Post Termination Contact with T

For those of you have terminated with a t that you were close to, what kind of rules are there in place in terms of communication with that t?

I recently terminated with a therapist that I had worked with for almost four years and was very close to. Knowing how hard the termination would be for me, my t and I spent a good amount of time making our terms for termination very clear. I was welcome to send her updates and she promised that she wouldn't never forget me and always respond (obviously not if I was emailing her every day lol, but ... yeah). Anyways, it has been about a month and a half since termination. It has been a rocky month and half with me trying to work out things with a new therapist.

I got a text my from old t this afternoon. She wished me happy holidays and sent me a cute picture of her dog wearing a pair of antlers. I was extremely touched by this gesture but I was also confused. And as I have been thinking more about it, I've even become almost a bit... angry. And bitter. It has been a really hard month and a half. And I know that she always wanted/wants the best for me and will always be there supporting me in spirit. So it was comforting to receive her text. However, I have also been struggling without her since we terminated. Her message brought up all of the sadness I feel from our termination and reminds me of how much I miss her.

I don't know if I am acting like an ungrateful brat for having this sort of emotional reaction. I don't know if I am making too much of a simple gesture. I just thought that I would send her a message when I felt ready. I didn't even consider the possibility of her being the one to initiate contact. It took me by surprise and I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to feel.

Was she out of line? Am I overthinking and overreacting?

If and when you feel ready, you might respond with a thanks for thinking about you, but also a request that in the future you be the one to make first contact. Just quickly explain just what you said here. She should understand that. I don't think it would be upsetting to her, but it would be actually very proactive and self-advocating of you to do that.

I recently terminated with my T of 3 1/2 years (not our choice, hospital closed down the clinic). I am grieving hard and not over it at all. There is a chance he might see patients again next spring and I begged him to call me if he does.

As for contact - I asked him if I could drop him a card in the mail at his new job and he said that was fine. I don't think he will answer. If he did, or called me, I would be over the moon happy. At this point a five-minute phone call would have me walking on air for a week. I miss him so much.

I terminated with my therapist of 7 years in October because I moved to a different state. It has been difficult. She allows me to email her and she will respond if I email her first. I find that has been helpful. It has been somewhat of an easier transition. Don't get me wrong, I still miss her like crazy and wish I was still seeing her. It is hard adjusting to a new therapist or finding one that I can connect with. I understand the sad feelings the loss brings up. You aren't alone.

I think she was out of line. There are no rules in place that she has broken, but I think what she did was unfair to you.
I'm in a similar situation to you, in that I have an old therapist whom I've been thinking about over the holidays, and I can well imagine that if he contacted me out of the blue I would feel the same mixture of elation, shock and anger you describe.
Your ex therapist really has no idea how her message will be received and I can't see a therapeutic purpose for her actions.
The big question is - what is she communicating here? "I'm still thinking about you."? "I miss you."? These are her issues, not yours and to drag you into them is not fair. You have every right to be angry.

although her intentions were probably good, your ex T should know that she should not be initiating contact with former clients's. Lola's advice is spot on n, I think. If you do contact her or if she contacts you again, I would say to her what you said here. She is a bit naive and doesnt understand the impact such contact can have.

I don't think you are overreacting. I would argue that fundamentally what you are reacting to is a relationship that did not follow the laws of nature. It was not organic in its origin, development, nor conclusion. So there is constant confusion. And even after it ends seems often that neither party knows how to behave, and the confusion lingers on.

I dont blame you for feeling as you do.

I am in email, snail mail...and occasionally, phone contact with my previous T. I last saw her fifteen years ago. I have always been the one to initiate contact.

I don't feel your ex-T violated any rules. Perhaps this possible scenario didn't come up for either of you when you discussed boundaries before you ended therapy.

Boundaries are negotiatible. She needs to know it felt unsettling for her to be the one to initiate contact with you. It sounds like she was a great T...and I believe she would appreciate knowing you found her contact troubling.

Miswimmy1, you know I'm in contact with my former T and have been for a very long time. Even now, he will not initiate contact. He always responds warmly, and we've shared both great joy and sadness since therapy ended. And even though I can't imagine a circumstance when it would in any way hurt me if he were to initiate contact, he will never take that chance. Not because we negotiated terms of contact, but because he understands the nature of his role in my life and will never compromise that. Echos is right: your T should have known better and you have every right to let her know she overstepped.