[granite1]

so today i feel so horrible . i did not talk to my T about my brother and she didnt push e either but i did talk about some stuff and am left again feeling like a horrible human. i talked to much and i also think again that my T was mortified by what i was saying and again how i was behaving . i let her see the true me and again i think she was shocked by it . stupid me . now all i want is to beat the crap out of myself . i talked to much ,said horrible things. her words are sticking in my head, greedy ,horrible. everything spills over . i dont have a place in this world .people are fake they lie to me. not to be trusted at all but then i feel so alone .

[JaneTennison1]

I'm sorry everything is so difficult. Have you thought that your T may not think those bad things you imagine she does? Can you check in with her and see?

[stopdog]

Granite - did the therapist actually say you were greedy and horrible or is that what your mother said?
It seems like you get swamped by shame and that sends you spiraling to thinking horrible things are true where the external evidence does not lead to that conclusion (to me it seems that could be an explanation - I could be very wrong).

So Shame is what I think it would be named

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Granite - did the therapist actually say you were greedy and horrible or is that what your mother said?
It seems like you get swamped by shame and that sends you spiraling to thinking horrible things are true where the external evidence does not lead to that conclusion (to me it seems that could be an explanation - I could be very wrong).

So Shame is what I think it would be named

Yes, agreed with Stopdog. Can you tell us what your T said or did? I am SO proud and glad you were able to show her more of how you really feel inside. I have a feeling she wasn't shocked and doesn't think you greedy or horrible. It is SO SO hard to release your inner demons and trust someone won't react the same way your mother/family shamed/abused you. Those scripts are buried deep in your psyche, but the only way to rid all of this horribleness you feel is to keep letting it out in therapy, and keep going back and reality testing that your T doesn't hate you or feel like you are an awful greedy monster.

You are doing it, and I am so sorry it is so hard. But, I see so much progress. I am happy for you!

[Fuzzybear]