I saw a new t today, it was a very different experience to old t. New t hugs and uses touch a lot which I really need and like.
I had difficulty talking about my sexuality (being a lesbian) with old t, it was difficult because I always felt judged and like she didn't understand it or me.
New t disclosed that she experimented with women , she was very open about her sexuality and about her own experiences. Part of my issues are that I always develop transference for older women and ts and now here is my erotic transference going off the ricter scale with her. I am sure she would be open to discussion about my transference as she is so open and honest that it scares me.

I guess I wasn't expecting this from her as I know she is married and has children and she is older than last t. I don't even know what I want or need from posting this but I just needed to express it.

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Transference after only one session? Are you sure this is a good idea?

[atisketatasket]

At first I misread your post and thought "experimented with women" meant "experimented with female clients." But even after figuring that out, this seems like too much, too fast, like lolagrace says.

[Myrto]

I disagree that it would necessarily be a bad idea to go with this therapist: as you said, she uses touch, seems very open and honest, could relate to your sexual orientation more than your other therapist, is more understanding.
If you have a good feeling why not go with it? And if you say you develop transference with older women anyway, then is it that surprising you're going to develop transfrence with this one?

[Argonautomobile]

Deleted post

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Transference after only one session? Are you sure this is a good idea?

I am not sure about it myself. We work for two hours and a lot happened in those two hours. T took a big risk disclosing this to me and I still don't know how I feel about it and her saying the sex was great.

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Originally Posted by atisketatasket

At first I misread your post and thought "experimented with women" meant "experimented with female clients." But even after figuring that out, this seems like too much, too fast, like lolagrace says.

No not clients it was before she was a t and before her training. She can relate to a lot of things old t couldn't so I don't feel it was too fast but I am not sure just yet.

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Originally Posted by Myrto

I disagree that it would necessarily be a bad idea to go with this therapist: as you said, she uses touch, seems very open and honest, could relate to your sexual orientation more than your other therapist, is more understanding.
If you have a good feeling why not go with it? And if you say you develop transference with older women anyway, then is it that surprising you're going to develop transfrence with this one?

I just wasn't expecting her to be so open but I did really appreciate it because I know she can understand a lot of what I am telling her, other t couldn't .
I guess I am afraid that their could be transference and counter transference and although I tend to fall in love with my ts it was safe because I knew they were straight and unavailable.

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[unlockingsanity]

Maybe she disclosed to build some initial rapport, but going as far as to say it was great sex? Eek. That'd be way too far in my books.

That's just my opinion though.

How long has she been practicing?

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I just wasn't expecting her to be so open but I did really appreciate it because I know she can understand a lot of what I am telling her, other t couldn't .
I guess I am afraid that their could be transference and counter transference and although I tend to fall in love with my ts it was safe because I knew they were straight and unavailable.

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I think it's important to keep in mind that she's also unavailable.
But I too don't think it's necessarily a red flag yet. Trust your instinct and what you feel comfortable with. If you feel her disclosures are inappropriate and impeding on therapy, you always retain the option to try someone else.

monalisasmile, transference we do it all the time unconsciously. We take things out on our friends and family. We do to our coworkers, our doctors, nurses, etc. This is just more uptight because it is dealing with validation for the very first time. Just go in and say what is on your mind, and you will work through this. It is like Reiki, they transfer your pain to them. Well with a T it is basically the same thing. Then they dissipate it and let it go. The two of you can let it go together. I hope this makes sense? tc

First, I think it's GREAT that you went to "test drive" a new therapist!
Have you thought about taking a few more for a test drive? Getting a real feeling for more than one might be a good idea.

I think it's really good that she was open from the very first meeting that no topic or conversation is off limits. I like that in a therapist. I do think, however, that her mentioning that she's "experimented" sexually in the first session is a bit over the top. It's one thing for a therapist to say that he/she is comfortable talking about sexual issues--one's sexual identity, preference, fantasies etc. and something entirely else when she tells the brand new client that she experimented sexually at one point and the sex was great! Truthfully, the comment about sex being great hits me a bit weird and definitely oversharing in my opinion. I have no doubt that I would not go back after a comment like that, but that's me and my repressed sexual feelings LOL. I like there to be a bit more mystery in the relationship during the initial six months or so of therapy meetings. But if you connected with her, I say have a few more sessions and see how it goes! I think her being open to hugs and touch is a big deal for you and one that might be very beneficial.

