect, maybe she should have arranged for a backup. Or a nanny! Anyway, how long of a leave is this now?? Like six months? I would need a sub.

Thanks for the insights.
I often push her away and look for proofs I'm just a paycheck etc. T is genuine in her mistakes and then also in apologizing and caring. I looked for other T's in the past because I wanted to detach from her and be sure that I would leave her before she would reject me. I loke to prevent being hurt. I hate myself for this. I've wondered too in the past why she wouldn't give me the referral I asked for and T just said "I'm not planning a subsitute T for you, I'm your therapist and you can ask me unless you want to change T besides the leave thing". I didn't get at all that my T helself would show up if I needed one. I feel just so safe and weird with this continuous communication with T and I feel her now closer than ever. Which is paradoxal given how it should have been. It will end, sure, I don't doubt this. But, I'm just "mah!?".

Oh, it had to be september - march but it's no longer a leave.. now I'll see T through it about every 10-15 days instead of once a week like usual. Maybe that's why I still feel a little bit guilty.. she is not taking a real break from work seeing me anyway. and I don't want her to burn out or not be happy about this special moment. I don't know how to tell her, I love this of her and I know she offered it but I'm also very worried.