Do Therapists Have Favorites?

Do you think therapists have favorite (and least favorite) clients? Discuss.

Definitely. And I am the favorite!

i am sure as he is always talking enthusiastically about a trauma centre he works at. I am not one of the favourites

I'm sure they have clients they like more (and less) than others. Some may claim they don't but that doesn't seem feasible to me. If the T is a good one, they will give all clients the same quality of service, however.

I think they do at times favor one patient over another. They're human and so some patients can at times get on their nerves, and there are other patients who might be quite pleasant to be around and make the session enjoyable for them.

But good therapists work through their countertransference, and use that to get information about the patient and also to distance themselves from acting according to how pleasant/unpleasant the patient is to them. Because it so happens that sometimes the most "difficult" patient is the one who is hurting the most and least able to get control. And sometimes the most pleasant patients are ones who don't want to talk about the painful issues and to keep the conversation light. It's easy being a therapist but it's not easy being a good therapist.

Haha, I like that attitude.

I would think, if they are as human and unable to set that aside as people here often seem to advocate, that they would at the very least have clients who they find more pleasant to spend 50 minutes with than others. Why would it matter as long as during that 50 minutes they appear not to despise the client?

I'm sure they do. Just human nature really.

I think all therapists have clients they like more than other ones. As someone else said I think good therapists give the same quality of service to everyone.

I have always wanted to be my T's favorite. I am not sure if I am but a couple sessions ago she told me she likes working with me. It totally took me by surprise as I though I was needy and annoying and ask for to much. She said that was not the case and listed all the reasons she likes to work with me. She also said she really enjoys being a part of the relationship we have. I like how she told me this on her own without me having to ask. She has never acted annoyed or anything, I just always get worried that I am to needy for people and I ask for to much.

hi cinnamon,
im definitely my therapist s favorite .I been with her the longest and my psychiatrist has nothing but high regards for my therapist cuz my therapist is doing a wonderful and a great job with me as her client !!!!!!!!!!!! I would be lost without my therapist!!!!!!!!!!!!
She knows I'm compliant with taking meds this time .


Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs=75 mgs when up past 1:00 in the morning

Probably so, but I don't think the profile of the favorite is the same for all Ts. One may prefer a compliant client, another may prefer a more challenging persona. Maybe one likes unpredictability, and another reliability. Maybe the client who presents with an interesting psyche offers a T a chance to do work that isn't routine. For another T it may be qualities that are found to be admirable. It doesn't have to be about triggering a countertransference, but more a different challenge.

I would also be lost without my therapist. She has changed my life and I am so blessed to have her in my life and be able to work with her.

One of my biggest things to work on in therapy is my need to be "the favorite"... It can really hold me back from expressing things at times if I think they might make me be a "difficult" client. I try really hard to not be too needy or too demanding. But sometimes, that means I don't ask for what I need at all when my therapist would be more than willing to provide support for me.

Interesting topic!

Favorites? As in - I much prefer this person over that person? I think even if they had that thought, they'd use that feeling to understand why and it would become part of the work. Not just left 'sitting' there

My old t said I was the easiest person to work with after I got stable. I quit seeing her though and went back to my other t. I think the t I see now, likes me. I'm not a very challenging patient when I'm stable.

I think Ts definitely have favorites. I like to imagine I was my last T's favorite...but who knows. It was nice when one day she told me when I came back form winter break she had been thinking about me. This doesn't make me her "favorite" but it made me feel cared about.

This type of question always makes me wonder if there are Ts out there who like a challenge? My last T was very intelligent, I wonder if she enjoyed the challenge I brought her sometimes...

Of course. Teachers and parents also have favorites, however much they deny it. Like therapists, they shouldn't act on those feelings.

And how would anyone know they are the favorite, though? Even if a therapist looks you in the eye and says "you are my favorite," can a client believe that? (Actually I would run if a therapist said that to me.). What else is there to judge by? Body language that they could use to any client? No. 1 did all kinds of things that one might interpret as indicating favoritism, but in fact were just attempts to get me to attach to her.

I think No. 2 had clients she liked more and less, and I don't know the on-trial No. 3 enough to say yet. No. 1 is exactly the type to have favorites - if so, I rather suspect a now-deceased client she sometimes mentioned was it.

Haha, I like that attitude!

Aww, what makes you think you aren't a favorite? Does it matter to you?

Good point.

Nicely articulated. I had something buzzing around my head to this effect, but couldn't quite put it into words. I've often thought that it can't be very difficult being a crap therapist, but very hard to be a good one.

It probably doesn't matter unless you're one of those people with a neurotic need to be liked It's something I'm working on.

Yeah, it probably is impossible not to like (or dislike) some clients more than others.

Cool! I think it's sweet your T offered all that up. I wouldn't ask, either, but it's always nice to get a spontaneous compliment.

Glad it's working out!

Good point. I think I read somewhere that some therapists prefer the "difficult" clients--they're more interesting, more challenging, and it gives the T an ego-boost to succeed with clients that other T's have kicked to the curb. Not sure how I feel about that.

The "favorite" might shift from day to day or clients might be "favorites" in different ways. Like client A is agreeable and pleasant and a welcome break on a difficult day, but sometimes seems a little boring compared to client B who challenges and makes T think.

Sweet!

