When you suddenly don't feel like going?

Has anyone else felt like this... for the longest time I've had intense transference and desire to see my therapist, but starting a few months ago I've started to feel better on my own outside of sessions, and less desperate to see him. Despite this progress, it seems like now I'm noticing a trend of the therapy itself triggering me more and more often. I feel like therapy can unhinge my otherwise calm and or happiness, and it's not that he's doing or saying anything different, it's just what he represents to me. So for the first time ever really I feel like happier without my therapist than with him in some sense.

I'm thinking more about ending therapy, and or maybe taking a break. I don't think I'll seriously end it soon, but now I see that I will sometime. And I don't want to take a break on one hand, but on the other therapy is feeling painful for me at the moment, I wonder if it wouldn't be better for me to take a break.

First, I think this is a good thing - to me this can mean therapy is working. That said, if the therapy itself becomes a trigger for new emotional distress that you didn't have going in, then a break might be a good idea. It doesn't need to be anything definitive - when you feel ready you could simply cancel and reschedule an upcoming appointment. If the new appointment comes closer and you still don't feel like going, reschedule again, then again (and so on).

I've followed your posts and don't think your feelings for your T are something therapeutic to be worked out, but rather intense attraction. Once you've done much of your work in therapy and attraction is what's left I can imagine your sessions might be pretty difficult. So if you're starting to feel ambivalent about going I might take it as an opportunity to see how you do with less therapy. If it's too much you always can try again later.

Thanks, I agree I thought it was a good sign overall. Only thing I'm not sure about is that this is new pain. I think it's the old pain, I'm still not over it, only it only seems to come up for me now right after I see my therapist. It's like I recover from my feelings for him to a large extent then relapse when I see him.

100%. If you saw my previous threads it was the same with me. I kept cancelling week after week and didn't go to therapy for a month. When I finally went my T asked why I kept cancelling and I said that I just needed a break and some time to myself. Sometimes therapy can get extremely exhausting and tiring and when I cancelled I felt free in a way. Like I wouldn't have to worry every week about what therapy will consist of, what were going to discuss, how it'll make me feel...

It was a nice break. I felt calmer but of course even with the progress we've made I dont see it ending anytime soon. A break is always good to get your head together again.

I see t once a month and sometimes once in two months. I just don't have the time and don't have much to discuss outside of mundane stuff. I don't want to drop it though as things might change

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I can relate to this a lot. My situation was similar a couple of years ago. I'd start to feel better, but then I'd have a session and seem to step backward. I'd sometimes end up feeling worse after my session, especially immediately after on my way home. I found that when I started working more on my home life and career goals, the better it got. I didn't stop going (it's my pdoc so I didn't want to), but put more time between sessions and I found that really helped. Now I find that my feelings are much less intense. If they get stronger, I can usually see it as a sign that I need to refocus.