[caseygirl]

I found this article and didn't know what to make of it at first, but it lists so many thoughts that I've had going through therapy myself. I couldn't think of anything more to add, could you?

https://cherished79.wordpress.com/20...our-therapist/

[itjustis]

That's an interesting find but personally I haven't had any of these feelings/reasons with my therapist. Mine is genuinely lovely!

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[MobiusPsyche]

After "She is not able to read your mind," I would add "it's like she can read your mind sometimes."

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[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Trusting anyone is a leap of faith. As I have become emotionally stronger, I fear other people less, including therapists. Being more vulnerable can curiously make you more able to weather the digs and slights that are a part of being part of the world.

Nowadays, being defensive about everyone and everything just takes a bucketload more energy than I'm willing to spend. Having more energy to devote to positive exchanges rather than defending myself against hypothetical dangers has been a pleasurable experience for me.

I'm not afraid of much anymore, and certainly not a therapist, and certainly not trusting my own.

Did you also read: 'when your therapist is completely there for you ' post on the same link? I liked that.

[junkDNA]

i dont need any more reasons to feel like i cant trust T!!!!! it was so hard for me to develop trust, and then caring feelings for him. he has been very patient with me through the past 5.5 years... i needed that from him. patience.

[caseygirl]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

i dont need any more reasons to feel like i cant trust T!!!!! it was so hard for me to develop trust, and then caring feelings for him. he has been very patient with me through the past 5.5 years... i needed that from him. patience.

I get the feeling that some people took offense to this article while on the other hand I took it as this is how I felt at times during therapy until my trust in her developed.

You become vulnerable when you are in a fragile situation, especially discussing such hurtful or painful memories of childhood sexual abuse. It's difficult to open up and to trust since trust was broken by adults at such a young age. Thoughts go through your mind, and in my case when I reported the sexual abuse, my parents didn't believe me.

I've never felt like I couldn't trust my therapist. None of those statements ring true for me personally.

[stopdog]

I did not take offense - I thought it was a consistant list of things that come up here all the time. It did not, however, address the reason I don't trust those guys - that they don't tell you what they are doing or why or how any of it is supposed to be useful. They are just guessing most of the time and don't really know what they are doing is the reason I would suggest not betting more than one is willing to lose.

And I always thought her not being able to read my mind was a great relief to both of us - and sometimes more for her benefit than mine. But I would not like anyone to read my mind - least of all a therapist. Luckily the woman is not all that perceptive about me and so it has never really come up.

I think number 25 says it all. It is very scary to be vulnerable.
I don't think these are reasons not to trust your therapist, I think they are simply thoughts and feelings that a lot of vulnerable clients experience. They are perfectly understandable concerns, particularly for clients with trust issues, but that doesn't make them truth.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

Did you also read: 'when your therapist is completely there for you ' post on the same link? I liked that.

I read that and loved reading the exchanges between the author and the t.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I read that and loved reading the exchanges between the author and the t.

I was okay with them until the therapist said that the client's vulnerability drew her to the client more.

To me that sounded like when my t says she is honored that i trust her with mine.

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[awkwardlyyours]

I didn't have a problem with the article either but I just thought trust wasn't the correct word to use in the title -- a lot of the stuff mentioned can't be proved / disproved and the rest of it is a part of most non-superficial human interactions. So, in terms of consistently being able to match actions with words (which I think is crucial for trust), I'm not sure how this stuff can be covered or pass a test of trust.

[caseygirl]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

I didn't have a problem with the article either but I just thought trust wasn't the correct word to use in the title -- a lot of the stuff mentioned can't be proved / disproved and the rest of it is a part of most non-superficial human interactions. So, in terms of consistently being able to match actions with words (which I think is crucial for trust), I'm not sure how this stuff can be covered or pass a test of trust.

I'm going to have to agree with you on this, the title doesn't really fit the article. Perhaps it should have been titled something like "25 Thoughts you may have experienced while in therapy".