I struggle with this a little bit, too. I don't know if I need to be "the favorite," but I've always wanted to be likable and find myself being less-than-honest because it wouldn't be "polite" to do otherwise. I've also realized I've just enough arrogance and need to be special that I flatter myself thinking I'm "different" than the usual client base at the location I visit--better educated, more articulate, blah blah blah. It's weird to realize something like that about yourself I wonder if everybody does it to some extent.

Nicely put. I agree that a good T would use that information to help the client. At least, I hope my T doesn't think "Lord, Argo is boring. I really don't look forward to these sessions." And that it would look something more like, "Weird, I find myself a little bored talking to Argo today. It doesn't seem like talking about X is very interesting to her. She's more interesting when talking about Y and Z. I should recommend she spend more time doing Y and Z." Or, you know, whatever.

Neat. Does that evoke anything in you, out of curiosity? Do you have strong feelings about how you are to work with when you're stable? Do you find it flattering or anything like that?

I think I've read that before, and it wouldn't surprise me. In any profession you find people who like an intellectual challenge and people who'd rather have a low-key, easy-sailing work week, right?

Weird--I hadn't even thought about the analogy to teaching. Yes (not super proud to admit it) but when I was teaching I liked some students better than others. They weren't always the "good" ones, either. I tried not to let it get in the way of my teaching and think I mostly succeeded.

I would also be freaked out if T told me I was "the favorite." It would be flattering, sure, but...just a bit much, I guess. I'd wonder about his ethics.

What do you mean about "type to have favorites"? What gives you that impression about her over and above other T's? Just out of curiosity.

Thanks for the responses!

Yes, they do.

Well, No. 2 and on-spec No. 3 are much more reserved emotionally and seem to try to keep some part of themselves apart from therapy. No. 1, not so much. She was all-in emotionally, all the time.

She also had a somewhat elastic sense of boundaries - not in a bad way necessarily, just in an annoying way. And once I got the dreaded "I've never done this with any other client" statement.

So between the emotionalism and the seeming lack of self-control, I wouldn't be surprised if she had favorite clients. But perhaps the others do too and are just better at maintaining the therapeutic mask.

Yeah, that makes sense. I see what you mean.

"I've never done this with any other client" would weird me out. It would strike me as some ham-fisted attempt to make me feel special. And I'm not sure I'd want to be the guinea pig for a new technique, either.

i would suspect that they do. as far as being my Ts favorite, i dont know. i think he enjoys working with everyone for the most part. i do feel a bit special since i am his longest client , ( 5+ years). when he resigned from the residential treatment center that he was the clinical director of, and i was his patient there, he called me and told me he was resigning but that he will see me in his new private practice and he wouldnt abandon me. he didnt offer that to anyone else. so i felt special to him.

I think it would only be logical that they would have favorites and not so favorites. Just human nature.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think they do. Or they have at least clients who they like a bit more than other clients.
If you're in group therapy or in-patient, you can see how some T's treat one client different than an other client. I've seen it.

I was talking to my T about this. There was some stuff that upset me and I told her I want to be her favorite.
When we discussed my thoughts/feelings furthur, she said something like ''I don't know if T's even have favorite'' I don't know how a favorite would look like''. Something like that.
My T didn't say if she has s favorite clients. She talked a bit around the subject. Saying things like all clients are different and that's what makes my job so fun/interesting, if all clients would be ''easy'' and just say what's on their mind, that would make her job too easy and not really challanging.

She said something like that. My T would say if she has favorites. I doubt that. She must like some clients more than other clients. She's a human (as far as I know). Maybe she avoided that because I'm not her favorite and she doesn't want to lie? Or she has been teach to not express her opinion about the client to the client?

One of my thoughts was ''if she would really dislike me, she wouldn't have ask me to come with her to her new workplace''. Her reaction to that was: ''I think a T, so not me but just in general, I think a T would ask someone they really dislike to move as the only client with them to their new workplace''. So my T doesn't say what she thinks, no she talk about T's in general. So annoying. But I'm a bit too afraid to aks ''but what do YOU think?''.

I want to be my T's favorite, or at least one of the clients she likes most. I've been her longest clients. I moved with her to her new workplace, twice. She's my favorite and best T. I want to be her current favorite client. It would hurt if I would find out that I'm nothing other than a paycheck to her. I'm already doubting if she even cares. She does a good job as a T, but does she cares about me? Even a little bit? I'm also wondering if she isn't getting sick of me. Lately I've been having a bit more ''feelings'' towards her. Being agry because she's a bit late because of the client before me. Thought I was more angry at the client than at T. And now I've anger towards her, but I haven't express it yet. If I do, I'm worried she will get enough of me and doesn't want to take me back after she comes back from maternityleave (if I want her back, I don't know that yet).

I think they do have favorites. I doubt I'm one of my T's favorites, but I also don't think she dislikes me. It would be awesome if I was one of her favorites, or to know that she looked forward to seeing me each time. I think she has said that she looked forward to seeing me when we were talking on the phone a couple of times, but I don't know if she really meant that or if it was just a thing to say at the end of a conversation. I just hope she doesn't dread our sessions.

I'm sure they do. I just hope they are professional enough to work equally with each client. I'm a teacher and I always have favorite students. sometimes it's hard to work with the "tough" students, but I have to be a professional and give them the same attention as my other students - sometimes even more.