[confusedbyself]

I was wondering if anyone has done exercises to 'connect' to their 'inner child' in sessions and how it went.

My t said we are going to do that and all I can think about is how I want NOTHING to do with a 'young' me and absolutely hate the idea. I don't want to refuse the work but each time I think about it, I want to scream NO, KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME!

I am aware enough to know that this is probably connected with my self hatred, but had anyone else started inner child work and hated that kid?

If so, how did your t take it and did it change?

Yes I did feel no empathy for the kid when my first therapist suggested inner child work. My therapist became exasperated with my lack of care for my younger self. It was like he thought self-empathy would be automatic and didn't have a clue what to do when it wasn't forthcoming. I found his response invalidating and didn't find it useful.
When my second therapist asked me what I felt about inner child work (yes, asked me, not told me we should) I told him I didn't like it or find it useful and we didn't do it. We've done lots of other stuff that I have found useful and we work really well together. (I now do empathise with my younger self, without any inner child work) It wouldn't be that way if he didn't respect my wishes.
I would talk to your T about your feelings, and try to work out whether your resistance is because you are fearful of something which needs to be addressed, or whether you feel the technique truly isn't for you. If it's the latter, a good T will respect that.

[Out There]

I haven't done this but skirt around the issue a lot. Consciously I know I do need to go there but don't want to. Hopefully other members can advise more. Wish you well.

[cinnamon_roll]

Hi there,

about 1 or 2 years ago, I would have run away screaming if any T had mentioned inner child work... It just didn't make sense to me, and was far beyond what my (usually very rational) self was comfortable with.

This started to change when in session we suddenly started talking about different "parts" of me representing different aspects of my personality. Can't remember exactly how we got there, but at the time it felt ok. We talked about it for about 2 or 3 sessions, mainly about certain characteristics of those "parts" and their "individual" needs and what that means for me. And then we left it there. Which was fine.

I'm seeing an art therapist once a week as well as a "normal" (CBT-like) T. About 6 months ago suddenly a small child appeard in my pictures. Art T started to talk about this child. I was totally reluctant, even hostile. Art T asked whether this hostility is aimed at this child, and I think she was spot-on.

But since then this child has started to appear in pictures again and again. Which is kind of fascinating, since when I start the pictures I normally don't have any idea at all what will come out in the end. It's a very intuitive, "go-with-the-flow process" for me.

I find it difficult to feel anything positive for this child. I detest her, maybe even hate her. And she seems to be able to take it...

Slowly, very slowly (over months) somehow I have started to connect to that child. Very hesitant. Not directly but through other instances or symbols. It's hard, it's painful. Yet somehow my gut-feeling seems to "know" that this is helpful in the long run. Even though my rational self is still wondering sometimes what all this is about.

Both Art T and normal T have explained some things to me. This little "part" (or "parts") holding the traumatic stuff. And their needs taking over whenever I'm in "trauma mode" or in an emotional flashback. Which makes sense to me, since I tend to feel incredibly young whenever this happens. So in order to deal with those flashbacks it does make sense to me (by now) to look at this inner child (or children) and to connect with them, and to make sure that their needs are being met.
The hatred for the inner child? Seems to me that those are introjects - internalized authority figures from the past. Somehow we internalize their expectations, mainly in order to protect ourselves....

Just my experience. But from what you said about 'hating' your inner child, I know what you mean, and I'm still very reluctant to meet this inner child of mine with more self-compassion. And I'm very hard, unforgiving and critical of her.

If all this is to make any sense your T should not "force" this inner child stuff on you, that's not going to work. And quite often, when I'm too reluctant to talk about this stuff, or it's too difficult, or there just isn't any connection, we leave it there, and turn to other topics.
If your T is experienced in this sort of work they should be able to read and respect your cues with regard to this inner child work.
But I would encourage you to be open about it, I find this concept kind of helpful by now, even though I'm hating this "little" part of mine. And I would have never ever guessed 2 years ago that sometime in the future I would work with my inner child/children.

Maybe it would be helpful if you talked with your T about your thoughts and reservations on this matter?

[RedSun]

We don't do specific inner child work, but T talks about my 'child' and it's a way I work too, although slightly different theory...

I think it's emerged that I am aware of a younger part of me, aged around 6/7, and 'she' sometimes feels like she is in the room...T often refers to her being there or being felt, and we talk about issues from that time.
That's fine, I like that part, I like it that T can 'see' her.

However, I am also aware (and so is T) of a teenage age self that T often mentions. I hate this bit. I hate her, I don't want T to see her, I hate it when T says she feels compassion for her and wants to know her and hear her voice. I think that part is slutty, selfish, dirty...ugh.
I don't know how to even start. I think I shocked T a bit last session with my feelings about it.
So, I kind of understand a little what you say confusedbyself. But maybe the hardest, scariest work is the best work that we can do. Little by little.

