[Hopelesspoppy]

Does any shrink conclude the therapeutic (or whatever) relationship with kindness, compassion, and ownership? My experience has been denial, projection and passive aggressive behavior, my feelings be damned.
It always felt it ironic that if I were to ever go to him describing the same relationship as ours, but with someone else, he would have jumped all over it. That seems to be the impression that I get from all of your here.
Anyone have a good and healthy "break-up" story to share?

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

It always felt it ironic that if I were to ever go to him describing the same relationship as ours, but with someone else, he would have jumped all over it.

I have thought this so many times about how my therapist handled things last year. My new therapist was so disgusted SHE wanted to file a complaint. Funny how these same people who tell us we can't accept this kind of treatment from others are just fine doling it out to us.

I have had endings that would have been good, except it wasn't me who made the choice to end (public sector), and I was still really vulerable and in pain, and terrified to be alone, so they ended up hurting really badly. But this one in particular never tried to shane me or blame me, but did (unintentionally) hurt me by pulling sway my support in the middle of a really bad time.

Oddly, the best ending I ever had, came from a recent therapist who told me it was her responsibility to insist that I be referred up because I wasn't safe in weekly therapy and needed something more intensive. It was hard and hurt, but I do know I was in danger and I did need more support. She also spoke to me more kindly and gently than any therapist I've ever had.

My las three terminations were excellent, and I have suffered no negative after effects, neither have the therapist. The first two were Jungian, and that's not the therapy for me. They were kind, compassionate, ethical, and nonjudgmental.

My last therapist I was with for 18 months, and we did existential therapy, with a focus on attachment style. At the outset, she told me it should take a max 18-24 months. I thought she was full of doggy doo-doo, and I was unwilling to spend a decade or the rest of my life in therapy, but decide to throw caution to the wind. I knew she was wrong. She did not know me. I was a handful, and she would kick me to the curb, even though I had longer term therapies previously, and that did not happen. I was in my 50's and still whining about not having the perfect childhood, and had no growth in my life after the previous therapies.

I saw this therapist as much as I wanted 3-5 sessions a week and 2-3 1/2 hours each sessions. One month I saw her everyday, just because that's what I wanted before I flew home to be with my FOO. She was my jet fuel. I had unlimited emails and phone calls.

She is not a believer in hospitals or that she can stop a suicidal person who is determined to die, and we had an agreement that she would NEVER call the police on me. As bad as it got sometimes she kept her promise. She understood for me that I had to get to the point of wanting to live for the sake of living. If she had interfered I'm sure I would be six feet under by now, even if it was accidentally. I never did anything to compromise my life while I was with her, except talk and verbally rage away. Her methods worked.

18 months later, we ended with a bunch of gag gifts to her, one, a vampire pacifier. Now we are 2plus years post termination, and we are friends. We don't see each other much, email or phone, because I am out accomplishing my young adult goals at the age of 55. But, when we connect, I get to talk to a dear friend. No inequality in our friendship whatsoever. The suicide parrot that sat on my shoulder 24/7 has long gone.

[clairelisbeth]

I terminated with my 2nd therapist to switch to my current therapist about 5 years ago. He was a nice enough man, I just wasn't making progress with him. He was compassionate, nonjudgmental, and said that the door was always open should I want to come back.

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I've ended amiably with all three therapist and also with my pdocs. Never had a problem.

[scorpiosis37]

Yes, I had a positive termination with my T in December. She gave up her practice, so she had to terminate with all clients. She sat next to me and cried, saying that she loved me and was so sorry that she had to terminate (without warning) because of circumstances outside her control. It was difficult to give her up as my T, but we have become friends. We see each other about once every three weeks (in fact I saw her today), and it feels like seeing a good friend. I feel incredibly lucky that she has remained in my life. If she ceased all contact after our last session (as many therapists do), I think I would feel very differently.

Anyone have a good and healthy "break-up" story to share?

