[Gracey]

I'm not sure where to post this. . .here or DID arena, so I'll try both. It's a therapuetic issue, but has to do with DID.

Saw my T today. . .we have had an ongoing relationship for nearly four years. I think some of you are familiar with all of that. Anyway, he has been largely unaware (or maybe he hasn't and I'm just snowing myself) of the others, but then my dx is rather new anyway and I'm not exactly sure it IS truly DID. Don't you have to have like two extra distinct personalities? I don't know. . .it doesn't matter. Anyway. . .here's what happened. . .when I got there today I was in the midst of a panic attack. First one in a while, and I couldn't make it stop. Talk about embarassing. So, he tries to help. . .tries to get me grounded. None of it is working. So he switches tracks and asks me to "experience" the moment and what am I feeling? That sort of thing. So he asks, "How young do you feel right this moment?" That's the last thing I remember. Next thing I know, I'm sitting upright (I had been laying on his couch) and have a pad and colored pencils where I've been drawing. As I'm gathering myself, he asks, "How're you feeling?" and I tell him "Kind of spacey" and he said, "Yeah that happens sometimes." So, I'm NOT about to give away my hand by asking him what happened and proving that I wasn't really there, but he isn't giving his away either. It was really kind of awkward for me, but he seemed to take it all in stride, you know? He was relaxed, sat back in his chair, very tender and caring as he usually is. Nothing really different. He is always accepting of me, always validating, he is great for my self esteem, you know? He didn't fly off the handle like some T's do.

What do I do now? I mean, do I come out and ask him? My DX is new and apparently the parts that are already inside are learning to deal with my awareness. I don't "hear" them or anything like that. One emails with me on a regular basis, but other than that, all I know is what others have told me.

Ideas? Help please.

[Perna]

If you've seen him 4 years and are comfortable with his style and now know he obviously "knows" then I would ask him! Start with something "easy" like asking how long you were coloring and where the coloring book and crayons came from? See what he says and then ask him whatever you're curious about (if your alter gave her name or what she may have said, etc.). Just explore "gently" and see where it/he takes you and if it gets too much for you, save some of it for some other time and go back to something "safer" that you were discussing last time that interested you or that you wanted to explore further.

[Hopefull]

I'd suggest that you ask him. I suspect that he wants to help you to get to know all the parts of you. So, he will want to share whatever happened when the time is right. I'd be pretty curious about that.
Besides, my regret with my last T is that I didn't ask her what she had ask me before I zoned out for a second and forget what she'd ask me. I just remember her asking me something. Then, I started having my thought swirl around in my head and then she ask me why I was acting weird? I said that I had no idea and chickened out of asking her what she's ask me before that.
Also, I don't think you had a "disaster." I think it might have been scary to have noticed the odd change and lack of memory. However, the mind can do strange things. That's why we talk to Ts. So, when our mind does a strange thing in session, it is not a "disaster." It just is what our mind did.

another thing you could do it... ask yourself what happened. ask 'inwardly' or something like that.

part of you knows or has some idea what happened...

be kind to yourself.

[(JD)]

(((safe hug)) No, not a disaster at all

What a kewl T that he had paper and pencils to draw and color with!

IMO T will not offer information that you might be keeping separate from "yourself." You have to be the one to acknowledge that you realize you might have another "personality" "alter" "part" or whatever you are choosing to call this aspect of yourself.

I think it's important to fill the T in on all you might know about this part of yourself. If you don't have anything at all concrete, but only glimpses and suspicions, then if you can share that with him also, that will help him help you better.

Even with the acknowledgement, I doubt T will share with you what goes on when you are not "there" but the other is. You have walled this part of you off for a reason, and T isn't about to just tear that wall down at this point. The other may have information that you really don't wish to hear right now, you know?

Don't feel afraid. It sounds to me like T has things controlled and is confident in his ability to help you.

TC

[tranquility]

Gracey - sounds like a great T and I agree with Sky, this was no disaster, rather an unpeeling of the onion.

Absolutely talk with him. You can just ask what happened - he is smart and knows you well, so he won't say anything that would throw you in a tailspin, but as you are ready to know more ask and he can tell you.

I think it was a great session!

Tranquility