[growlycat]

For those of you who have had a "big secret" you kept from your therapist, has it ever worked out for you to just talk around it? Or does it all eventually lead to "the big reveal"?

Today I talked around my issues without having to reveal too much yet it seemed like a reasonably productive session. How long have you gone without directly talking about that certain something? Is it a sustainable way to conduct therapy?

[Argonautomobile]

I think it depends on your needs--everyone's different--but I also think there's a lot to be gained even in talking around an issue. I've certainly talked around the "Big Secret" and those were some of the most productive sessions I've ever had. I can totally see someone having the need to tell their whole story--go into details and let it all out--but I don't know that it's necessary for others. I'd say keep yourself in a window of relative comfort, let your T help guide you. There's no "right" way to do it.

[Out There]

I had something I was sort of " holding in " and thought if I said it the damn would just burst , like holding your finger in a dyke ( I didn't feel I could do that for the rest of my life ). I said to my T I would have to write it down - I would not be able to say it. But I did actually say it , the damn didn't burst but it did open " gates " to deeper stuff. And truly , I can't remember what I actually said.

[stopdog]

I have stopped worrying about it since I realized that the woman never understands what I am trying to say. Even when I directly say X.

[growlycat]

I do worry that directly saying X is so out of Sparky's frame of reference it may blow his mind. And lead him to the valley of unhelpfulness.

I have been hinting at the secret for about 3 years now, it has come to the point where this secret is slipping out in session and T even asked me point blank about it and I still denied it. Even though this secret is making my life hard. I know he knows but I still can't say it outright. I really don't know how to broach it..... Its making sessions hard as I try to cover it up, obviously unsuccessfully. I just want to tell him and not neccessarily do anything about it but I don't know if anything CAN be done about unless I tell T.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I can think of 2 times where there was a big thing that I talked around for quite some time before fessing up and saying here's what's going on.

One time was with my ED -- my T and I had touched on my eating habits and she called them disordered and I always just brushed it off until it got to the point where I was spiraling down very quickly and was ready to get help, so I wrote her a letter detailing everything from the start to where I was then, and that's how that got going. But I didn't get to that point until about 4 years into therapy even though we started talking about it by year 2 if not before. I made no progress on that, but therapy was still productive on other fronts.

The other time was when I actually lied, point blank to my T about who I was dating (T had said don't do it and we did anyway), and when we broke up and it wrecked me I told her stuff that was sort of true but completely hid what it actually was (for example, right after the breakup when I saw her I said I had a bad weekend because of a fight with a friend, but didn't say who the friend was or what the fight was about)...and that went on for awhile until I said hey, you know that fight I told you about? Yeah, that was actually me and X breaking up. I learned from that that lying to my T is a bad idea. Not only does it break her trust in me, it leads to nothing good or productive...and last week I think it was, my T actually straight up said don't lie to me, and this week we were talking about lying because my mom basically accused me of lying and my T asked if lying to her is something I have a problem with. I said no, but that it would be a lie to say I've never lied to her, and at the same time we said the thing about the relationship.

[atisketatasket]

I had a big secret that when I started therapy I had no intention of ever mentioning to a therapist. It was just fine the way it was in its little cupboard.

And then I got sick and that brought up memories of said big secret, which I got out in the midst of a major panic attack. We have spoken about it a few times since, but it's gone back in its little cupboard where it belongs.

I don't think talking about it helped at all. Especially since No. 1 then forgot key details about it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I tried to talk around my secret. The problen was that either the T didn't realize how serious it was or they thought it was something worse than what it was. Eventually, I felt like I was going to explode, I just wanted to tell her. And I did. Both ex-T and current T I told by writing it out and letting them read it.

For ex-T, I think she left me because of my secret

Current T is still here. She still hasn't grasped the entirety of my secret, according to her. But she knows most of it. I have talked to her about it in 3 different sessions? Even though she knows it, I still can't directly talk about it. We use like code words. She said one day she wants me to be able to say the words, but she didn't push. I think I have to be able to stand to hear it first.

So I guess in response, she knows what we're talking about, but we still talk around the issue.

[granite1]

i think my big secret is around my brother , i even believed at one point i slipped my T a few word sentence about it and she completely misunderstood the situation so i left it alone . she has recently asked me if i wanted to talk about my brother and has been gently encouraging me to do so but i still cant seem to do it . secrets are hard and talking with her directly seems near impossible.

[AnxiousGirl]

Ive been seeing my T for almost 2 years. The biggest reveal and productive session probably came about 2 weeks ago, and that still wasn't all of it.

I do however have a big reveal and the topic is in my last thread. I want to send an email to T revealing it so that we can finally be able to discuss it during our sessions but I'm freaking out. I want to send it before today but my fear is too high.

Honestly though, it takes time. You can have small sessions which help build trust and ground about the big reveal, then have a session where finally there is that big reveal. It just takes time.