[cinnamon_roll]

Another thing came to mind, that might be helpful in that context:

T once said to me, when we were talking about how difficult I find it to get a connection to those younger selves, that this self-hatred or self-loathing is me trying to protect myself from the intense feelings of loneliness, sadness, abandonment, or terror that those younger part/s experienced.
So in order for my "grown-up"/older/rational self not having to experience those strong emotions and in order to protect myself I unconsciously took to hating/devaluing that part of myself that holds those emotions.
Which might have been helpful, even life-saving at the time because it helped me to survive. But things have changed now, I can take care of myself, I'm independent from those I grew up with, so it might be time to question this need for self-protection from my own feelings... Which is a long, and slow process and takes time - just as it took a long time to build up those protections and self-defences.

[Sarah1985]

Originally Posted by confusedbyself

I was wondering if anyone has done exercises to 'connect' to their 'inner child' in sessions and how it went.

My t said we are going to do that and all I can think about is how I want NOTHING to do with a 'young' me and absolutely hate the idea. I don't want to refuse the work but each time I think about it, I want to scream NO, KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME!

I am aware enough to know that this is probably connected with my self hatred, but had anyone else started inner child work and hated that kid?

If so, how did your t take it and did it change?

Wow I could have written this myself!!

[stopdog]

For me, it would not matter what the therapist thought. If I think an approach is wrong or goofy, I just tell the therapist I won't do it.

[Perna]

I was much helped by Reading Richard Bach's (Jonathan Livingston Seagull fame) book, Running from Safety:

Running from Safety: An Adventure of the Spirit: Richard Bach

It's about his dialog with his inner child; very funny and heart warming.

[confusedbyself]

Thanks everyone. Glad to know that it isn't all that odd to feel this way.

I don't necessarily want to try to make him stop his line of treatment, but worried about what he is going to think or do if I say I hate whatever that whiney thing is, even/especially if it's me, and if my T thinks I am going to be all lovey to it. .... that is NOT happening .. grrrr

[Focus62]

Interestingly, my T had a sort of different view. She asked my adult self what my child thought of me. I recall saying that my inner child was very wary and that I could not get close to her. It was strange to kind of observe the child from afar...I did feel some empathy for her though, so we differ there.

I would try it and if it doesn't work, tell your T. It could be that you're not ready yet and you could come back to it another time, or you could just not do it at all.

I didn't do straight inner child work, in fact, we really only talked about it for a few sessions so I can't say I have a lot of experience. I just thought it was interesting that my T focused on the flip side of what my inner child thought of my adult self!

I never knew there was specific inner child work.

[confusedbyself]

Interesting focus62.. I guess I'm not sure what direction he is talking about actually. He just said we would be going to 'find her'.
My desire is to bring a baseball bat with me, but I'm thinking that isn't what he has in mind

Until I began to connect with that wounded child that I was and became her ally, my healing process wasn't progressing very much.

That child (Me!) was abandoned (emotionally) and abused (verbally, physically & sexually) by the very people (my toxic family of origin) that were supposed to nurture her and provide her with warmth, care, comfort, compassion ... And, a safe place (home) in which she would grow into a healthy adult.

My self hate and self loathing was ingrained in me by them before I was even old enough to have a chance to protest their unfair (at best) and criminal (at worst) treatment of that innocent, helpless child I was.

So you better believe that I BELIEVE in how important it is to do this Inner Child work that I think most of us are skeptical of at first, because until I started paying attention to that wounded child inside me that still cries out for love, validation, care and concern ... And, started actually giving her (myself) that, I was going nowhere fast in my healing and recovery process!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

http://forums.psychcentral.com/compl...ey-c-ptsd.html

[BayBrony]

Based on my t's reaction its not unusual to hate your inner child if you had childhood abuse. We tend to blame our child selves for what happened. We should have stood up, fought back etc....I loathed my inner child for a whole year as we did this work and she loathed me right back....and then I started to understand that my anger ought to be directed at the adults who were supposed to be protecting me...everything changes after that..

[Fuzzybear]

[insertname]

I think my response to such a suggestion would probably be that I'm not doing it, but for me that's because it sounds embarrassing and "deep".

I understand what you mean about not having compassion, though. I also find it hard to feel any pity toward my younger self. I think this is largely to do with embarrassment, though, because I don't see myself as "soft" (i.e. I don't need pity).

I don't think "inner child work" is needed. If you don't want to do it, don't. I feel I have been able to understand how young me must have felt just by thinking about it now and again and letting that filter through to me over the years so I now have more compassion for her. I don't think an actual exercise would have helped me, I think it would have put me off.