[Miswimmy1]

Who knows about your participation in therapy and/or past hospitalizations? Who do you choose to tell (friends, classmates, coworkers, etc.)? How do you decide who to tell? And what do you say?

I have had a really hard time adjusting to college. Every day, I feel like I am spending all of my energy trying to maintain this image of me a completely sane person. I feel like I'm trying to come across as put-together and fit in. I realize that I am not really making friends because even when I'm not focusing everything I have on trying to maintain this façade, I feel like I am not being my complete self. My past has had a huge impact on who I am today. I still deal with the impact of mental disorders every single day. I feel like no one really knows me, but I'm not sure that I want them to, even if I felt comfortable enough to tell them.

I feel like I'm back in my freshman year of high school. I am having deja vu about a post that I recall from during that time - I said that I was lonely. I feel lonely now. But this time around, I know why I feel different than everyone around me, because I know that I *am* different than everyone around me. I have words for it, an explanation, something that I can tell people. When I was seeing my ex-T, like I did through high school, I had someone to talk to who was non-judgmental. I could be completely myself. Now I have no t like that, and I worry that telling some of the few 'friends' that I've made here about me will scare them away. What do I do?

Miswimmy1, if i were in your shoes i would just say you are having a hard time adjusting to the pressures of school and ask that others help you overcome the fast pace of it all. That is a good enough explanation without explaining why. I really dont understand the need of everyone having to know our business, and not all friends need to know it either. You are safe in establishing it as that and leaving it at that. Real friends do not pry or get invasive or nosey about others. This makes nice boundaries, safe ones and protects your privacy in the meantime. And it alleviates the need to explain yourself. It is good enough and i do believe more people do this than you would even know. tc and blessings! the best at school!

[bolair811]

Does your college have a counseling center where students can go for free or low-cost counseling? I had so many of those same feelings when I started college... it was hard enough adjusting to all the changes, but my history of depression and severe anxiety didn't help make things any easier when it came to making friends, having fun, etc. It took a long time to find out who the safe people were. But during that time where I felt like I really had no one to talk to, I talked with a counselor for 45 minutes once a week. It was a huge help for me. She worked from a very cognitive behavioral approach, but she was also very empathic and sometimes just let me vent and cry without trying to fix anything.

Now that I'm 36, I've had 3 hospitalizations and have been in therapy since my 20's. Aside from my therapists and pdoc, My family knows I was hospitalized, but only 3 of my friends know. They are my closest friends (from college, ironically), but several others know I'm in therapy and on medications. But, I haven't told anyone at work except my closest coworker that I take meds and go to therapy, but she assumes it's just for anxiety/worry. No one there knows I've been hospitalized or my history of severe depression. I don't plan on disclosing that either. I don't think it has to be everyone's business because as much as I wish it could change, stigma is still very real, especially in the work-place.

I think it's about starting out with someone who is pretty much guaranteed to be a safe person (a counselor or therapist), then learning slowly from there who the safe people are in your life that can be supportive friends.