[Monk_]

Not sure if this is a normal concern or not. My T and I have quite a good rapport, and we usually keep in contact via her number [to schedule sessions]. I've seen multiple references of associating with T's via e-mail on this forum, so I figured having their email was in the norm. For those members here that do talk to their T's via email, few questions:

Do you use it to set up appointment times or to talk? (Because I thought excessive contact outside the office was unethical/breaking boundaries) Do/did you have other methods of contact for them to start with? If email exchanges are a regular thing, how did this start occurring?

Anyway, reason I'm bringing this up is because people don't have the same number forever, and I'm an anxious person. They do usually keep the same email, though, which is why I want my hers, just in case anything goes wrong on my end or her end. I don't want to spill all this out to her though, as I imagine it might come off as being borderline clingy. How should I ask my T for email considering I already have her #?

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Monk_

Not sure if this is a normal concern or not. My T and I have quite a good rapport, and we usually keep in contact via her number [to schedule sessions]. I've seen multiple references of associating with T's via e-mail on this forum, so I figured having their email was in the norm. For those members here that do talk to their T's via email, few questions:

Do you use it to set up appointment times or to talk? (Because I thought excessive contact outside the office was unethical/breaking boundaries) Do/did you have other methods of contact for them to start with? If email exchanges are a regular thing, how did this start occurring?

Anyway, reason I'm bringing this up is because people don't have the same number forever, and I'm an anxious person. They do usually keep the same email, though, which is why I want my hers, just in case anything goes wrong on my end or her end. I don't want to spill all this out to her though, as I imagine it might come off as being borderline clingy. How should I ask my T for email considering I already have her #?

I use email to communicate with my therapist. After the third or fourth session I asked her if it would be okay to email and she assured me that it would be. There are boundaries in place meaning that she won't always respond, her responses are usually brief and she doesn't do therapy via email. Despite all of that I think emailing benefits me, there is continuity. I would ask your therapist if she is okay with it and go from there...😊

[Pennster]

It might be good even to tell your therapist you are worried she will change her phone number, even if you think it does sound clingy. (I find it helpful to share out these thoughts, and figure my therapist can help me more the more he knows, though I realize that's not the approach for everyone!)

I do think even if she does change her number, you will probably be able to find her new one online - she's running a business so it's in her interest to let people get in touch.

I do use email, and it's been useful for me - I usually tell him I don't need a reply, because I know he gets deluged by mail and keeping up with email correspondence is not one of his strengths! I initially contacted him by email and his email address is on his website so getting it was never an issue.

Not all therapists allow email/texts. Mine never have and I am glad for that. As far as I seen around here, too much of the time emails/texts are a good way to miscommunicate what you are trying to say and an even better way to misinterpret what you receive.

Personally, save the important stuff for session or phone calls where you can hear voice inflection and ask immediate questions. Emails are better saved for very innocuous communication such as scheduling, etc.

[ruh roh]

I email my therapist and it's worked out just fine. No drama on either side. It's been very helpful. Her email is public (on her website) so there was no issue of asking her for it. I would not go by what people on pc declare to be a truth for everyone. Just talk to your therapist directly and ask. I would assume if he/she doesn't have one that's public that they probably don't like to use it. But it doesn't hurt to ask.

I email with my T typically once or twice between weekly sessions. Initially, we had an agreement that it would be better not to communicate via email because I used to have an issue overdoing personal emails at the expense of other things for years prior. But then just kept exchanging a message here and there in a limited way that we both recognize and accept now I think. Most of the emails are very brief (especially his) and many are about scheduling or insurance, but sometimes I send longer ones (most often after a session) with feedback or extra thoughts I have. It's good to have contact just for the sake or it even, but I am very happy that I don't have a desire to do any more email after those years of my crazy adventures in the virtual world with all kinds of people. My therapist is quite responsive in a modest style that I like, he seems to have a good sense of when to respond and how.

I also suggest that you discuss the topic with your T the way you brought it up here. I think in general talking about our needs is a better approach in therapy than experiencing or acting it out in ways that are hurtful and then hide in silence.

[Chummy]

My T gave her email to me. I think it was because it would might be easier for me to tell things in an email instead of talking. And then we could talk about in session. I don't use it a lot. I'm afraid I will bother her too much. So I don't know how much email is actually allowed. I use it sometimes when I want to tell her something, but I'm too afraid to say it in session.
If a want to cancel or change an appointment, then I would use the Phone.
My T's emailaddress is a work email. When she started working at an other angency, she got a new email. I don't know if she still check that other email, just in case.

All the previous T's didn't had an email or if they had then they didn't gave it to me.

[doogie]

I would just ask if she has an email she uses to correspond with clients. You could just ask generally. She will either say yes or no. If she says yes, then she will give it to you, if no, well, then she must not email clients and only use phone calls to communicate. I've seen both kinds of Ts. The one who didn't email just didn't have a public email that she shared with clients. Good luck having this conversation. I don't think that emailing you T is necessarily the "norm". I think it just depends on the T.

[AnxiousGirl]

I use email for both talking and scheduling.

