Three Sessions Left

Three. Sessions. Left. How am I supposed to feel about that? My good days make me think my unhappiness is self-indulgence, and my bad ones make me think my happiness is self-deception. I’ve no idea if I’m any better than I was when I was buffeted in eight months ago.

He’ll still be around, he says. He’ll be there for periodic check-ins. His door is open. Alternatively, he can recommend resources in the community if continuing therapy is something I’m interested in.

Am I missing some nuance, or is there really a contradiction there?

I’ve read this story a thousand times on the forum, but it’s so much different when it’s happening to you.

I’m so sorry for asking for your attention, it’s just hard right now.

Sorry to hear it has to end if you are not ready for it.

I love your posts. You're so quick to the draw. Thanks.

That sounds like a very hard thing- why is it that you need to end now? I'm sorry it's so difficult.

I wish I didn't feel like I'd wasted his time. It's funny, because I don't feel I've wasted MY time, and I know it's supposed to be about me, not him, but I'm somehow sorry for his sake that I didn't make more progress.

God, how ****ed-up is that?

Thank you for your reply. I go to a community health clinic, and they aren't really there for long-term therapy, just brief intervention and then referral if necessary. Limited resources and all that. He's already given me way more sessions than is usual.

It'll be okay. It has to be. Thanks again for your reply.

Why are you terminating with him? And what are the contradictions?

I'm sorry for the loss.

Thank you, Scarlet. I guess it just seems somehow contradictory to say "I'm here for you" and also say "Only three sessions left."

Maybe it isn't at all contradictory. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

No, I don't think it is you - those two statements are kind of opposed to each other.

Idk. To me it sounds like he wants to continue to provide help to you, but he is limited in what he can do within the clinics rules. Like if he wasn't part of the clinic, he'd remain your T. That's my interpretation anyways.

Try not to have regrets. You might not have been able to open up about all your issues, but maybe that's because it wasn't time to.

I try not to regret anything in my life... even the "bad" things. Kind of like the butterfly effect: you change one thing which rupples into more change. So you might change a bad thing, but you wind up changing good things too.

So maybe this T just isn't the right T? I try to tell myself that in regards to ex-T.

Still, it's difficult losing someone you have a connection with.

I hope you do find a good therapist that you can continue with. And yes, it sounds like he wished he could help more but can't because of the limits.

I think you're right. At least, it doesn't seem like a personal rejection...It's more like he has a closure I don't have. Like his attitude is, "Well, I've done my job and now it's time to go. Try real hard to make it work, and if things are still bad in six months, we'll talk again then." Which is perfectly reasonable from an outside perspective. It's just that I have to live this in the every day. Every hour. Every minute. Every second I'm stuck here. Of course it seems simpler from his perspective.

Anyway, I like the philosophy of no regrets, and I think I get what you mean about the butterfly effect. It is what it is, the good tied inexorably to the bad, because that's life, I guess. That's causality.

I'm not sure yet. Thank you for helping me think it out.

Thank you, Jacquez. I'm so torn about seeing someone else. On the one hand, of course I'd want to. I want every good thing about Therapy to continue. On the other hand, the idea of starting over with another practitioner just...I don't know, depresses me. It's not that I think my current T is irreplaceable. He's human, just like everybody else. It's just that it took me so long to like/trust him, do I really want to go through all of that again?

Just thinking out loud. Thank you so much for helping me do that.

Yes it's hard to start over again. I hate it.

So sorry. Hang in there.

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Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses. I appreciate it more than I can say. Happy holidays, everyone.