i dont know what to do...

Stormyclouds · Dec 22, 2015, 08:17 PM

T and I had a rupture some time back.

we dealt with it on the spot in a very superficial way and moved along.

i later realized my mistake...and apologized. he pretty much dismissed it and changed the topic. he was okay in the rest of the session...did say a couple of things that were very invalidating. but did so in such a professional manner...that i was sort of confused. i didnt know which way to take it. what he said was very odd..putting all the blame on me...then he said something very positive...that he wants to do whats best for me...his concern was for me..and i was like oh...he means it in a good way. but when i isolate the comments...i hate HIM for it...he belittled me. was making fun of me. but put in his closing sentence...that he is looking for my best interest. just changed my reaction.
i was speechless. What T said to me...NO good T will say to a client. it was a choice i made...and very good things came out of it. i have no regrets.
but i guess due to the rupture..T was upset and he just wanted to take it out on me.
anyhow...when leaving i again apologized and he just said thanks .

1. he wont openly discuss the rupture.
2. i feel like he is not accepting my apology
3. he is upset with me and is taking it out on me during sessions...by giving negative feedback on harmless situations following it by something positive. so diss me first then say oh things are still good between us.
4. he has changed a few things in the sessions how they run. making it more difficult for me. which is fine..i can manage. but the change was obvious and ofcourse this was immediately after the rupture.

hes engaged in session..but i feel his underlying resentment coming out in different ways.

i am thinking of just coming out and apologzing to him again. he has never asked or discussed the rupture. there was a reason...a very good, insightful one...but he just doesnt care to ask. like it doesnt even matter...all that matters is...T's feelings got hurt..and he is not able to get over it...is refusing to discuss it...and is probably wishing i just drop out.
FYI: i didnt scream at him. i didnt insult him. it was a normal conversation.

i would have let it go...had he accepted my apology. since he is avoiding it..i feel uncomfortable and want to clear the air.
maybe its too late...and it wont do me any good.
maybe its one of those ruptures that end the relationship.

i just dont know if i should go in and just talk about it...maybe he will agree to talk about it..or maybe he will refuse?
maybe he will be confrontational...maybe he will not care at all.

i am assuming if he doesnt wanna work with me..he will be direct...and tell me so.

right now it feels like hes playing mind games with me.
(some other things that i have not mentioned here)

he is being a total baby about it. i held him at a high standard..and this behavior is so disappointing and unlike a T.

summary:
option 1: ignore it and continue things as they are..even if they are unhealthy. better than nothing right. (i will be looking for another T but i kinda like this one..for some weird reason)
option2: confront ! he could show he doesnt give a damn and be very cold. or he could appreciate my honesty !

thank you for reading..this got longer than i had intended.