[just2b]

Well I am a part in a DID system. If anyone has followed my threads I've posted a few about our T and how I feel about her. Last Thursday I had said the words, I love you. Then later only to say I am IN love with you. Since then been doing some thinking yet I am still unsure if its really IN love, and feel really conflicted. So decided to come out and see about talking to T about it. Host has been gone for two weeks now. I had said that I feel conflicted about my feelings, she then very bluntly asked if I am a lesbian? I disappeared quickly. And Anp came out and she asked the ANP if she was noticing anything, and she said just a strong urge to run! And it was very uncomfortable so anp left. There was about 15 min left of session. Later get a text from T asking to please come back at 130. And that she was very sorry for being so blunt. I texted back before ANP could, and said not coming in Thursday and maybe won't until we know Host is back. All she said was okay. I ve been struggling for a while with how I feel about T, and tried to tell her in an email and on Jan 29 I wrote her. Her response was if I can't tolerate my feelings in this therapeutic relationship, then maybe it's time to refer host to another therapist, or to go deep inside and not influence because my feelings seem to be toxic to Host and system. This was a summary no exact words but close. I just feel so pushed aside. That my feelings don't matter because the Host doesn't feel the same way, so f%ing what! I hate T so much right now, and never want to see her again, but feel so hurt by her judgement, I am so confused. I am not even sure what I feel. The fact is she never really let me say, and I feel when I do, she dismisses my feelings. Partly I want to deep inside never to be heard from again, and partly, I want to see her Thursday. The How has been gone due to what I said to T, Host had warned me not to say anything, but I didn't care. Now she hasn't returned. In a way, I tried to apologize today, but T said what she did and ...I guess I am just really bothered by this and don't know what to do. I want to leave but I don't. Think as long as I am out Host won't come back. Things are falling apart as I don't care to do any of the daily functioning stuff, like school, chores, and such. So I guess I see Ts side too, that I am toxic...but it makes me feel worse. Knowing your toxic and need to go away! Do I have any rights as a part in a DID system? What's your take on this situation?

[AllHeart]

I have no idea about the workings of DID so I may be way off base here. If so, I'll apologize now. From an outsider's perspective, I would think you and all parts have rights within the DID system. As I see it, collectively, you all make up ONE entire person. Altogether with host you make the person a whole. So how could each and every one of you not have rights? You're all in it together. You all need to find a way to work together to resolve differences that exist in order to find acceptable solutions that are agreeable to everyone, and best for the "whole" person.

If Host and other parts are just up and taking off, then are you able to step in and take charge? Meaning, if you want to go to see your t on Thursday then just make the decision to go. Maybe that's a good way to start exercising your rights. Take charge while others off avoiding. They may respect and thank you for it in the end.

[stopdog]

You might get more response on the DID sub forum:
Dissociative Disorders - Forums at Psych Central

[CantExplain]

Any idea why HOST is AWOL? Does that happen a lot?