Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
there is nothing particularly extravagant in my life that would warrant others to make negative comments... I am ordinary person with ordinary life. I think sometimes people do not want to hear the truth and just want validation. That's ok too as long as people say it up front
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I think the point is that so many of the negative comments are NOT warranted. Ive seen so many posters receive off-the-wall negative comments about completely ordinary, mundane situations. And, often times, the comments have nothing to do with the situation at hand. Commenters have their own histories and biases and allow those to trigger them into making these harsh, negative responses. They assume that anyone posting on this board must have severe issues (which isn't always true) and therefore they assume all kinds of things about the poster based on very little information. Things like "oh, you did that! My mother did that once! You must be a horrible narcissist like her! No wonder your boyfriend left you! Just look at your behavior!" The kinds of negative comments people often receive are just train-of-thought stories made up by the commenters themselves. Now, I'm not talking about posts where the OP says they are off their meds and they were fired/expelled for bad behavior or the OP posts the exact same thread every month, saying that the same behavior still isn't working. There are some circumstances where it seems fairly clear what's going on, but with the more mundane theeads, the negative comments are really misguided and unwarranted.
The idea that posters know "the truth" about a stranger on the Internet from a handful of posts is just silly. In fact, it's quite arrogant. Why would a poster think they know "the truth" better than the OP, the OP's therapist, and the OP's family and friends? I think doling out negative criticism with so little information, and then saying "they just don't want to hear the truth!" when the OP says "actually, that doesn't apply to my situation" is pretty irresponsible and condescending. A poster should feel safe posting on a support forum, but clearly so many prople on PC do NOT feel safe. I think that's a problem. It's a problem that posters feel they will never be heard or understood because strangers have already decided that anytime their advice is not heeded, it's because the OP "doesn't want to hear the truth" and is "only looking for validation." There are ways to ask questions and find out more information, or toss out possibilities for what might be going on, without making assumptions or passing judgments that may be entirely wrong. So much of the criticism in this forum seems to come from commenters who want to make themselves feel better by criticizing others. if a commenter really thinks the OP has a blind spot or is being self-destructive, why not kindly ask for more information or ask if their theory of what's going on might fit for the OP? That would be constructive. I DO think there is a way to offer support by suggesting ways the OP might do things differently. But that is by asking if an alternative approach might be helpful, not unilaterally declaring that the OP HAS to do it thst way, and if they don't, then they are "not facing the truth!" Not all suggestions are going to be helpful or accurate. In fact, most threads end up offering contradictory advice. the point of a support forum is to offer possible interpretations or suggestions, and allow the OP to read through them and decide what fits and what does not. But this isn't what happens on PC much of the time. The comments are overly harsh and often misguided. Doling out paragraphs of judgments and criticisms, most of which don't apply at all, is vindictive and speaks more about the commenter than the OP. Unfortunately, it stops a lot of members from posting at all because it just reminds them that, once again, they are not going to be heard or understood. Commenters are interested in jamming their immediate thoughts & suggestions down their throats, and not actually listening or coming to understand the situation more completely through questions and dialogue.
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
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