[stopdog]

Do you think the therapist has tried to get you to depend upon more or less or not at all?

This is not a poll to question whether it is healthy or unhealthy or right or wrong to do so (and if you will note - there are no adjectives or adverbs in the encourage or discourage choices) although certainly one may explain their idea of healthy or unhealthy in responses. I feel the need to clarify as it seems people are reading into the choices a slant which is neither written nor intended.

[atisketatasket]

No. Even No. 1 with her various weirdnesses didn't seem to be aiming for that.

Yes, I think some of them like it because it makes them feel important.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

What do you mean by 'depend'? T used to ask me "Why didn't you call me?" when I told her about how I'd been struggling particularly badly - do you mean that?

[1stepatatime]

Yes, it feels like at first she really encouraged it.. Wanted me to be vulnerable, to trust her, to know that she is always with me , stuff like that. Now it feels like she is pushing back. She rarely responds to my email.. It feels like mind games sometimes. From other posts I've read this seems to be a common pattern. Maybe it is the therapist trying to parent then let go as we grow but it doesn't feel like that. It feels rather uncaring.

[nervous puppy]

"other" -
I feel that my T neither encourages dependence nor discourages dependence. I think she encourages me to talk about or ask for whatever it is that I think I need at the time.
Things I need to ask for would be additional appointments or if I can email her or call her outside of session.
Even the email thing was initiated by me because it was easier for me to write things out than to speak them.
I don't see that as T encouraging me to be dependent on her. I see it as T finding a way to meet me where I am at and using it to aid our therapy work together.

[velcro003]

I'm with nervous puppy. I think I could have written the exact same thing! I don't think my T encourages or discourages dependence. She is ok with me e-mailing or calling her outside of session if I am struggling, but she doesn't ever talk about it in session, like "Remember you can always call!!" unless I am in a really bad place. She's just there.

Other. First, the ability to depend on a therapist is not necessarily a negative. Over-dependence would be, but healthy dependence on someone in time on need is . . . Healthy. Thus, I can't say he encouraged dependence because the way you word this poll seems to see dependence as a given negative (perhaps I am misreading that though). He encouraged healthy dependence on him as needed; that ability to ask for assistance from others ( not just therapists) is an important skill.

[magno11789]

My T has never encouraged dependence on her, but she hasn't outright discouraged it either. She encourages me to reach out to her if needed, but not in a dependence way. I have learned other skills to use before I would need to reach out to her. And if nervous puppy is spot on, and I could have written the same thing as well.

[healed84]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Other. First, the ability to depend on a therapist is not necessarily a negative. Over-dependence would be, but healthy dependence on someone in time on need is . . . Healthy. Thus, I can't say he encouraged dependence because the way you word this poll seems to see dependence as a given negative (perhaps I am misreading that though). He encouraged healthy dependence on him as needed; that ability to ask for assistance from others ( not just therapists) is an important skill.

What she said

[nottrustin]

Answered other because I didn't like any of the other answers. I don't equate trust and contacting them for support as dependence. Trust is something that I have difficulty with and she encouraged that by just being consistent always following through. Yes she also encourages me to reach out when I need to. She knows I have a very hard time asking for people for help. We have worked extensively on figuring out how to handle things on my own, seeking help from hubby and a couple of close friends and also other coping skills. Reaching out to her is part of the plan when I am feeling really overwhelmed and safe.

[missbella]

My therapist(s) presented themselves as infallible, which more is encouraging submission rather than dependence.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Other. First, the ability to depend on a therapist is not necessarily a negative. Over-dependence would be, but healthy dependence on someone in time on need is . . . Healthy. Thus, I can't say he encouraged dependence because the way you word this poll seems to see dependence as a given negative (perhaps I am misreading that though). He encouraged healthy dependence on him as needed; that ability to ask for assistance from others ( not just therapists) is an important skill.

I never said depending on a therapist was a negative as a general proposition. I did not label dependence as good or bad at all - certainly that is being read into it by people - which is fine - but neither my intent nor by my words is it there. I am wronged on this. Plus there are enough references by posters about "therapist discourages dependence" - that I became curious at how people saw it with the one they hire. Based on your description - I would have guessed you voted encouraged - but if you chose other - I assume you see it as other.

