Struggling after difficult session

I'm going through a tough time at the moment. Talked to T last week about a lack of self-worth when I was younger, and this week we talked some more and I started to talk about how much better it has been since I met my husband and I feel valued by him.
T said he feels it's important not to go too far down the road of the positives and kept asking what of the feeling of low self-worth and self-sabbotage still exist today. He kept bringing it round to the negative and even when I talked about my self-defeating behaviours he reframed them in a more negative way than I had.
Then at the end of an exhausting session he told me that he couldn't do my usual time next week because of a funeral. He kept touching on his feelings about the person who had died and his feelings about hearing they'd died and because I already felt upset about the session and the fact in a whole year he had never told me anything about his feelings or life outside the session before, it took me by surprise and I didn't know how to respond. I just held it inside.
He said he could see me two days later which I agreed to at the time but just emailed and cancelled as it seems pointless having two sessions close together then a big break for Christmas.
I know this is selfish, but I am upset he kept pushing at this painful stuff then said he can't see me at my usual time. I think it plays into abandonment issues even though logically I know he gave me options it still hurts and I feel confused and less like I have him on my side.
It exactly one year since I left T1 and I'm starting to wonder what it is about this time of year that makes me push therapists away.

Sorry to hear it is rough and that the therapist cancelled. It sounds to me like the therapist let their personal life get in the way. And the therapist cancelling the second appointment sounds nuts to me - and more about him than any reason for you.

I would be upset too if my T couldn't see me the week before a break, I think I would kind of expect them to somehow fit me in, even if it ate into their free time. I would also be upset if I thought my T had reframed things more negatively, it sounds hard if you have to sit on that for a while. Maybe you would be better off taking the extra session after all? I think that an extra session soon after the last can be helpful to process difficult stuff that came up.

Thanks SD, yeah it was weird because in a year he's never told me anything about his personal life so it was out of the blue.
Sorry I wasn't clear, it was me who cancelled the second appt because it would be really close to the final appointment before the Christmas break.

Thanks Brown Owl, sorry I wasn't very clear. He offered me an appt a week on Friday but I cancelled it because it's close to the final session before the break (already scheduled shortly after that)
I do think he's tried to fit me in, but I wish he had not made the session so hard if he knew he wouldn't be able to see me at my usual time the next week.

Ah sorry I misunderstood.

Yes, that sounds really hard. Do you think you maybe keeping that appointment might be helpful though? I have often found it useful to have two sessions close together - and particularly with the break coming up it might work out to be easier even if it doesn't feel that way now. And I would definitely tell him how you feel about him pushing the negative stuff and then being unavailable at his regular time. It sounds like it would have been better if he has told you that at the beginning so you could have space to talk about that and not feel like it was just sprung on you at the end.

Sorry your T pushed you like that. I understand you cancelling your appointment. Been there, done that. It sucks when you have a hard session and then T decides to tell you they can't see you the next week. I hope you have the courage to talk to your T about this!

Thanks Pennster, you might be right about the appointment, I'll see what he says in response. Actually it would be quite nice for him to suggest that, though I don't want to set myself up for disappointment if he doesn't.
Thanks for what you said about pushing the negative and then being unavailable. It would have been better if he had said it at the start. I might not have gone into such deep stuff. It was hard because I'm feeling very vulnerable to rejection right now. I will talk to him about it. Thanks for understanding.

Thanks for the understanding responses, it makes all the difference that I'm not alone in these feelings.

That sounds difficult , maybe your T has let his own feelings in a little bit. Emotions tend to run high for people around Christmas.Wish you well.

Yeah, death and Christmas have particular resonance for me, so hearing it's the same for T was quite hard for me.

Just to update, he emailed back and said he would leave the appointment open if I changed my mind. I told him I felt like the session went down a road I wouldn't have gone down if I had known about the change in appointment time and I would have liked time to process it. He apologised which has helped me. I feel heard by him.

I really think they do it on purpose. That is I think my therapist will come emotionally very close and then back away. We connect and then fall apart, etc. The problem is... it's so hard for a person like you or me to connect. We are terrified of it, so it takes a therapist to do that. I really think their game is to get us to connect then break off and reconnect until we finally feel safe enough in the broken off times that we will reconnect that it doesn't feel so bad. And also so we practice connecting over and over so that we can do it in the real world.