Do you think of your T as a friend...

UglyDucky · Jan 14, 2016, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shamon86

Or is it purely a professional relationship?

Not a friend, but I feel very close to my T. Part of the reason I feel we have a purely professional relationship is the transference I'm going through...I struggle with the feelings wrapped up in that. Too, I have too many boundaries.

bolair811 · 03:09 PM

My relationship with my T is strictly professional, but he is a very warm, caring, and funny person who I imagine I'd get along well with as a friend IF he weren't my therapist. He has done a little self disclosure here and there (I know he has a son and daughter that are in band, and that he recently got married, and that he runs and does triathlons). But the only reason I really know those things is because I mentioned being in band and a music ed major and I ran my first 5K last year.

NowhereUSA · Jan 14, 2016, 11:41 AM

I'm with lola - a very friendly professional relationship.

For us, there is a mutual respect, mutual interests, and we've worked together for a long time. I know a lot about his personal life that I know other clients don't know about (he tends to work short term and only had a few longer term clients).

It's a unique relationship and one that I value a great deal.

AllHeart · Jan 14, 2016, 02:56 PM

Yes, my t and I are friends. It all works.

A Red Panda · Jan 15, 2016, 08:55 AM

We have a friendly, professional relationship. We're in a small community, so we actually have various mutual aquaintances (including one of his past coworkers being one of my closest friends) and I have some friends/aquaintances who also see him as a counsellor. I also have a friendly relationship with the receptionist and have spent some time with her socially through the same past coworker of his.

But are we friends? No. If we had met socially instead of professionally, we wouldn't be friends either; we don't have many, if any, common interests.

Petra5ed · Jan 15, 2016, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shamon86

Or is it purely a professional relationship?

If it were up to me we would have some kind of real relationship, but as it stands not sure he knows my name still, so I will say it is a professional relationship where I pay money for him to pretend to like me.

ScarletPimpernel · Jan 15, 2016, 10:39 AM

It's not a friendship nor is it purely professional. It's somewhere inbtwn. It's real, but can only beneficially exist in the confines of its ethical boundaries.

December2015 · Jan 15, 2016, 11:36 AM

In the past I thought about how great it would be if he and I could be friends outside of the office - I imagined one sunny Saturday morning calling him up and getting together to hit golf balls ... I'm thinking that somehow knowing this was not possible was really feeding my own neurosis but at the time I felt happy . I have felt insecure about sports I never played - knowing he wouldn't judge me and that I could express this sort of lifted that " inadequate " residue in my psyche . I think this Spring I might join some sort of beginners group and see if I like golf or have any talent .

December2015 · Jan 20, 2016, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I just looked online for definitions of "friend." Basically, it says a friend is someone with whom you have mutual person regard, or affection for. It doesn't say anything about "doing things socially with a person" or knowing about their life. So, by the simple definition my T is certainly my friend and most of us have that kind of T relationship, I think.

However, my T has said that we aren't friends, using the word in the way we usually think of friendships, as more reciprocal. We're closer than friends in some ways, I think. I'd never tell my friends what I tell my T. She sees me more often, I bet, than she sees her girl friends. Aside from that, we're very friendly with each other, and have common interests. I would love to be friends with my T but then I wouldn't have a therapist!

Thank you . I agree with all that you said . How could I be so open ad vulnerable if I didn't feel some measure of friendship . And your right T and I had a similar conversation ( I would talk about my problems / he would do the same / reciprocal ..... I've just been feeling bad about not having him in my life ...and I see the distinction must exist .....I wonder if therapists have therapists or if therapists have other therapists as friends ?

RedSun · Jan 20, 2016, 01:57 PM

The therapists I know have their own therapists.
And they have therapists as friends but seem to try to not be therapists in that relationship.

Chummy · Jan 20, 2016, 01:59 PM

I don't see my T as a friend. I really see it as something professional. But I do care about my T, I do find her important. And I want her to care about me. I want to be her favorite client. But I see her only as my T. I don't want to be anything else of her, though I am curious about her private life.

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