I've had several good endings with both therapists and psychiatrists. Outside of health services, I have stayed friends with ex-boyfriends and my ex-husband; even fixed them up with women when I broke up with them. At one point, I became best friends with my ex-husband's ex-wife. Maybe that's a good one to share...

I say this because with your question, I just realized that the only difficult endings have been those who I was intensely attached to, like my T I just ended with and my last long-term bf. Intensely as in constant longings and actual belly pain from being apart, among other things.

For those I was intensely attached with, it was one psychiatrist who I had to quit seeing because of physical relocation. We still keep in touch, so that really wasn't a goodbye, I suppose?

[stopdog]

I have not had bad endings with the two I saw previously. One I became friends with and one I just stopped because they sucked - but the ending was just me saying no to another appointment and walking out - it wasn't bad at all.

[feralkittymom]

My T was forced to retire because of ill health, so although it wasn't my choice, I was ready. He did everything possible to make it the best for me he could. We've stayed in touch, mostly via e-mail as we don't live near each other, over many years and maintain a deep fondness for each other.

I've been thinking a whole, whole lot lately about endings with current t. I want it to be a good ending. We haven't talked about it lately though.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I've been thinking a whole, whole lot lately about endings with current t. I want it to be a good ending. We haven't talked about it lately though.

Endings reflect the relationship as it has been: Art, how could your ending not be good?

[Rose76]

I've come to believe that the average therapist is no better at being honest and non-defensive than the average anybodyelse. They're just people . . . like the rest of us.

I've had therapists get really inappropriately defensive when I raised the concern that therapy was not really helping me. Always, it's the client who isn't doing it right.

I came to the following conclusion about how to end therapy that seems to be going nowhere: You just say, "Thank you so much for all you've helped me to understand. I'm so glad that I now have a much better handle on things. I'll be sure to come back, if I feel like I need to work some more on my issues." Then walk out the door and don't look back. At least you'll leave with an image in your mind of the therapist smiling aprovingly at you.

[missbella]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I came to the following conclusion about how to end therapy that seems to be going nowhere: You just say, "Thank you so much for all you've helped me to understand. I'm so glad that I now have a much better handle on things. I'll be sure to come back, if I feel like I need to work some more on my issues." Then walk out the door and don't look back. At least you'll leave with an image in your mind of the therapist smiling aprovingly at you.

Had I fawned, flattered and worshipped them, and lied, I would have saved myself so much of their emotional battering. People as fragile, volatile and delusional as my therapists should have been handled carefully.

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

Endings reflect the relationship as it has been: Art, how could your ending not be good?

Thank you for that.

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[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

Does any shrink conclude the therapeutic (or whatever) relationship with kindness, compassion, and ownership? My experience has been denial, projection and passive aggressive behavior, my feelings be damned.
It always felt it ironic that if I were to ever go to him describing the same relationship as ours, but with someone else, he would have jumped all over it. That seems to be the impression that I get from all of your here.
Anyone have a good and healthy "break-up" story to share?

Except for the last one, each of the endings I have had has been basically a non-event. I just stopped because nothing much was happening.

The one that ended badly 1.5 yrs ago had an ending that was characterized by denial, defensiveness, erratic behavior, shifting reasoning, blaming, and with a little bit of honesty given reluctantly. She was kind and compassionate only when she was in control of the narrative.

[RedSun]

My ending with prev T was fine. Good, boundaried, thanks on both sides...

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by BudFox

Except for the last one, each of the endings I have had has been basically a non-event. I just stopped because nothing much was happening.

The one that ended badly 1.5 yrs ago had an ending that was characterized by denial, defensiveness, erratic behavior, shifting reasoning, blaming, and with a little bit of honesty given reluctantly. She was kind and compassionate only when she was in control of the narrative.

Mine was all of the above with the added joys of dishonesty, passive-aggressive behavior, insults, and in the end, annoyance and indifference. Always with a deflection or excuse when I called him on it. He didn't have the guts to be honest, though he knew damn well I could have handled it.