[flockpride]

T disclosing about her sexual experience in the first appointment!???? Not appropriate or safe, in my book.

[iheartjacques]

I don't know if it's always transference. I had strong attraction to current from when he stepped in the room before he called my name and I knew he was my new T.
See how you go.

[iheartjacques]

Originally Posted by flockpride

T disclosing about her sexual experience in the first appointment!???? Not appropriate or safe, in my book.

Maybe she was trying to reassure OP because of her previous negative feedback from past T?

[wheeler]

I think, if you can, maybe schedule another session and bring this up to her. Especially as you're still getting to know her, and she you. But I would also be a bit guarded for a bit.

I'm not surprised to hear you are trying out a new T after all the difficulties with your T. I guess only you can decide if this one is right for you, but I'd tread cautiously, I think the erotic transference could be painful and consuming if it carried on.

[lonelyBchoice]

Did she give you a hug in the first session too ??

[grimtopaz]

This is a HUGE red flag to me. I don't think it is ever appropriate for a therapist to share about their sex lives. If she were to share that she is bi/gay then that would be completely different since it is an issue of identify.

First of all, being gay is nothing like experimenting - it is an identity, it extends far beyond sexual acts. Second, I find her statement to be hugely provocative (I am a bisexual woman, FYI). Lastly, it is NOT the way a therapist should go about building rapport - the way to show acceptance is to act with acceptance.

Personally, if my therapist had told me she had experimented with women after I disclosed I was bisexual, I would have been greatly disturbed due to aforementioned reasons. I would feel she was trivializing my experiences as a bisexual woman while reducing it to "sexual experimentation". I would have found her statement to be a red flag of very poor boundaries

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I saw a new t today, it was a very different experience to old t. New t hugs and uses touch a lot which I really need and like.
I had difficulty talking about my sexuality (being a lesbian) with old t, it was difficult because I always felt judged and like she didn't understand it or me.
New t disclosed that she experimented with women , she was very open about her sexuality and about her own experiences. Part of my issues are that I always develop transference for older women and ts and now here is my erotic transference going off the ricter scale with her. I am sure she would be open to discussion about my transference as she is so open and honest that it scares me.

I guess I wasn't expecting this from her as I know she is married and has children and she is older than last t. I don't even know what I want or need from posting this but I just needed to express it.

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I should have said this in original post but I met this t in August so she is not entirely new . I met her once under training purposes (I am a t in training) she was one of the trainers. We did a piece of work together and it REALLY helped me. She held my hand the whole way through and she really gave me the most wonderful hug. I must also say she is a gestalt t as my previous t was too. Most gestalt ts are very open to touch( holding hands and hugging) .
Anyway when we touch there is something about our energy, I wonder is that why she touches me because she senses something about our energy.

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[Cinnamon_Stick]

She might have disclosed that to help you not feel so alone. I would give it some more sessions before deciding if it was a "red flag" or not.

[unaluna]

I always wanted to marry my ts because i wanted to bring them home to family dinners and protect me from my family. Ive talked about this with my t, that this was one of the fantasies around it. It would also prove to my family somehow that i was alright, see this nice person likes me. There are a few things wrong with these fantasies - one being, the family doesnt think that highly of anyone who likes me. I could bring Pope Francis home and they would find a problem with him!

The more i like myself, and just face the truth about my family - that they are close minded, and simply not as bright as i am, sorry! - the less i need to marry my t / defender. Does any of this resonate with you?

The reason for her disclosure was because I don't feel ok with my sexuality and she was trying to show me that sexuality is fluid. Mostly that it's ok to express your sexuality to males, females or whoever you would like to.
She believes in congruency and I like her honesty but I was somewhat shocked by her openess and still find myself thinking about her and this relationship. She was really hurt by it because this girl t was in a relationship with really hurt her and I found myself really empathising with her and I connected with her because I could never do that with last t who was very judgemental .

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Originally Posted by lonelyBchoice

Did she give you a hug in the first session too ??

Yes

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Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

Maybe she disclosed to build some initial rapport, but going as far as to say it was great sex? Eek. That'd be way too far in my books.

That's just my opinion though.

How long has she been practicing?

She has been practising for 26 years and teaching for ten. She has more experience than last t.

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