[monkeybrains21]

It's not like I'm embarrassed or anything but I just find it odd. My T really asks about my sex life. She asks how often and other such things as do I think about old gfs or do images of assaults come up. I mean I guess I get it, I'm just not used to being so open about my sex life with my wife. Especially not with a T I actually do find attractive.

Has anyone else experienced this?

[atisketatasket]

No. 1 would ask about the quality of marital sex and flashbacks to an old assault. She didn't get into stuff like how often (I volunteered that).

I don't think it's atypical to ask such things but if you went to therapy for something different, it would be odd.

[ChipperMonkey]

It seems weird. Are you in therapy for sexual trauma?

Even if you are, its pushing boundaries to be so invasive into something so personal. If you don't want to talk about it, tell her point blank that the topic is off limits.

Are you having sexual issues? Is this why you started going to therapy? If not, then its odd for a therapist to be asking you about your sex life.

Some things should be kept private between partners. If there are no sexual issues, you're essentially selling out the intimacy you have with your wife. You're taking private moments that are special between the two of you and discussing them with someone else.

If my partner and I had no sexual issues yet he was discussing our sex life with a therapist, you bet I'd be mad. Certain things are sacred.

All T knows about my sex life is how many people I have slept with. Not going any deeper than that!

[monkeybrains21]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

It seems weird. Are you in therapy for sexual trauma?

Even if you are, its pushing boundaries to be so invasive into something so personal. If you don't want to talk about it, tell her point blank that the topic is off limits.

Are you having sexual issues? Is this why you started going to therapy? If not, then its odd for a therapist to be asking you about your sex life.

Some things should be kept private between partners. If there are no sexual issues, you're essentially selling out the intimacy you have with your wife. You're taking private moments that are special between the two of you and discussing them with someone else.

If my partner and I had no sexual issues yet he was discussing our sex life with a therapist, you bet I'd be mad. Certain things are sacred.

I never thought I had sexual issues. I was very promiscuous when I was single. Now I'm married and it's all about my wife. I have had multiple sexual traumas as well as havi to bear witness to sa. My T thinks it's odd that I have no desired I have my wife touch me but I am more than willing to please her.

[junkDNA]

my male T ( i am female) has asked me questions about sex... like when i lost my virginity , if i used protection, how i feel during sex mentally, how i feel about sex in general. i have sexual trauma so i think it's relevant for me. could you tell your T that it makes you uncomfortable? maybe youre not ready to go there yet

[nottrustin]

Unless it is directly related to something you are discussing it is extremely odd. My T asked how often I am intimate with hubby but only because I told her I have no desire (can't use the sex word with her for some stupid reason). She also asked if intimacy caused flashbacks and when the problems with intimacy started for me.

[monkeybrains21]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

my male T ( i am female) has asked me questions about sex... like when i lost my virginity , if i used protection, how i feel during sex mentally, how i feel about sex in general. i have sexual trauma so i think it's relevant for me. could you tell your T that it makes you uncomfortable? maybe youre not ready to go there yet

It doesn't make me uncomfortable. If anything it makes me curious as to y. She's never asked me about protection. She has asked me what I visualize when I have sex or when I masterbate I haven't a clue. Since I usually just work on making my wife happy. I have no desire for myself to be satisfied except the occasional few times a year. If anything I'm more an asexual lesbian Han anything g if that is anything. Hmmm.....

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by monkeybrains21

It doesn't make me uncomfortable. If anything it makes me curious as to y. She's never asked me about protection. She has asked me what I visualize when I have sex or when I masterbate I haven't a clue. Since I usually just work on making my wife happy. I have no desire for myself to be satisfied except the occasional few times a year. If anything I'm more an asexual lesbian Han anything g if that is anything. Hmmm.....

that is weird to me that she wants to know what you fantasize about. that would make me uncomfortable

My T does ask specific questions about sex sometimes. Never intrusively, but typically if there is a topic that involves themes of sex or if he has an association, he brings it up in a simple way and lets me talk as much as I want about it. I don't have insecurities talking about sex, more the opposite, it's a topic I am interested in, so it's never unwelcome. He also asked me about my erotic transference fantasies recently (ET to him is sort of new in our relationship) and I look forward to discussing it in more detail in the near future to hopefully uncover more meaning in them and see what we can do with this phenomenon in my therapy.

