Dependency and Love in therapy

That's so sweet, HP! I am extremely grateful for my therapist - I've had over a half-dozen before him, so I feel like I appreciate him extra-much because I know how many really bad therapists there are out there. He is the first one that ever really helped me.

I wish the best for you as well.

Perhaps it would be better to take this up privately? I think there is a private message part of this place?

To answer, yes, attachment has been proven through many studies. Regardless of the type of therapy, each person has an attachment style or mode of presentation. Some are lucky to have a secure attachment but many have different kinds of insecure. Then there is something called "earned secure," which happens either in therapy or in a close relationship.

All therapies have now recognized that attachment is fundamental, that it is how people relate interpersonally so it doesn't matter that where it originated or was studied or even has become its own kind of branch of therapy. It's there regardless.

I myself have earned secure from fear/avoidant. This is really important to understand because it tells me how I sometimes pretend to be not upset when I am, push away help, seem unaffected. But my body is just as upset and physically showing signs of distress. That is how the studies work. They measure the bodily responses plus micro-observations.

Any T who ignores the importance of attachment is simply wrong, out of date, behind the times, and that by itself is part of defining how the T might be negligent, not keeping up, not worthy of a license.

As far as transparency, I have already posted about how the idea of a blank slate is old-fashioned and sometimes dangerous. This again has been studied. The general results are that more openness, more self-disclosure is positive in outcome research.

There are whole schools and tons of books about how the self-disclosure of a T works, why, how, when to do it, when not. In general, people now recognize that there is a real relationship within the therapy relationship.

And if you are looking for universals, what I can say, which I've also posted elsewhere is that the common factors research shows that the relationship with the T is the second most important factor. The first is what the client brings in, even random things. Last is method. Repeat last is method or orientation.

Other studies show that people from very different types of training don't follow the set format but adapt and put the relationship first, their own person in the room, and work from there.

More to say, but too much for now

I just wanted to thank you for your knowledge in mentioning "earned secure"
I had not heard of this before and looked it up.
I have struggled in my adult life with believing I was not abused (despite much evidence and messed up relationship patterns) because in select relationships (,my wife, one close friend) I behave more like a securely attached person now that Yeats have gone by. Your statement gives me some peace that I am not crazy. My T doesn't focus on attachment as a topic so I'd never heard of this. Thank you

ETA: she doesn't ignore attachment, we just discuss it in terms of feelings/behaviors not with labels