I've just re-read a thread I started in August asking what you and your T said to each other before a break, and most people responded with - not a lot (to summarise it briefly). I always feel intense emotion the session before a break. My ex-T used to get this and I was somehow comforted by the session, she'd look at me tenderly with her therapists gaze, one time she told me she'd miss me, and I always felt ok after the session. With my new T, at each break I feel really terrible after the last session. And during the break. I'm feeling like I'm the odd one out on this board after re-reading my old thread, and seeing that others seem quite nonchalant about the last session before a break. For me it brings up a lot of emotion and it is crushing. I tried to talk to my new T about it, but somehow failed. So here I am again, starting a break from her again feeling shite. I know I was a baby who was left alone to cry a lot, I think I was only picked up to be fed.i guess it relates to that, the feelings aren't nice. I don't think this aspect of therapy is helping me. I'm re-experiencing my early emotions, and I don't think it's purposeful.

I hear and understand what you are saying. My last therapist never took breaks when I was in therapy. I was the one that used to go away summers and holidays, but I knew she was only a phone call or email away. With other therapist it was the cordial holiday greetings or have a good vacation, but I would always feel sad, and empty. I had the "things and family activities " they were having, but I couldn't enjoy the moment or the feelings once it was over. I had no since of object constancy, and always felt alone, even if ten people were in the room. Unknown to me at the time I also had abandonment issues.

I'm sorry you are having to be alone with these feelings.

[Mully]

You are not alone! I feel the same way. I had my last appt yesterday and now have a four week break, and I've been obsessing and struggling since yesterday with it. My T did a bunch of things to help me- we tried to have as easy a session as possible, she gave plenty of warning about the break, she wrote me a note to keep with me, I borrowed a personal book of hers to read over the break, and I even borrowed something from her office to hold onto- and yet, I'm still dealing with severe anxiety about the whole situation and feeling bad about my obvious attachment issues. It's tough, and I understand. I like the safety of knowing she is nearby, and that I can contact her if needed. I hope that things get easier for you- hang in there!

[PinkFlamingo99]

I'm struggling too. 3 weeks seems like such a huge amount of time to keep myself safe and okay. I made her tell me about 10 times today that she won't abandon me while I'm still struggling.

In the beginning the breaks were almost unbearable.
I think they still have an effect. But it's manageable.
I think. I'm reluctant to talk about breaks with T because.......I'm not sure I know how.
T did ask me if I experience her absence as 'bad'. Ams I do for the first few days. Then I begin to feel hope. The hope that I will see her Again soon.
I think I wish I had the courage to ask T if she'd miss me. But I'm afraid of her reply.
None of this is easy. But it is part of the work.

[precaryous]

Oh, Brown Owl, you are not alone. I can relate!
Already planning on my strategy for my last appt. on Saturday before break. I want to keep it light so I won't be processing heavy issues while she's gone for two weeks.

I struggle with her absences, too.
Brown Owl, has your current T's break already started?

[wheeler]

With my last T breaks, and even just the end of a session were very hard for me. Most of my texts seem to happen either the same day, or the next day. I even had times in which I hadn't even left the parking lot and I was texting her!

With my current T, whom I've only seen for about 2 1/2 months it's definitely not as painful for me, but I suspect that may change..

Originally Posted by Mully

You are not alone! I feel the same way. I had my last appt yesterday and now have a four week break, and I've been obsessing and struggling since yesterday with it. My T did a bunch of things to help me- we tried to have as easy a session as possible, she gave plenty of warning about the break, she wrote me a note to keep with me, I borrowed a personal book of hers to read over the break, and I even borrowed something from her office to hold onto- and yet, I'm still dealing with severe anxiety about the whole situation and feeling bad about my obvious attachment issues. It's tough, and I understand. I like the safety of knowing she is nearby, and that I can contact her if needed. I hope that things get easier for you- hang in there!

Your T sounds fab with all the ways she tries to help you with breaks - were they all her suggestions?

Originally Posted by _Mouse

In the beginning the breaks were almost unbearable.
I think they still have an effect. But it's manageable.
I think. I'm reluctant to talk about breaks with T because.......I'm not sure I know how.
T did ask me if I experience her absence as 'bad'. Ams I do for the first few days. Then I begin to feel hope. The hope that I will see her Again soon.
I think I wish I had the courage to ask T if she'd miss me. But I'm afraid of her reply.
None of this is easy. But it is part of the work.

Thanks for this, your story kind of reassures me.

Originally Posted by precaryous

Oh, Brown Owl, you are not alone. I can relate!
Already planning on my strategy for my last appt. on Saturday before break. I want to keep it light so I won't be processing heavy issues while she's gone for two weeks.

I struggle with her absences, too.
Brown Owl, has your current T's break already started?

Yes. It has.

Originally Posted by wheeler

With my last T breaks, and even just the end of a session were very hard for me. Most of my texts seem to happen either the same day, or the next day. I even had times in which I hadn't even left the parking lot and I was texting her!

With my current T, whom I've only seen for about 2 1/2 months it's definitely not as painful for me, but I suspect that may change..

I have also found the end of the sessions hard at times.

[Mully]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

Your T sounds fab with all the ways she tries to help you with breaks - were they all her suggestions?

She is pretty wonderful. She suggested an item from her office during her break in the summer, which is all I did last time. I just felt like I needed something more this time to help, so the note and book were my suggestions. I wanted something concrete with "her" on it, thus the note. She used to lend me books a really long time ago, so I knew she was a reader, so I thought if she was willing it would also help me feel close to her. Having her copy of a favourite book is a bonus!

I was really scared to ask because I'm very sensitive to rejection. I'm surprised I was brave enough to! I hope next break you have with your T you feel safe enough to ask and maybe find new ways to help.

I've seriously read the note probably 10 times in the last 24 hours... It's going to be a long month.