My opinion is that no topic is weird in therapy but a good therapist will be sensitive to the patient's feelings and how open they are in the moment, and they won't force anything. If any topic or question made me uncomfortable, I would probably bring it up to the T.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T and marriage counselor each only talk about sex if I'm (or my H, for MC) the first to bring it up. They let me lead in that area.

I could see your T asking about images of assaults if that's partly what you're in therapy to deal with, but it seems odd she'd ask about old girlfriends, unless you brought that up first. Like if one week you said, "I thought about my ex during sex with my wife," then a few weeks later you mentioned having sex, maybe she'd ask if you thought about the ex again.

Have you asked her why she's asking?

[ChipperMonkey]

Originally Posted by monkeybrains21

I never thought I had sexual issues. I was very promiscuous when I was single. Now I'm married and it's all about my wife. I have had multiple sexual traumas as well as havi to bear witness to sa. My T thinks it's odd that I have no desired I have my wife touch me but I am more than willing to please her.

Yes, but is it an issue for you or your wife? If not, then yes, it IS odd for her to be putting her two cents in. Essentially she's telling you that you're abnormal and that there is a problem. How dare she be creating issues for you?!?! If you don't want to be touched, then she should shut up and stop forcing her ideals on you.

I'm a SA survivor and I refuse to tell certain people about certain things because they would think I'm weird or abnormal or whatever. But the truth is that it is MY life and these are MY preferences. Others should stop seeking to further the victimization by trying to make me feel wrong for very real effects of abuse.

And she wants to know what you fantasize about? Weird beyond weird. I guess your shrink would think I'm a freak because I don't ever fantasize. Maybe I should bring it up in therapy because it must be abnormal.

[monkeybrains21]

Chipper

She's not pushing her ideals on me. It's not creating an issue between my wife and I. It's not that she wants to kno what I fantasize about its that she wants to kno if past assaults flash on me. I probably worded this all wrong and I apologize for that. I don't take issue with it and I don't see any boundaries crossed. I was just wondering if I'm abnormal by taking no issue talking about it.

She asked y I take issue with allowing my wife to touch me and I told her it was because the last time she did I freaked out hard core and had an issue stopping the panic that had taken over.

[CantExplain]

Freud taught that sex is always relevant, and that fantasy is an excellent window into the subconscious mind.

[ChipperMonkey]

Ok well if you have no issues this post is irrelevant and I have no idea why you're taking up everyone's time.

[monkeybrains21]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Ok well if you have no issues this post is irrelevant and I have no idea why you're taking up everyone's time.

If it's such a waste of time quit posting. In fact y don't u just leave PC? Obviously I'm a waste of time and should just be dead to stop wasting everyone's time.

Thank you so much for just being another person who believe anything and everything I say is irrelevant and a waste of time. Don't u ever comment on anything I post again if I ever do. U r so rude and insensitive to others as if u have no questions constantly bouncing around in ur head. If u don't then conratu****ulations! Ur better than me. Have a great life.

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Ok well if you have no issues this post is irrelevant and I have no idea why you're taking up everyone's time.

Way too harsh Chipper, MB didn't deserve that.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Originally Posted by monkeybrains21

Thank you so much for just being another person who believe anything and everything I say is irrelevant and a waste of time.

I am so sorry that you have had this experience in the world and on PC. Do you know that if you put someone on "ignore" they cannot post in the threads you start nor can you see any of their posts.