Both of the ones I see have actively encouraged it (telling me to call them repeatedly at the end of each appointment, telling me I can schedule more appointments, emailing with there there out of the blue, berating me for not needing them etc). I don't want or need them in that way - I don't see it as healthy or unhealthy to do it - just that I have no use for it. I am interested in whether one sees the therapist as encouraging or discouraging it. That is all.

My T has encouraged me to depend upon him as a source of support within reasonable bounds, and to expect him to behave reliably and consistently and to call him on it if he is inconsistent or does something that hurts me. He encourages me to have the same expectations of others in my life. He stated that I have always relied only upon myself and tend to just white knuckle it through everything no matter how hard it is for me, without asking for or expecting help. He believes it is healthier to have supportive relationships with other humans and to be able to ask for and receive help without it feeling like weakness to me.

[ilikecats]

I kinda feel like my T has encouraged me to be dependent on her if I need to, but it's not in an unhealthy way. She just says that I can text or call if I need to, so I feel like I can depend on her, but I'm not entirely dependent on her. She has also encouraged me to get more support outside of therapy, so it's not like she wants me to totally be dependent on her.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

He stated that I have always relied only upon myself and tend to just white knuckle it through everything no matter how hard it is for me, without asking for or expecting help. He believes it is healthier to have supportive relationships with other humans and to be able to ask for and receive help without it feeling like weakness to me.

I think this is what the first one I see is going for and she has said similar things - although a bit more disparaging at me.
I don't really get what the second one is doing.

[Argonautomobile]

T passively discourages dependence by being flaky and unreliable. Hahaha.

Seriously, though, it's never come up explicitly.

[Chummy]

I don't think my T has tried to encourage it. I can email her if I want to. But my T rather has that I get to depend on myself and more on other people who are close to me than her. Because one day I'll have to live without her. She helpsme with things and she also helps me to try to talk to other people instead of only to her.

For first T I would say an alarming mishmash of the two, which was confusing and hurtful, but with current T it's never even been an issue. I don't depend on him, I doubt he wants me to be dependant on him. It plays no part in my therapy.

[atisketatasket]

Well, now this thread has got the lyrics from "I am sixteen going on seventeen" stuck in my head.

"I'll depend on youuuuu..."

Whether negative or not, doesn't dependence suggest a long-term thing? In other words, calling in a crisis would be depending on the therapist in a crisis. Calling every day no matter what would be dependence.

[Out There]

Good thread , I don't feel my T has either encouraged or discouraged dependence , maybe peoples definitions of it are different. I feel I can rely on my T - and in fact I'm going to start another thread for more discussion.

[divine1966]

No. I am pretty sure mine never tried to get me to depend on her. Well if she did and I didn't notice, then she did a bad job because i don't feel I depend on her. I do value her opinion and expertise though otherwise I wouldn't see her. I do depend on her bring flexible though as i can't have set appointment schedule.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by divine1966

No. I am pretty sure mine never tried to get me to depend on her. Well if she did and I didn't notice, then she did a bad job because i don't feel I depend on her. I do value her opinion and expertise though otherwise I wouldn't see her. I do depend on her being flexible though as i can't have set appointment schedule.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Appears as I quoted myself. Error


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[AllHeart]

My t needs to be needed, so she definitely encouraged dependency and I wound up buying into it hook, line, and sinker. Most times it's been healthy. Some times not so much.

No, I don't view anything my therapist has done as a technique or tactic to get me to become dependent on her. In fact, she is very cautious to follow my lead. I'm a pretty independent person and often avoid or ignore situations that strike me a smothering or engulfing. She's never offered phone calls or emails, although she made sure I had her business card that listed her professional office number and professional cell phone number. Since I contacted her through Psychology Today Therapist directory, I have her email because she responded to me with her professional university based email account. I don't feel the need to contact her other than cancelling when I need to, and she hasn't "encouraged" or talked to me about "calling or emailing" if I feel the need.