What is dependency?

Unhealthy dependency, that is. (Is there such a distinction?) What does it look like, in your view? What are its features? Have you experienced it?

It's something I wonder about as I approach termination of regular sessions.

If you can't function without the other person? Or feel like you can't, or won't.

I'm going by a bad breakup I went through once. I wasn't the one I thought was dependent, the other party was. Would not take no for an answer, kept trying to communicate with me. I had to cut off all contact, even though I didn't want to.

I think that's probably an extreme reaction. But I would guess if you need someone, anyone, more than you actually should, that's unhealthy dependency.

On a therapist? I don't know - I consider depending upon them at all dicey business as I consider them completely untrustworthy. For others, what I would consider unwise and extreme dependency seems a necessary part of the whole thing.

Maybe I should contextualize this a bit. I have my last regular session coming up, after which I'll be moved to monthly check-ins and, I suppose, an eventual cessation of care altogether.

I don't think my life will fall apart without weekly sessions. I don't feel in crisis or like I "Need" therapy, but I don't really want to leave, either. If it were up to me, I'd go to sessions indefinitely just because it's kind of awesome to have a whole fifty minutes that are all about me. Maybe that's self-absorbed, but it feels good, like self-care, and I like it.

Is that a kind of dependency, do you think?

I think unhealthy dependency is kind of not able to make life decisions without asking t. Or unable to cope without emailing texting t over every issue. Unable to wait till next session

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I don't know if that's dependency as much as it is comfort. Dependency in this situation, to me, would mean not being able to function without seeing your t weekly. That's not the case. You find comfort in having that 'me' time. I don't think that's unhealthy at all.

Feeling if someone leaves you won't be able to cope. Actually not being able to cope when they leave. Falling apart when they leave because they encouraged such a reliance on them that you forget how to cope on your own. Hurting yourself because they told you that you were too loved to ever abandon, and then abandoning you.

Jesus, I'm not sure I ever appreciated how serious dependency could be. I feel silly for asking the question now.

Thank you so much for your responses!

Don't feel silly, it's an okay question!!

I'm probably unhealthily dependent on my T right now. We've been seeing one another for four months and we've not unearthed enough of my issues for me to feel I can get out on that tree limb and fly, yet. I came to therapy so isolated - no friends, no interests, depressed, experiencing cognitive problems, etc. that if I wasn't dependent on my T right now, I'd slip back into those unhealthy behaviors in an instant. Maybe this isn't so unhealthy for the stage I'm in...

That sounds a lot like me a month or so ago. No, I don't think you have an unhealthy dependency

Hi Argonautmobile, I don't think it's dependency, it is just on-going self care and deepening self knowledge. Even if we don't "need" therapy, it makes us feel uplifted, understood and comforted. I am sorry to hear it is not up to you. Also I am glad your T apologized after making you wait 20 mins. You are important and deserve the best. I wish your therapy could continue longer.

You're sweet to keep up with my story Your comments are always helpful and appreciated. Happy holidays to you!