[Suraya]

I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with my emotions and explain to myself these weird regression like reactions I’ve been having. I’ve tried to explain to T, hoping she’ll “get” what I’m trying to articulate and explain better to me, but she doesn’t seem to get it. If she does, she doesn’t expand on it or explain it to me. It almost makes me feel shameful. I don’t want to bring it up that it happened again, yet it is disconcerting that I get these feelings and react the way I have been. Here’s kind of what I’m talking about: somebody will let me down, or not follow through on what they have said they are going to do, or get angry with me, and I feel almost child-like fear of being abandoned and alone again. I have a need to control the situation and make sure things are “okay” and to my liking so I’m not “left alone and hurt” – that’s how it feels anyway, even if my adult, rational mind knows better. Does this happen to anyone else and how do you explain it?

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Suraya

Here’s kind of what I’m talking about: somebody will let me down, or not follow through on what they have said they are going to do, or get angry with me, and I feel almost child-like fear of being abandoned and alone again. I have a need to control the situation and make sure things are “okay” and to my liking so I’m not “left alone and hurt” – that’s how it feels anyway, even if my adult, rational mind knows better. Does this happen to anyone else and how do you explain it?

Seems pretty articulate to me. In fact, the bells just went off in my head -- that's why I do those same things. So thank you! The only explanation I can offer up is this just one of the ways unmet childhood caregiver needs affects us in our adult relationships. Having an insecure attachment can make us fawn because we constantly carry with us the underlying fear of being hurt and rejected like we were in childhood and that kind of pain is too much to even think about bearing more of.

How did or would your t have responded to you telling her this?

[Suraya]

Having an insecure attachment can make us fawn because we constantly carry with us the underlying fear of being hurt and rejected like we were in childhood and that kind of pain is too much to even think about bearing more of.

I guess it does come down to that wiring that happens in childhood. Maybe being aware of it will help to stop it and break the behavior and reaction.