[sadridehome]

Hi,

I'm coming to the end of my course of therapy in the next few weeks and I'm really, really struggling with it. I have issues with endings anyway, and I am incredibly attached to my therapist. That's putting it mildly, I actually feel like I love him. I told him a few weeks ago and we have talked about it, although he isn't exactly helping matters - he has been far too sweet about it and hasn't actually even said "not happening!" which is just making my brain hurt. It's okay, I know it isn't ever going to happen, I just kind of want him to tell me so, to stop my stupid head from playing make believe.

Anyway, that's not the issue. I'm in a slightly complicated situation where, because I am in residential care, my care coordinator is in fairly regular contact with my t. This results in them having discussions that one or the other relays to me. A few weeks ago, my care coordinator said something about the end of therapy not being the end, that I could go back after a break. I was confused because my t and I have been doing a lot of work on the ending, and I assumed that the end was final. I talked to my t about it, and he assured me that yes, the end was the end, there was no break. My care coordinator had misunderstood and he would talk to him. Fine.

The other day, I saw my care co again and he asked if I had spoken to my t. I had, in fact I'd just returned from my session. I asked why and he asked if we were talking about the ending, and I said yes, and why, again. He said "just because {t's name} said it was important to have a definite ending and a break". Is it just me or is that an oxymoron? I know I should just ask t, but because of the afore mentioned attachment issues, I really don't feel that I can. I don't want him to think I just want to keep hanging on to him, I already try and downplay my feelings towards him (not deliberately, it's just how I function).

I guess what I'm getting at is, is it at all possible that my t is thinking that we could start therapy again at a later point, and is just not telling me because of the important work on endings? Is this allowed? Or is my care co just as thick as two short planks, and even after having had clarification from my t still thinks that we are having a "break"? I don't even know if I would want to go back, but I am so confused about the whole thing. Surely it is unethical to outright lie to me about having a break, if he is planning such a thing?

I probably ought to say that I am in the UK and my care is all NHS, in case that changes anything!

I'm sorry this is so long, I'm a bit of a mess at the moment with all these unwanted feelings! Thanks for any replies.

It sounds to me like your care coordinator is probably wrong about this, or meaning something else, like a break from therapy, not a break from this particular T.
If you have asked T directly I don't think he would lie to you, it would be unethical to do so. I would mention again to your T that you feel like you are getting mixed messages and you would like clarity. The confusion isn't your fault, and you have every right to have it cleared up.

[ThisWayOut]

I wonder if your cc doesn't mean "break" as in "to break off, finalize, end with certainty". I've had t"s that left contact open for updates and such, even if therapy was never to resume with that person. Perhaps your cc is referring to a total break in contact with your t?

Talking to t again about your confusion (and also your cc) would be the best way to get clarification though... if t is saying you won't resume therapy with him, he likely means it. I'm assuming nhs is declaring your therapy finished, so that is why t is saying therapy with him is done.

[sadridehome]

Thank you for your replies. I was in such a fuzz I didn't even think about it meaning a break from therapy in general, and I guess I also didn't think of it as I wasn't planning on returning to any kind of therapy any time soon anyway! It would have always been a total break in contact with my t anyway - there has never been any contact outside of sessions, and I believe that is how the whole service works, so I think the break in all therapy is the most likely meaning.

Thank you again for your much more logical answers than my head was giving me!