I don't think your thread or posts are irrelevant. You are pointing to a really important issue in SA that affects many survivors and most people are not brave enough to raise it. So thank you for that.

The answer about your therapist's interest in your sexuality may be that she is screening you for symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Sex triggers many survivors through sensory flashbacks, touch, smell, sight, etc. It sounds like what you experience when you panic during sex is a kind of flashback or another kind of "intrusive" memory about the prior abuse. This is really normal as you are healing and therapy can help with this a lot (it did for me).

I'd encourage you to talk to your T and just ask her about why she's asking these questions or say that you've been wondering why she asked these questions. I often answer my T's questions with a question about why she's asking, so much so that she hardly ever asks any more And then when she does, I tease her, "oooohhh, a direct question!"

There's a book that I found really helpful by Wendy Maltz, The Sexual Healing Journey. I worked with a former T using this book on my own and I stopped having flashbacks and other symptoms around sex and intimacy. It can get better. I wish you the best.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Ok well if you have no issues this post is irrelevant and I have no idea why you're taking up everyone's time.

When people follow a thread or post on it, they've decided to take up their own time.

It's not like the OP forced anyone into reading or commenting.

[bolair811]

MonkeyBrains21: I just wanted to give you a hug... I don't think you're a waste of time or irrelevant. What you say and feel has value and I will welcome reading your posts. I'm not really sure how to answer your original question, but I've come to realize that if there's confusion or worry or uncomfortable feelings in the therapeutic alliance, the best thing you can do is talk about it. It's good to get input here, but I think the best way to resolve the question is to talk honestly with your T. Hope that makes sense!

[monkeybrains21]

For those who were nice in answering. Thank you. It doesn't make me uncomfortable to speak of sex with my T. However we haven't spoken of the SAs. She knows of them since she had me fill out a questionnaire my first day, and for once I decided to be completely honest on a questionnaire for a health professional. I'm sure it will come up at some point.

I'm sorry I haven't replied before now. I needed a lot of time calm down.

[Aina]

This actually happened to me once with my therapist. It was our first session, I am really not in a therapy for any sex related issue so it was really off... He asked me "are you comfortable talking about sex?" I was surprised by the question so I made my most serious cold face and said a radical "No!". And he actually haven't asked ever since so I guess I was clear enough. If you're not in a therapy for a sex related issue, maybe just tell your therapist you're not comfortable taking about it.

[nottrustin]

Monkey,

I definitely understand where you are coming from. I am happily married to a wonderful supportive man. I could probably survive the rest of my life without having sex but try to satisfy my husband occasionally. It try mainly do to flashbacks. The topic of sex has come up only a couple of times in therapy. The first time I was very embarrassed but got through it. The second time it was okay. T knew I was uncomfortable so said she wanted ME to bring it up in the future.

At my last appointment I brought up some triggering news stories of SA and such . I blurted out "sex is the root of all evil." She didn't know if I was serious or joking...honestly it was a little of both.

[awkwardlyyours]

Monkeybrains -- I get what you're saying. I guess the one thing I can think of is to check if your therapist is queer (or LGBT if you prefer that term) or at least has significant experience dealing with queers / LGBT people.

My therapist totally misses the boat on my experiences related to my queerness -- I'm not in therapy for stuff related to my sexuality although it has come up a couple of times (again, related to assault and stuff of the sort you're describing). I figured out that my T is not only straight but also very very unfamiliar with queer issues -- I haven't asked her this directly but from her questions / seeming weird wording and kinda general awkwardness, it sounds like that.

So, the two things I could think of were -- your T is queer and so is pushing you to look at this because she thinks it's okay given your connection. Or, she's not queer and so, this is her super awkward / weird way of trying to learn more about you.

Not sure if this helps at all....! Hope things work out for you.

[MobiusPsyche]

Yes, talk to your therapist about it. If you're a survivor of SA then I think the content of your fantasies *might* be relevant. She might be trying to understand you better. The only way to know is to talk to her about it.

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