When I started therapy a year ago, after a few sessions I realized that I'm holding in a lot of important information that could be beneficial. So one day, after a session, I emailed my T and asked if it was okay to use emailing as a way to get these important thoughts off my chest. My T was delighted I even asked. So for maybe 5 months out of the year I've been going, I used emailing a lot because certain things happened and I needed T in that moment. My T never ever minds it and after every session, even now, says that if anything comes up to email. I haven't emailed in a while about my thoughts but I do email about scheduling and T does the same.

You can always ask about it like I did. My T did give me the cell number for a certain occasion but once it was over I never really used it because my T never said that I could call on that number or not.

[Lauliza]

I would just ask her how she can be reached out of session if needed. I think most Ts are available over email for at least scheduling issues but there are always exceptions. You have every right to ask either way - it is not intrusive at al if that's a concern. If she has an email you can ask if she follows any sort of protocol. Generally you can email a T anything you want - the question is what kind of response you'll get. Some Ts don't respond but rather print the message and put it in your file to discuss in the next session. Some email a short reply saying that they'd rather discuss in session. Some will reply consistently and at great length.

My T and pdoc are in the same practice and respond very differently. T actually doesn't respond at all (she doesn't seem to check them or she forgets) and my pdoc usually responds but always via a phone call. Confidentiality can be an issue also, so if your T is with an agency or group practice it's likely emails are filtered through their secretarial staff before they even see it. That is a question to ask as well if she doesn't tell you (which she should) and may determine what you'd use email for.

[junkDNA]

i email my T. he tells me to email him my thoughts about certain things that we discuss, so we can talk about it more after i process it more in my own time. i dont know how it got started cuz we started working together over 5 years ago... i probably just emailed him one day and then that was it. i also text him. he usually doesnt respond to my emails but i know he reads them. he responds more to my texts.

[Ellahmae]

My T does not do email with her clients and she only texts with a select few.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I email my T. I asked her if I could first session. We have some rules: no emailing on the weekend, I'm not allowed to write a novel, her responses will be limited.

If you just want her email to remain in contact, I don't think that will be a huge issue.

[velcro003]

I originally contacted my T through the psychology today website, and she e-mailed me back with her openings (from a personal email account).
I'm not sure exactly when it was, but soon in therapy, I called her because I was feeling terrible, and told her I felt bad for calling her in between sessions. She said it was fine, that people called and e-mailed her all the time. Since then, I use it sometimes to process a session, or if I'm having a bad day. I don't necessarily LIKE feeling dependent on her (at all), but she continuously reassures me that it is ok. She said that I process things by writing (as does she), and she always reads them even if she doesn't always respond (though she usually does).

I'm always scared I will crash into a boundary and annoy the ever-living s**t out of her. A few weeks ago, I had talked to her on the phone for a few minutes, but later that night felt so much worse, so I e-mailed, and then called her. I HATED myself the next day, and told her I felt so bad about all that contact. She said it is ok, that she knows when I do contact her, I am struggling; she just worries that if she can't write or email back (bc:life), that will feel worse.

That was reassuring, though.

[unlockingsanity]

My T offered email early on since he knew I led a pretty isolated life.

We use it for scheduling and talking about therapy issues.

I'm not sure how one would ask for an email when it hasn't been offered. Why do you want it? To talk about difficult things you can't say in person? You could ask to email that info instead, I suppose.

I would definitely ask about the boundaries of contacting your T out of session and what you can expect in terms of any responses. It's much easier to find this out at the beginning than trying to figure it out as you go and get hurt in the process.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I email my T. Its a work email for her that is on her website. If I want to handle scheduling issues then I call. I mainly use email to let her know how I am doing and to send a session recap (how the session went). She has said she won't do therapy through email and she does take 2-3 days to respond. So there are rules. She replies to them but only a brief response and there is usually 2 days before I get a response.

I think email is great for getting something off your chest or if its easier to write something you are struggling with talking about. The down side is my T and I have had a few misunderstandings with email that is frustrating and would not have happened if it had been talked about in session. I prefer a phone call if I am really struggling. Its more comforting for me to hear her voice then to read words.

[retro_chic]

I would email my first two Ts sometime before each session with all the things I wanted to talk about because I had a hard time opening up fully during session and that was slowing down my progress. With the first T I actually just guessed her email - she worked at a private practice and there was a general email address that would go through to the receptionist and I just edited that with my T's name and it went through. She asked me how I got her email so I had to tell her that I just guessed it because I didn't want to send personal stuff to the receptionist. She didn't seem to mind and let me email her before each session. My next T was at the same practice and I told her that I had been emailing my previous T before sessions and she said I can continue to do that with her if I need to so I did.

My current T said that I could email her if I need to after our first session but I don't know if that was just because there was a three week gap until my next session (because of Christmas). I didn't emailed her though. As far as organising appointments, I just do that at the end of our session each week. If I need to change it or cancel I will email her. She only works two days a week I believe so calling her on her days off wouldn't be appropriate.

I got my therapist email from her business card. She writes future appointments on them. She also has a website, but I didn't know that early on.

I know more people that change email addresses than phone numbers.

[iheartjacques]

Mine says all contact is through the practice office. So. Yeah it's hard sometimes.