[secretgalaxy]

So I love my T, I have been with her for 6-7 years. I have been in a PHP program where they teach DBT and I love it. I really want to get a DBT T to help me out with my illness. My current T is amazing but she doesn't know how to help me (she didn't tell me this, I can just tell) and I feel like it is wasting her's and mine time. How do I tell her that I want a new T, if I can find one?

[atisketatasket]

"You may disagree, but I think we've gone as far as we can together. I really appreciate all you've done for me, but I feel that I need to move on. I'm looking for a DBT therapist. Can you recommend anyone?"

Or that's what I would say anyway.

I haven't made it that far yet. I recently started seeing a new T, just to try her out, and have not told old T about it yet. I feel a bit guilty not having said anything, but given our past, I'm quite sure she would get a little defensive if she knew, so I'm not ready to tell her yet. When the time is right, I will.

I'd just tell her. If you let her know how much you appreciate all the work she's done with you over the past 6 or 7 years and even give her a few examples of areas you feel she's helped you with, she won't be angry. She might be a little sad to see you go, but if she's as compassionate and caring as you feel she is, she'll probably be glad that you have grown but feel the need for a new treatment angle. AND if you're right about her feeling that she is struggling in the area of helping you, she might actually be relieved that you see the need to move on and continue to grow.

As for finding a DBT therapist, ask the staff at the PHP program. They'll know who in your area is trained and working effectively with DBT techniques. Good luck and it's good to hear that you are feeling so positive about the program you were in!

[Eliza Jane]

I have a similar, but slightly different situation. I have seen my T for about the same amount of time and I just think the world of her. She was actually the one who brought up finding a new T because our work together has plateaued. I met with someone else and I am about to make the leap after a session or two more with "my" T. I bring this up because perhaps your T is thinking something similar; that you'd be better served by someone else, but doesn't know how to bring it up. She might be relieved to have you bring it up! She might be much more accepting and okay with it than you'd imagine.

Good luck. It is really hard to say goodbye after so long!

Best,
EJ