IMO, this isn't really a trust issue, it's more of a client's thoughts, hesitation and willingness to open up, and in my head, I would be anticipating the therapist possibly thinking this way (whether right or wrong).

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

To me that sounded like when my t says she is honored that i trust her with mine.

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Your therapist expressed it a lot better than the one in the article, then.

I'm only reacting because I think there are a number of therapists who are in the biz because they ARE drawn to vulnerability and not in the "I'm honored you trust me" way, which I think is totally okay. Rather the others are drawn to vulnerability in a predatory way, whether conscious or not.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I think number 25 says it all. It is very scary to be vulnerable.
I don't think these are reasons not to trust your therapist, I think they are simply thoughts and feelings that a lot of vulnerable clients experience. They are perfectly understandable concerns, particularly for clients with trust issues, but that doesn't make them truth.

Agree. And on the other post "When your therapist is completely there for you" her own therapist comments about the 25 post about reasons not to trust: "Those are impediments to trust, not reasons not to."

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I was okay with them until the therapist said that the client's vulnerability drew her to the client more.

That whole exchange sort of creeped me out. (great if it didn't for others - just my response to it)

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Rather the others are drawn to vulnerability in a predatory way, whether conscious or not.

Predatory? How do you mean?

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by stopdog

That whole exchange sort of creeped me out. (great if it didn't for others - just my response to it)

Major ACK'S from SD.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

I didn't have a problem with the article either but I just thought trust wasn't the correct word to use in the title -- a lot of the stuff mentioned can't be proved / disproved and the rest of it is a part of most non-superficial human interactions. So, in terms of consistently being able to match actions with words (which I think is crucial for trust), I'm not sure how this stuff can be covered or pass a test of trust.

Yeah, this isn't a list of why one shouldn't trust a T, more like "These things will probably go through your mind during therapy."

[BudFox]

Seems to me these are mostly things clients fear are actually true, but tell themselves otherwise in order to keep the thing afloat.

I do think #23 really is a reason to question whether you can/should trust a therapist. In fact i think it's the main reason.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I'm only reacting because I think there are a number of therapists who are in the biz because they ARE drawn to vulnerability and not in the "I'm honored you trust me" way, which I think is totally okay. Rather the others are drawn to vulnerability in a predatory way, whether conscious or not.

This would be, as they say, an inconvenient truth. Problem is, it might be subtle and well camouflaged. For example, the therapist might be outwardly caring and compassionate but inwardly is hungrily seeking adoration or power.

[jane77]

That's what frightens me the most about these therapists--as BudFox said "outwardly caring and compassionate but inwardly seeking adoration or power."

Yet once you have good therapy the difference between a genuinely caring and compassionate and boundaried therapist, and one who seeks power, is so stark that you will wonder how on earth you didn't see it (for me, there were subtle signs that my ex-T had difficulty with impulse control and some narcissistic tendencies). I would bet my life savings that my current T wouldn't repeat the same "mistakes" as my ex-T unless he suffered a brain tumor. God help me if I am wrong.

For me, I didn't want to see it. I needed my ex-T to be an idealized father figure, so when his anger surfaced unexpectedly a few times (including witnessing an awkward moment between him and another patient wherein he seethed at her), I brushed it off. The door to the office was ajar and I saw him standing over her with a terrible look of contempt in his face. Who knows what happened, maybe she threatened him, but it certainly gave me pause, wondering if similar treatment might happen to me. And it did!

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by velcro003

Predatory? How do you mean?

I mean they prey on clients. Not financially but emotionally. It could go several ways, but I would say the big one is that they have vulnerable clients, they see themselves as The Ones to help them, the client gets dependent on them, etc. They feed off the client's adoration and dependency and it is entirely possible that they then play games with the client - offering some kind of special treatment or something the client values and then withdrawing it.

I am not saying every therapist does this, and I am not saying those therapists who do are conscious of why or even that they're doing this. Nor am I saying that a therapist who has allowed some privilege or behavior and then withdrawn it is doing this. But I definitely think there are therapists out there who are drawn to the vulnerable in a bad way.